Here is a short version of what I am dealing with. November 2, 2003 my mother died in a fire. December 4, 2003 my 8 year old son was diagnosed with leukemia. December 26, 2003 I found out my husband was having an affair. February 6, 2004 my father was diagnosed with leukemia.

Right now I have so many lows. Worse than 6 months ago. But also my husband has lied to me so many times about contact with her. I found out around July 4 they were still contacting each other, only for him to say they wouldn't anymore. Then September 24 I found out again that they were still contacting each other. He said absolutely no more contact. Then I find out six weeks later he called her just one time he says to see how she is doing. Now supposedly he won't do it anymore. (They agreed not to contact each other) I hate that word "they". I don't know how much more of this I can take. I thought by this time, one year later I would either be divorced or everything would be okay. I probably feel worse now then I did 6 months ago. I don't know how I will ever believe him again. I saw someone said they got telephone records of the other person. Would somebody tell me how to do this. I think this is the only way of me knowing for sure if he is continuing to lie. Of course he has a cell phone through work and she has a cell phone also. Can I get those records. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. Please post you story under general questions as there is more traffic there.

Your husband's behavior is very typical, right out of the WS's handbook. It is very hard for them to give up the affair.

I am so sorry for all of the sad things that have happened in your life. You are going through a lot of stress. How is your son doing?

Please stick with us and we will help you through this. Hugs from California.

Too Hurt:

I'm so very sorry for all the pain you've experienced recently. Somehow, it makes mine seem like a walk in the park. Is your son doing any better?

As far as phone records go - I got my husband's cell phone records by logging on to the website for his carrier and checking them. Usually you can use the cell phone number instead of a user name or an account number. In my case, my husband's passwords are incredibly predictable. If your husband has not set up access online to his account, and you have the cell phone bills there, you can set it up yourself. Simply get a bill, go online to the site, and fill it all in.

If he has set it up and you can't get in to view the records, call the cell phone company, and tell them that you need copies of his cell phone bills for whatever and however many months you want. If he doesn't have them sent to your home, tell them that you need them sent to YOUR home address - NOT to whatever address he gave them. I did this and it worked like a charm. I told them I'm his wife, and when they asked for the last four digits of his social - I was able to give it and presto chango! I had his records.

I should warn you, though. Seeing those records may not make you feel any better. To the contrary, they may make you feel a lot worse. If you do this, you must be prepared to see a lot worse than you currently know.

In my case, I knew my husband was talking to his ex-girlfriend, but I had no freaking CLUE that he'd spent more than 40 hours on the phone with her in the last 3 months. He still maintains that he's not having an affair with her. We'll see. He was stupid enough to tell me she's coming into town next week to see her mother for xmas. He swore to me that she wouldn't be coming over to his place, but do I believe a word of it? HAHAHAHAH. no. Even so, I won't need to get photos of them together to prove adultery. I have screen shots of the IMs she sent me telling me all sorts of things. Thing is - this woman doesn't really want him - she just doesn't want me to have him. He's eating up all the attention and her willingness to put her boyfriend off to take all 40 hours of my husband's phone calls.

So - the records can be obtained. You have to be sneaky and you have to sound confident on the phone when you ask for them. You have to sound like this is something you do every day. "Hi, my name is so and so. I need to have a copy of my cell phone records sent to me at my home address."

Then they'll ask for the cell phone number or account number. If you don't have the account number give them the cell number. Then they'll probably ask you for the last four digits of your husband's social. After that, you should be in. They'll probably say something like: "Thank you Mrs. so and so. It will be about 7-10 business days before you'll have the records. Please call again if you have any questions."

That simple. My cell phone is on my husband's account and his cell phone bill is sent to his work address. If your husband's isn't sent to the house, it's a good bet it's sent to his office. If they ask for the billing address of the account and you know it's not your home, give them the work address. If, for some reason, that's not it just blow it off by saying something like "oh geez. he must have changed it AGAIN!"

Good luck. I hate that this is so sneaky, but hey - these guys have been sneaking around on us. What we're doing is far less harmful than what they are doing.

Usk.