Last night my husband of twenty six years let me know he does not love me anymore. He does not want me and if he could pick someone to start over with they would not look like me. We have three children, one is still at home in high school. He wants to stay at the house, because he has no where to go until she graduates because it will be easier on her. How can I live with this information? I love my husband, I want him, but he has crushed me, I hurt so bad. What should I do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi momthree,
I just registered today, though I've read postings and articles for some months. I'm probably the least suitable person to be submitting a reply first, but here goes...
My wife and I of 6 years have had a rocky year and a half. Last christmas I couldn't stand the frustration anymore (silent treatment, no sex, wailing baby, no together activities, no dates since baby born etc) and said much the same as your husband. She went to stay with friends, and I was happy with my freedom for maybe a day or so...then reality hit of what I was losing. Maybe your husband needs a wake up slap...but I don't know what or how to suggest you do that.
redcoat

I am beginning to realize it has nothing to do with not wanting someone anymore...it has to do with not wanting the relationship meaning how it has been functioning. Perhaps it is no longer fun, exciting or meeting his needs.
I still love my husband and crave for that ideal relationship with him but so long as he is unable or unwilling to provide, I feel like I need to look elsewhere. I would be thrilled if he could and I would love to stay with him.
It seems like I am the one who always tries to make the relationship work, the glue, the one who download things off the net to help our relationship but nothing works. I get tired of trying. I just wish we can get out of the same old rut and do something different. There is no fun in our marriage no matter how hard I try.

mom3,

Thats a pretty harsh thing for him to say. How has the marriage been? Are you 2 able to talk through problems, or do they just get swept under the rug?

Hello MT,
I don't know quite how to reply with some helpful advice. The one thing I do do know, is that after twenty six years of marriage your H owes you at least an explanation for the reasons he said what he did. The other thing is... What exactly does he want you to look like? I'm getting the impression that he may already know and that there may be somone else in his life.
What difficulties in your marriag have you had and how can you invite him to discuss any resolutions to your marital conflicts? Give us some details and maybe we could help you further.

Praying for you,
Peace,
Odyssey

Our life together has been rocky because of the lack of sexual contact. I am afraid I have been wrapped up in raising children and pleasing parents. My husband has sometimes been pushed aside. It was never because I did not love him. I have always worked and raised our children. My husband is a law enforcement officer and has worked so many hours that I have become the main parent. He says that it is too late for us now that I have time since our children are grown. He is not interested in me or the way I look. Which I think hurts me the most. I try really hard to be attractive. I am 48 years old and a school teacher. I am not ugly or fat, I take good care of myself. My husband says he can only be nice to me and that since he has no where else to go he is staying until our youngest daughter graduates from high school, he says leaving will be easier then. I have decided to do all that I can to show him I love him. If he still decides to leave after a year then I can say I tired. I love my husband, he has been my whole life, I have been married my entire adult life to him. If God put us together, then God can bring us back. After his words I am so hurt but I know I can do this. I have stopped crying and I am going to use this time until my daughter graduates to work to keep my husband.

In response to your "I love my husband and I am going to work to get him back" statement - word of advise don't loose track of yourself in the process. You are very important too - never loose track of that. Saving a marriage is important but not not if it means you loose yourself respect in the process.

My thoughts for what they are worth. I have been where you are right now - different circumstances - but I almost lost myself and self worth trying to save my marriage. Since I have started to think about myself I feel better and the situation at home hasn't gotten worse and may even be a little bit better. I am no longer feeding into his mood.

I have been married for 28 yrs and been hit with the i don"t love you now more he loved me 3 months ago.I no there is a emotional affair going on but Ithink by my actions It might have gotten worse.We had so many plans for our future how could this had happened I get know answers to my ?s.The worst thing I have done is rant and rave and basically be very mean There is know way I can make him see what he has done or what he is doing to our life,he just don"t care.I need to start taking care of me I lost 20 pounds and been drinking alot thats when I blow up.I need to stop self destructing.Its hard because I love him dearly.But I know there is nothing I say or do thats going to make a difference.I keep trying to disconnect but we used to spend every nite together watching tv or something Im not used to being alone.

lexidoo
In that I understand what you are going through, I have to encourage you to allow God to help you through this terrible thing. Plus you must remember that anything you hand over to God has to come with patience. Our prayers and wants are not answered when we want but then God wants them. He has a schedule and that does not always meet our schedule. That is where I am having problems being patient. I also have lost weight in worrying and being upset, but again how can I be all I can be to my husband if I am crying and sick. You are in my prayers, please remember me in yours. In Gods love. Momthree