Three weeks ago my husband of five months told me he cheated on me with someone from work. We have been together for seven and a half years. I have spent the last few weeks thinking and doing a lot of crying and trying to get him to talk to me. After a lot of arm twisting I have gotten him to talk to me about the situation a little. He lets me do most of the talking and when I ask him question he gives one word responses or doesn't answer at all.

Last night he told me that he had done a lot of thinking about some of the things that I have said. He said that I will never be able to trust him again and he doesn't want me to have to live the rest of our lives together worrying about who he is with and where he is at. After telling him I want to try and make this work he said he doesn't know if he wants to even try.

I don't know what to do. I have loved this man for seven years and he is willing to throw it all away. He is stubborn and doesn't like to expresss his feelings. I have asked what went wrong with us, what he sees in her, all the thoughts that race through my head all day. All I want to do is understand. I am begining to get frustrated and tired of opening the doors he closes.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. I am at a fork in the road and don't know what direction to go.

I cant give you advice if you read my post above. I know how you feel I wish you the best. I ams sick of being in the air over all this. I dont think my wife has forgiven herself and now I am living on my own with no job and three kids we are seperated. I am so confused myself I wish it would go away. I really am afraid I am going to lose her and I dont want to. Our situations sound so samiliar I just wanted to respond sorry.

Brandy,

Your husband appears to be engagin in what people here like to term "fog talk."

Do you know if he has cut off contact with the other woman yet? If not...that's a first step that he needs to take. If he won't, you may need to expose the affair.

How much do you know about the OW?

I am not sure how much contact he is still having with her. I check his cell phone when I get the chance. It seems that she is the one that calls him the most. There hasn't been much contact by phone lately. He see her everyday at work.

I really don't know that much abot her. When he wouln't tell me her name I looked the phine number up. I know that she is married ( soon to be divorced) and has a 3 year old. I am not certain which one she is. Dave claims she has told her husband. I have called her and asked politely for her to stop calling him (that really made him mad!).

I have asked him if he has feelings for her and I never get a response. I asked what he sees in her and he says he sees a lot of me in her. Not sure what to think of that.

I told him that in order for me to have some trust in him again he needs to promise to stop all contact with her. He said he doen't know if he can make that promise or not.

Last night was a bad night and I blew up at him. I am so frustrated. I will see if it had any effect on him when I get home from work.

Brandy,

You may want to post this also on the infidelity board. You'll get a lot of good advice there.

You did the right thing to insist that your husband break off contact with this woman. It's a lot harder to repair a marriage if contact is continuing.

Don't back down from that. If he won't voluntarily break contact, you may need to take matters into your own hands. Is there anyone you can expose the affair to, if your husband resists? His parents, maybe?

YOur husband says that the Other Spouse knows about the affair. Don't believe him. Try to contact the OS and tell him about it yourself.

Sure, your H will get pissed. He wants to protect the secrecy of the affair. But..affairs THRIVE on secrecy. Once you expose them to the light of day...they often begin to wither.

Keep your chin up!

My husband had an "emotional affair" with someone while working out of town. Although he no longer works with this woman, I havbe reason to believe he is still contacting her. I feel like a spy sometimes, because I snoop in to his receipts, and today I pulled a computor out a box and hooked it up to see what was on it. It was a computor he used while he was gone. I found a series of e-mails that he had saved (no date) and he referred to her as his "wife" but said he wasn't going to leave me. I'm afaraid to confront him with any evidence,. I know he needs to cut her out of his life completely but how can I "make" him do that. ??

DW,

Unfortunately, you can't "make" your H do anything. You can, however, confront him the evidence. Tell him honestly how much it hurts you, and insist that he stop ALL contact with her, if he hasn't already.

Let him know that you love him and that you want to work on rebuilding the marriage. But..make it clear that can't happen until ALL contact with the OW is ended FOR GOOD.

If he refuses to end contact, then you may have to expose the affair.

But...hopefully, once he knows he is caught, he will be willing to work with you.