To make a long story short, my wife left me on 12/19. We've been married since 8/23/03. It was after I had pushed the issue to discuss why she'd been acting so distant up to that point. She was basically reeling with resentment and anger. To the point where she actually said that she can't stand to look at me. She's been out of the house ever since.

Since then, I've been able to assess the situation more and I think it has alot to do with my barrage of emotional attacks. I'm not sure how she even put up with it for as long as she did.

My questions is this. I've asked her what she's been doing while she's away. Thinking about us, where this marriage is going or what. She tells me that she's "resting". Does that mean she just needs time away from me? What is it she's trying to do or regain?

Every time we get together I am totally different from how I was in the relationship. I'm more touchy-feely, like she was and cherish every moment we're together.

I hate leaving her at her parents house, where she's staying, and just leaving.

At times, I just feel like giving up and just harassing her so we can get to the bottom of this and get the ball rolling with whatever it is she wants. BUT, this marriage means to much to me so I've resolved to let her make that decision if that's what she desires. So far, it feels like it's headed that way. Even though she calls me honey, says I love you and says I miss you, it still feels different. I feel like the proverbial yo-yo.

My goal is to have get my wife back.

<small>[ December 25, 2004, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: Bubba4Bebe ]</small>

AS soon as i saw your post i wanted to reply.My situation is the opp/ of yours i am in the same place your wife was in the only difference is my H hase been known to abouse more than just beer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> We have been togrther 5 years &have 4 kids i have never left him but he ran off on me a few times .We are trying to work things out now he is the one who thought we needed M/C but i am the only one who has been doing it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Any way my Q is what did your wife do or say that made you relize it was time to do something <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

It was more how she was acting. A few weeks ago I started noticing that she wasn't herself. She used to always try to hold my hand. In my stupid ways, I used to always avoid it. A few weeks ago, probably about a month now, she just stopped. She also stopped being as intimate with me as she usually is. Again, because I would always try to avoid it. I would even reject her for sex or "making out". As I look back at it, I can't imagine what a moron I was. All this affection that she was starved for and me, her life partner, the culprit of her ill feelings. This happened for at least half of the time we were married. She never said much about it though. When she did it didn't seem genuine that she was concerned. Little did I know...

That's not how this all happened but I did find out that it was a part of it. What started this all was that I finally asked her what was wrong and she just broke down and told me how she resented me and my family. I think that, along with the lack of affection, was all building up inside her and she finally just blew her top on 12/19. What a devastating blow. At least the week prior, I had been showing signs of change as far as noticing her more and trying to initiate intimacy. I don't think she bought it. I think that's also the problem now. I continue in my revitalized ways but it doesn't seem to faze her other than her not "being used to it."

She says that there is no one else involved but I continue not to believe her only because I have this "feeling". I could just be blowing it way out of proportion. But, I can't understand why she chooses to stay away and not try to work on things with me. It even seems as though she's trying to turn over a new leaf and start a new life.

The other weird thing is we still call each other "honey", "sweetheart", etc. She'll still sit next to me and doesn't object to me touching her, massaging her back, caressing her hair, hugging or kissing her goodbye.

The problem is I ask her and she continues to be very vague about what it is she's actually trying to accomplish. I've finally just gave up and am cherishing any time we spend together.

<small>[ December 26, 2004, 12:45 AM: Message edited by: Bubba4Bebe ]</small>

Bubba,
Don't quit! You sound like a good guy who is trying to turn thing around. i wish my xH would have tried a little. I cried when I read your last post. It hit home in so many ways. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I really don't thing she's lying when she tells you there's no one else. Sounds like your insecurities are kicking in. Believe me I understand about those! But I will share with you that as a rule, once those insecurities are overcome and you feel safe again, your behavior is quite likely to change. That's human nature.
A lot of times we do things out of the ordinary to get what we need and then when we are safe in the fact that we have it, we go back to being our old selves again. It sucks but it's true.

When she says she's resting, she's probably resting from all the turmoil she feels inside. She can't handle anymore of it right now. At least she's with her folks. She's not out on her own where she would have even more needs to be met. Her folks are filling in part of the gap right now (in a 'safe from others' way).

When she doesn't reach out to hold your hand, I expect it comes from waiting to see how much of it will come from you more than anything else. She probably doesn't believe that if the two of you got back together you'd be there. She's used to reaching out to you and having you pull away. She's scared and to be honest, she really isn't used to it! After you treat a person a certain way long enough, that's what they tend to expect out of you and when they change their behavior it really does feel weird!!! You want to trust them, but all those times in the past come up and from those experiences, you just can't quite grip it.

One thing she will have to do though is to learn to share her feelings before they blow up. Dr. Harley says radical honesty a necessary ingredient for any healthy marriage. Without it, it's kind of like a little sign in my dentist's office says, "ignore your teeth and they will go away". Without that honesty, the corrosion will eat away at the relationship until there is nothing positive left.
Keep on trying and see how much you can get her to open up. She may resist, and if she does, don't be demanding about it. She's going to need time to change her behavior just like you do.

Keep up the good work and let us all know how things go.

Becki

Becki,

You couldn't be so right about everything. I've done a complete 180 and I'm sure she's freaking out seeing what's going on.

No worries. I'm only giving up in trying to get any information from her. I'm still dedicated to gaining her trust back and showing her that I'm still and will remain the man that she fell in love with 2 years ago. I'm pretty sure she'll tell me when she's ready to discuss everything or, hopefully, she'll just move back in. BTW, all her things are still here. She's taken some clothes and has come back to pick up some things. But, it's not her entire wardrobe.

I don't have a problem reaching out for her hand or attending to her, spoiling her if you will, but I'm afraid of crowding her. I have looked at it from your point of view as her wanting to see what REALLY comes from this "reformed man". So far, I hope that she likes what she's seeing.

I think you're right and the insecurity monster has definitely gotten the best of me. I just can't help it because since we're apart I can't keep track of her.

As for the communication issue, I can't say how many times I've told her that we must keep those lines open. So here we are as a result of the LACK of communication, trying to work through an explosion that was caused by the build-up of holding things in. I plan to work more on that once we get through all this.

I guess my plan now is to just let her have her space and re-assess everything. Should I just leave her alone completely? I call her everyday just to tell her I love her but I think that may be, again, crowding.

Thanks so much for your reply. I really do appreciate it.

<small>[ December 26, 2004, 09:31 AM: Message edited by: Bubba4Bebe ]</small>

Bubba,

Whatever you do, don't just stop calling her! She'll get the wrong message and think you're just pulling away again!!!!

Just be honest with her and tell her you're afraid your crowdind her and that you're afraid you'll run her off. Believe me it's best to tell the truth no matter how hard it may be. Believe me, my throat is swelling up right now just thinkng about what the two of you are going through. Even on your side. So many times I'd tell my H about my insecurities what I was thinking and it really diedn't get me anywhere. But if he'd told my about his, you can bet it would have made a BIG difference in how I could have handeled some of mine.
My xH was a people pleaser, and refused to deal with any waves in any relationship. If things didn't go just the way he thought they should go, he'd cut me down - even trying to use the Bible. If he came home from a good day at work and found me crying because I was hurting from the way things were going in our relationship, he'd just get mad and go away from me instead of holding me and letting me cry through it,and letting me know he'd be there and try. He refused fto follow the policy of joint agreement, and it was bad enough that at one point Dr. Harley even let me know the best thing for me to do was get a divorce, that it wouldn't work. Coming from a man that's trying to help people save their relationships, you know things had to be pretty bad.
As hard as it still is for me being alone- I'm not dating and live alone with my daughter- I do realize that I am better off out of that relationship. I tried for 5 yrs working on things, and even the advise Dr. H gave couldn't help because he wouldn't work on it to.

I can't tell you how things will turn out. All I can tell you is what I've learned through personal experience, knowing in general how the psycho works ( lots of studying for years plus what I've learned from Dr. H's books and personal help). If she does still want things to work for the two of you, and is willing to be a PARTNER, she WILL NOT run off and leave you for letting her know about the things we discussed earlier. And if she's not willing to be your partner in all it takes to rebuild, then it won't work no matter how much you "spoil" her. My x thought that spoiling was what I wanted, but he was wrong. It's nice and help some, but being secure in the fact that I had a soul mate, one I could be there for and that could be there for me in times of need was the big issue. I liked some of the things he did trying to spoil (it always involved money), but I needed an honest man that wouldn't run off from the problems we faced, that would share his emotions with me, and would accept mine at face value. One that wouldn't turn his back on me when it came time to choose between being there for me or being there for someone else - I got lots of that back stuff when other people came up.

Just be honest with her about your fears of driving her away, and let her know you want to learn what it takes to make it work for both of you. It will work out for the best, one way or another and I expect it will be the way you are hoping for.

write back!?

Becki

Becki,

How would you explain her running off like she did when this all started? Was she just frustrated and needed to release, to get away from it all?

Right now, it feels like she wants nothing to do with me but yet, we have a very amicable rapport when we're together. As if nothing's wrong. That's what's confusing me, the mixed signals.

Bubba,

It sounds like she's going through withdrwal right now. From what you've said so far - and I might be wrong - she doesn't seem to be the type to tell you how things are affecting her but rather to wait until things get so bad that she'll refuse to deal with them and just leave. I really need a better picture of waht's been happening between the two of you for a while - good and bad before I'd say much more. I sure don't want to be the cause of another problem.
Tell me what you can think of and I'll give it some more thought.
Take care - I'll check back one more time before I turn out the lights!

Becki

Maby she is sending you mixed signals b/c she is not shure of her own fellings. I am shure she loves you or you not meeting her EN would not matter so much but i know first hand that not feeling loved by your H is unberible & can hurt more than being alone. At least then you are not expecting anything & being let down over& over. Just keep meeting her ENs an show her that know matter what you are not going to stop trying or you could let her down agin as far as your family rember the vows you took to forsake all others and put her before all others

Becki,

So what's been happening is my wife has been coming home to my teasing. I don't mean it literally but I'll admit that I do do it and it's pretty non-stop. Everything from her size (she's not big at all.) to the denial of intimacy. I can only imagine how bad it's been for her and I really, truly feel bad about it all.

As you said, she endured it all and didn't make any kind of serious contention or complaints to all of it. The most she'd do is motion cutting her wrists or neck, in a joking way, and utter "What kind of life is this." Again, all in a joking manner...or so I thought. Little did I know how serious she was. This has been going on since day one of our marriage.

I think this had the most impact on what happened. Although she used resentment as a device for starting the ball rolling.

What do you mean by withdrawl?

jamie - Thanks for your comments. I feel those sentiments exactly.

<small>[ December 26, 2004, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: Bubba4Bebe ]</small>

Bubba,

Let me dig out my books and find a way to explain it. Sometimes I can relate to things I've learned during the conflict and counseling without being able to paint a good picture of it for someone else.
It's been months since I've been through the books. Almost a year.
I'm a little tired right now but by morning I'll have something up for you.

Becki

Okay, I got lucky and picked the right book to start with.
In Dr. Harley's book FALL IN LOVE STAY IN LOVE, he tells about the three states of mind in marriage.
The first is intimacy -the state of mind dominated by you Giver, who encourages you to give unconditionally. The second is conflict - dominated by your Taker, who encourages you to take unconditionally. The third is withdrawal - dominated by your Taker, which encourages you to emotionally withdraw from your spouse, neither giving nor taking.
BAsically its a state of "emotional divorce". There is no longer any feeling of being emotionally bonded to each other or in love. Emotional defenses are raised the party in withdrawal no longer wants to try to meet the other's needs and has given up on attempts to have their own needs met.
There's a whole bunch more but it would just be a matter of typing in the book.
If you can, go out and buy Dr. Harley's book that I mentioned above and start reading it.
It will help you understand a lot. You sound pretty good at comprehension when things are laid out in front of you so I figure you'll pick up quick on it. And if there are any questions that I can answer I'll be more than happy to.

By the way, don't let reading the book stop you from posting, I've already gotton anxious to see how things go for you two.

Write back

Becki

What a weird feeling yesterday.

My wife and I were supposed to take our dog to a local dog beach. We ended up not going because of the weather. Anyway, prior to doing that she went to lunch with her g/f's. Before she got home, I left a message on her vmail. The phone rings and it's her calling from her parents home. I ask if she got my vmail. She says no that she just called to call. That's when we discussed the dog. Couple things that excited me. First, she initiated the call!! Second, when I answered the phone, she said "Hi Honey...". Not that she doesn't say it but she started the exchange. Third, throughout the phone call it almost sounded as if she were ready to come home. She didn't mention anything about it but I could just feel it. Sad news is she's not home yet.

She said that she would call me later after we hung up. She had to drive her mom around for some errands. So we hung up and I just hung out and was hoping that she would call. I was just happy about the phone call that it didn't really matter if she did or not.

Well, she ended up not calling. I can only assume that she was tired from all the driving around and just went to bed early.

I called her this morning as part of my daily routine just to say "I love you" and "I miss you". Hopefully, soon, it'll be every morning in person when I wake up each morning minus the "I miss you".

The weird feeling is that I've seemed to settle down as far as the hurt is concerned. Don't get me wrong, I still miss her dearly and will do everything to get her back home, but it's as if my patience has become more patient. I've also accepted the fact that I've done something terribly wrong to her and am looking forward to making it right.

As usual, thanks for the insight Becki. I'll see about getting a copy of the book. Sounds interesting.

<small>[ December 27, 2004, 07:53 AM: Message edited by: Bubba4Bebe ]</small>

Good!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Sounds like she might be beginning to come out of her shell just little. And the "weird feeling" you got from it all is the fact that you're beginning to get some hope back.
The Bible tells us "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". HOPE is one of the most powerful things there is on earth; without it we would all wither up and die.
I've just had to change the directions of my hope, I couldn't give it up. No more married life for me now until I meet someone who is willing to work on things from the beginning, and has enough introspective power to change when changes need to be made. That's what I had to learn to survive years ago when my last H left me for another woman. It helped me pull through!!!
Take care, keep us posted, and let us know what you learn reading! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Becki

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bubba4Bebe:
<strong> Becki,

How would you explain her running off like she did when this all started? Was she just frustrated and needed to release, to get away from it all?

Right now, it feels like she wants nothing to do with me but yet, we have a very amicable rapport when we're together. As if nothing's wrong. That's what's confusing me, the mixed signals. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to tell you, I have been reading this whole thing and you are doing the right thing. She had all kinds of emotional needs that you WERE NOT meeting. Why did you think she tried to hold your hand and make out??? That was what she wanted/needed from you, her husband!!! Sometimes guys just don't get all this stuff but you sound like you are moving towards a good thing. Don't bug her, just show her the husband that you can be! She left because she was sick and tired. When someone you love SO MUCH treats you like you don't matter, it hurts. After this happening repeatedly, it hurts your heart so bad... you feel like you have an incredible weight... and you cry alot. She can't do this around you. She just needs to sit, relax, think and love herself 'cause you couldn't! You definitely seem to be doing the right thing, so don't push things, respect her need to be away from you and just keep showing her what you should have been doing in the first place...

In addition, I react the same way as your wife does. Even when I am mad at my fiancee, I want to feel love... I say I love him... I want to hold him, I am still hurting but he is my best friend and I like that he is there for me when I am hurt... even if he was the one who did the hurting.

Last of all, you know, about the cutting thing... she probably wasn't joking. And, you had no right making any teasing about her size or anything like that. YOU are supposed to be the one person in her life that she can count on to LOVE HER, not the person who cuts her down at all!

<small>[ December 27, 2004, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: almostmarried ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by almostmarried:
<strong>I have to tell you, I have been reading this whole thing and you are doing the right thing. She had all kinds of emotional needs that you WERE NOT meeting. Why did you think she tried to hold your hand and make out??? That was what she wanted/needed from you, her husband!!! Sometimes guys just don't get all this stuff but you sound like you are moving towards a good thing. Don't bug her, just show her the husband that you can be! She left because she was sick and tired. When someone you love SO MUCH treats you like you don't matter, it hurts. After this happening repeatedly, it hurts your heart so bad... you feel like you have an incredible weight... and you cry alot. She can't do this around you. She just needs to sit, relax, think and love herself 'cause you couldn't! You definitely seem to be doing the right thing, so don't push things, respect her need to be away from you and just keep showing her what you should have been doing in the first place...

In addition, I react the same way as your wife does. Even when I am mad at my fiancee, I want to feel love... I say I love him... I want to hold him, I am still hurting but he is my best friend and I like that he is there for me when I am hurt... even if he was the one who did the hurting.

Last of all, you know, about the cutting thing... she probably wasn't joking. And, you had no right making any teasing about her size or anything like that. YOU are supposed to be the one person in her life that she can count on to LOVE HER, not the person who cuts her down at all! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">almost - Thanks for the words of encouragement. As each day passes it gets easier. Today, it actually got to the point where I was starting to get pissed off at her for doing what she's doing. But I realize that I have to re-focus because that's me starting to get selfish again. So I had to remind myself that she's going what she's going thru because I caused it and not because she wanted to do it.

You're also absolutely right about the cutting motion. I wish I knew then what I know now. Although she would say that she was joking I know now that it was really her way of dealing with what was going on by the man that was supposed to be her life partner...really makes me feel like crap when I think about things now. Again, I'm just hoping she gets home soon so she can see what she really deserves...a life partner for the rest of her eternity. Man, do I miss her...

BTW, thanks again to everyone that contributed. I'll definitely keep you all posted on this thread.

What a roller coaster ride yesterday. My wife calls me to ask if I can print out, basically a book, for her class that starts next week. It is 2 THICK binders worth of pages. So I oblige and we go thru the details of what exactly I need to print. She also tells me that she needs our Suburban to move more boxes at work. She's done that in the past so no big deal. I was having an overall good day and felt really good and hopefull about everything. So my wife says that she's coming over to the house tonite (WOOHOO!!) to pickup the Suburban and the book that I printed for her. Now I can't wait to get home!!

So I get home and it's weird because the garage door entry to the house is locked. I never lock that door. So I open the door with the key and, so far, everything in the house is normal. So I continue with my usual after work routine. I go into the bedroom and there is a bra and lingerie on the bed. The bed looks normal so there was no sign of you-know-what. I smell the bra and lingerie and it smells like it's just been washed so it definitely wasn't worn yet. I go snooping around some more and ALL her underwear is gone. Bra, panties, everything. I also noticed this morning that a good portion of her clothes is gone as well. Now I'm paranoid. Was she getting ready to move her things out? Was the use of the Suburban really to load up the rest of her stuff so she can move everything back home? I get in touch with her over the phone and ask if she was in the house. She says "Yes, I came home to play with the (dog)." I ask here what's with the missing underwear? She has a valid excuse because she didn't have any at her parents' house and she changes on a very regular basis.

So now I start snooping around our cel phone bills, looking at our caller ID on the phone to see if there's any infidelity going on, ALL the paranoia stuff. Even though I've already asked her once and she denies anyone else being involved. I talk to both of my sisters to try and assess the situation and my situation overall and how I should handle it. I had it all planned out. My goal was to get a grip on what is going on and what it was she was thinking about this whole relationship. The thing is I don't want to convey an angry tone so I had to keep level headed and just converse with her.

She finally comes over and I just lose it. I lost all focus of what I wanted to do and just played it off calm and cool. I didn't bring up ANY of the issues. We hugged for a very long time, kissed and hugged and kissed again. I LOVED IT!! Basically, I turned into putty. So before she left we hugged some more. I tell her how much I miss her and I finally tell her what some of the feelings are that I'm going thru. (I spoke to the phone earlier with her and asked her what she was thinking about during this time away. I specifically asked if she was thinking of continuing this marriage or not. She said, "Yes, that's part of it." To me that means that divorce was a possibility. That KILLED me.) So I tell her what I was feeling when she said that she was thinking about whether to continue the marriage or not and what it actually meant to me. I didn't ask in a question form so there was no response from her.

I think that will be my next step is asking whether divorce is a serious possibility. For me, it is absolutely NOT a possibility. I feel that we can work thru whatever issues she's dealing with as long as she is able to communicate with me. Right now, she's not doing a very good job of that. I also spoke with her mom earlier and judging from what she told me, this is how she's been raised. My mother-in-law doesn't really know the issues herself. She doesn't force any issue with her daughter. She pretty much just waits until her daughter approaches her asking to talk.

So I think I handled the situation well even though it wasn't to my standards. The reason I think so is because if I forced any kind of issue I think that would drive her further back and I didn't want to do that given how little the steps are that we are "moving forward" already. I didn't want to take any steps back.

Sorry to ramble on so long. Just thought I'd give an update and vent a little.

Yay! I am excited for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It sounds like everything is slowly unfolding. You did the right thing, just show her how loving you can be. She obviously wants things to work out 'cause if it was past the point of no return, she wouldn't be coming around and seeing your reaction to things. I'm glad for you... keep doing what you are doing and just remember... no pushing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

almost - Contrary to what my previous post sounded like, it was rather stressful. I did enjoy the closeness we had but the thing is that I hate riding this roller coaster. The fact that she chooses not to involve me in her contemplation of what she's going to do is just beyond my thinking. Who's she confiding in? Her parents don't even have a clue as to what she's doing. Whoever it is, I can only safely guess that it's definitely not me.

SO, I've decided that I'm going to cease letting this whole thing consume me. I'm going to limit myself to 1 phone call each morning to let her know that I miss and love her and that's it. Here's my thought process. If she keeps me in the dark, then I'll be in the dark. I've instructed everyone in my support "staff" (family) not to ever bring this up again unless I initiate it.

We'll see how this plan goes. Keep posted as the saga continues...

BTW, I'm still not 100% sure that she's not having an A. All indications point to yes even though she says no.

<small>[ December 29, 2004, 08:06 AM: Message edited by: Bubba4Bebe ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bubba4Bebe:
<strong> almost - Contrary to what my previous post sounded like, it was rather stressful. I did enjoy the closeness we had but the thing is that I hate riding this roller coaster. The fact that she chooses not to involve me in her contemplation of what she's going to do is just beyond my thinking. Who's she confiding in? Her parents don't even have a clue as to what she's doing. Whoever it is, I can only safely guess that it's definitely not me.

SO, I've decided that I'm going to cease letting this whole thing consume me. I'm going to limit myself to 1 phone call each morning to let her know that I miss and love her and that's it. Here's my thought process. If she keeps me in the dark, then I'll be in the dark. I've instructed everyone in my support "staff" (family) not to ever bring this up again unless I initiate it.

We'll see how this plan goes. Keep posted as the saga continues...

BTW, I'm still not 100% sure that she's not having an A. All indications point to yes even though she says no. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good morning!

You know, don't fear, I think there is a good probability that she isn't having an affair. From what it sounds like, she is just keeping some time to herself. Being on the other side of a similar relationship, I know that chances are that she is also not confiding in anyone but just going over her own feelings with herself. You know how you feel like you are on a roller coaster??? Probably she does too. If she is taking this time to herself to just sort out her feelings, it is probably internal. With you around before, it was probably hard for her to sort out what should and should not be going on in your relationship... especially when she still loves you. All she knew, is that she was unhappy!

One last thing, don't limit yourself in what you can or cannot do (ie. 1 phone call), just follow your heart from day to day. By doing this, you would just be making yourself almost unavailable to her in a sense! So... just stay open like you have been... be there for her... tell her you understand why she is angry and that she should take time to sort out things. But, also let her know that you realized your mistakes and you want to show her how you've changed, when SHE is ready. I hope that helps... I would like to think I am right on this one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />