My wife can be a very easy person but sometimes she can be quite difficult to me. My mother came to visit me recently and as a normal mom, she would clean and cook for us. However, because of all this my wife gets very stressed and even deliberately go out to avoid to have to eat my mom's cooking because she feels that having my mom to cook for her is very troublesome and she doesn't want her to cook. Sometimes, my wife can just be so happy and eats my mom cooking and say how happy she is because my mom is here etc. But sometimes it's the complete opposite because she felt as though she had to behave like a nice daughter in law by cooking and cleaning up the house. Which actually my mom doesn't put any pressure on her at all.

One of the day, my mom was watching TV in our room and my wife went out because she wanted to watch another channel. Later on, she came in and was upset about the fact that my mom and I was occupying the TV in our room.

I don't know. Is my wife such a selfish person? But sometimes she is completely otherwise and can be so kind and generous and considerate.

I am confused. Therefore, all the time, I just apologise to her and say it's my fault and I am sorry etc. Basically giving in to her request as much as I can.

However, I am just afraid that one day I may just lose all my patience and throw everything back to her and lose this relationship. Which I really don't want.

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 04:47 AM: Message edited by: GenerousMe ]</small>

Hi GenerousMe,
What you are most likely dealing with is a territorial problem. Where your wife views your Mothers coming over and cooking and cleaning as taking over her responsibilities. For me this would bring feelings that what I did in the home was not good enough for her son. I would tell your Mother that you appreciate her efforts to help in your home but doing so causes you distress. Do not say it causes your wife distress because that will open up a new can of worms so to speak.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> One of the day, my mom was watching TV in our room and my wife went out because she wanted to watch another channel. Later on, she came in and was upset about the fact that my mom and I was occupying the TV in our room. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What was your Mother doing in your bedroom? I for one would also be upset with this. The bedroom my husband and I share is private sanctuary. My kids are not even allowed in there. Ask your Mother nicely to watch the family tv not the one in your bedroom.

-Jace

Hello GenerousMe,

I would have to agree with Jace on being upset with your mother in the bedroom. I like to keep our bedroom nice, peaceful, & private for sleeping & sex.

Also does your mother just stop by or do you and your wife enthusiastically agree to these visits? And do you spend the 15 hours with your wife fulfilling each others needs per week these day when you Mother visits?

I can enthusiastically agree to going to my husband's mothers house for visits with our daughter every other Sunday for lunch & maybe an hour or two, but after that I get bored and I can get irritable if he wants to do this too often like EVERY Sunday because it cuts into our time together, family time, and time with the children too much.

Hope this helps. I think you wife likes your mother and is generous, just needs her space and may feel disrespected.

This is my second marraige. In my first, my husband did not stand up to his mother and I put actual locks on our laundry basket. Also she did this to one of his brother & his wife, they divorced after 10 years because that brother did not take his wife's feeling into account when it came to Mother.