My husband of 1 year says degrading and insulting things and then does not see the big deal. I consider them insults to my appearance, they do harm my self image after they build up for awhile, and he does not think their is anything to discuss.

If I bring it up later (when he says them in public I wait till we get home) or at the time (if said at home), he says Sorry, sorry, sorry or just leaves the room and goes to bed. He is an avoider of conflict unless he is the one wronged and screaming like a madman (I learned after marriage that he has been fired from every job he ever had due to temper/verbal outbursts & discharged from the military for it too).

Here are the most recent issues...

Tonight he made the comment that he would pay for breast implants after I am done nursing. He says he is mentioning this because I was mad over a previous comment he made.

The comment made last week was this...

We were at one of his friends' homes that I do not care for because they are partier/drinking/light drug use/biker/strip bar people and I am a Christian school teacher (I wonder why my husband courted and married me, this should be another post though). He handed out daugther to the bartender wife who is a large lady 6 foot seriously, overweight, & huge breasts that are not attractive. My daughter started to cry and he made some comment about how the baby must be hungry because she is thinking that her big tits have lots of milk for her in them.

This grossed me out and insulted me. I took my daughter from the woman and just waited for my husband to finish his beer and watching the game so we could go.

I am insulted because this man, who is 12 years older than me and nothing spectacular, is the ONLY one who has every put down my breasts and other parts of my figure. His exgirlfriend of 9 years was a bartender, she is 12 years older than him, 24 years older than me, and probably size 9, had a tummy tuck, etc. I do not think I am the most beautiful person in the world; however, I quit modeling by choice only 2 years ago and I modeled swimwear. I have had people ask if I have implants and I do not, so I am attractive. And I am only 1 or 2 sizes away from my prepregnancy size and my breasts are actually larger now due to breastfeeding.

His comments are leading me to feel angry with him. I am thinking of telling him that I will not have sexual relations with someone who keeps throwing the insults or comparisions against me figure. I am now a stay at home mother (I saved the money for these before I ever met him, I matched our down payment, had a net worth 3 times his, and he was unemployed recently for 3 months and we made it due to my savings & investments so I am the financial saver savy one, he is the spender) and when I take care of our baby all day, I do not look forward to him coming home and making negative or insulting remarks.

I also would rather not get verbal compliments from others because that is my top emotional need and I do not want to risk having an affair. My husband hardly makes eye contact when we talk and we rarely talk, which is hard on me.

He also saw a pile of $1 bills recently and made the comment that it was "stripper money" when it was his father's gambling money. This was also embarassing to me because he says he has not went since we have been married.

When he does talk to me, he talks about wanting another baby, a son. He does not help me at all with our daughter, he hands he to anyone else when she cries, and has told her to "shut up" several times and he says he was "muffling her loud piercing cries" with a Teddy bear over her mouth so I cannot depend on him to help with her at all. I refuse to have her treated in that manner and though I had dreamed of having 4 children, I know think I would rather not have anymore and just adopt children in 30 or 40 years after he passes on. When he talks about having another baby, I just want to pack my bags and leave. I love my daughter but the thought of more children plus him is unbearable at the moment.

We have been married for 1 year, our baby is 3 months. We dated for one year and he changed to a selfish person after I got pregnant. I wanted to wait 2 years to have our first child and he was more like, if it happens, it happens. This is his first marraige, my second. My first marraige was much much better than this one but I am trying not to break my marraige vows now. My first husband accused me of adultery and would not go to counseling so we divorced. My feeling were hurt so much that I just withdrew. I had been abused growing up and I would not have had an affair on him, he was my high school sweetheart, 1st real love, we waited till we got married, & everything.

Sorry this is so long, I hope to get some advice and have given enough background information.

I have read some of your other posts and I would like to know if your H is working now. I would suggest that you look over this site, especially the Policy of Joint Agreement, here http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html

If your H was holding a stuffed animal over an infant's mouth, that is a huge red flag. There is no circumstance where this could ever be appropriate. As to his comment about the other woman's breasts, this is extremely wrong.

I have to say that I would not want either of my sweet daughters around these types of people.

I see you have been married for a year. Did he start making these comments recently? Or, has he always made inappropriate remarks and it's getting worse?

I understand why you don't want another child with these serious communication and respect issues.

oh my, this is deja vu!

well nearly everthing you said about H sounds like mine. H is 13 years older and had an even older x. I suspect he courted/married me for my ovaries. his x was past that age and had 5 kids. i was young and never married. we M after 6 months of dating. i wanted to wait on kids, he didn't and an oops later (on his part), baby #1. then he too wanted a boy and convinced me my pills we making me cranky i stopped since i was also nursing and when she was just 9 months old and another oops and baby #2. all the while he was degrading, insulting, angry and wouldn't even look at me on the rare occasion we had civil conversation.

i too am at home and in ever argument he says he is tied of "taking care" of me, although i saved up prior to their birth and brought savings into our marriage. when i share my feelings H errupts into a rage and tells me to get out of his house and leave "his kids".

well, now i have two beautiful baby girls (H never got that son) and I have requested a divorce and we are in the beginning stages of working with a seperation mediator.

There are other issues too, like his compulsive lies and deception. anyway. figure out what you want and please use birth control because nursing will not help, I am an example.

Just bumping past the trolls

Hey!

I'm a little concerned about a comment you made on another thread...

You noted that if left for more than 10 minutes with your baby, and she cries, your hsuband will either yell at her, ignore her, or even MUFFLE HER CRIES WITH A TEDDY BEAR.

This is DANGEROUS and SICK to say the least. If you are afraid to leave your husband with your baby, maybe he isn't safe for you to be living with at all.

I think you need to get into some counseling--and with someone who specializes in abuse. This sounds AWFUL. I, for one, am worried about the safety of your baby.

I cannot even imagine someone muffling a child's cry with a teddy bear--dear God, the image is terrifying to me.

Please consider talking to someone and getting help. You may need it more than you realize.