Okay same problem - SD - but tonight I blew a gasket. Here goes - I came home from work and had to make an important phone call while I am on hold - my DH cell phone rings- he left it at home because it is not charging - without even thinking - actually for one quick second I thought it was my cell phone and it was probably him trying to get a hold of me - anyway I answered it. Female says is John there - I respond like I have always done since I was a kid - this is how I was raised - "can I ask who is calling please" - response (in an extremely angry loud voice) "IT"S HIS DAUGHTER" - my response even though I was taken back "oh hi A------- no he is not right now" her response "WELL WHERE THE F----- is he" still very angry. So I said still at work, I will have him phone you". Once again my temper has been ignitited but I finish my important phone call. I hang up and DH is on the line I let him know that his kid called and then I tell him about the conversation and that I am not real pleased about it. He says we will talk about it when I get home. When he gets home it is very obvious that he is angry and moody. He goes about doing what he normally does when he gets home. When he is in the bath I go in - because I noticed that he did not call her when he got home - and say aren't you going to call A----- back? He say I already did from work. I then say so what was here problem - his response - nothing she said you were extremely rude to her because it was a female on my cell phone. I just glared at him for a few seconds and then said well she is lying and then I walked out of the bathroom. Dinner was quite - when he finished he went into the bed room. I finished doing what I had to do and then went into the bedroom. I started the conversation by saying to him - John you have been with me for a long time and you know I don't lie you have known this girl for 4 mths and we both know she lies we have caught her in lies. His response go lie down on the other side and leave me alone. I did not say anything else but I just lied there watching tv. After about an hour of so I said that I resent anyone calling me a liar. Well things got very heated and said for god sake use your head, get rid of the guilt that you are carrying around about this kid - she is nothing more than a user and low life - she was raised by her mother and you know what her mother is. She has tried very hard to cause trouble maybe so she can move in with you and that way if I am out of the picture she can have whatever she wants. I have heard the way she talks to you at time and you know she is abusive so why is so hard for you to understand that what I said about the phone conversation is true? I ended up saying that no one calls me a liar and I told him to get out. Well he did. I know I should not have said the things I said - but I have had it with this little b**** - I can't fight this battle and win - she has guilt playing on her side. Every week by Wednesday things are getting tough - he gets paid on Thursday - the phone calls on his cell show she starts calling on Wednesday - he gets moody and angry by Thursday we normally have a fight by Thursday evening. He never use to take money out of the bank - but every week there is 20, 40 even 60 taken. I think he is giving her money and is afraid to tell me - I think she is demanding it or even threatening somehow. I just can't deal with this - she stands for everything that I don't - I truly hate this kid. I really don't known right now if I have lost him or not. Well he just came back in and said "don't say one word to me and get this house up for sale" Any help advise man I need it.

Red,
I don't know what to tell you to do. All i can do is empathize. I've been through almost exactly the same thing. My xH would catch his D in lies and put up with it, but it wasn't even okay for me to cry if I was hurting. Anything she did was excusable for some reason. Even things she did that would have gotten her in jail if he hadn't bailed her out of her situation. There were never any consequences for her lying and stealing actions and she finally "won" daddy back and moved back in with him after we seperated. She's 21 and it's been going on for the past 5yrs. He still catches her in lies. And anytime a situation involving her would come up, he'd respond the same way you said your H did. Avoid conflict - to the point that there was more and more of it to deal with and then he'd avoid it even harder.
The two of them are together now about 6hrs from here and all I can say is I hope that one day she stings him so hard that he learns his lesson.
I never counted if she was ever in the picture.
I hope things can go better for you. If not, or if you just need an email partner to vent, mine is rmf66@hotmail.com.
Take care!
jnb