My heart is breaking. My wife told me on 26/12 that she is unsure if she loves me anymore.

She says she is confused. She loves me as a friend but thinks the sparkle has gone for me as a husband. I feel so devasted. We have told our parents. Her mother cannot believe it, my parents are upset.

I have already identified that it is mainly myself to blaim. We have had a number of problems this year. Promotion in a stressful job, major car and financial worries. My wife says she feels that whenever I talk to her she feels I will snap back at her. I admit I have been an ogre to live with these past 4 months or so. She had similiar bad feelings some time ago but they went. We today identified that then, she had told me ealier on about her feelings. Whereas now she has waited longer because she felt I would be grumpy with her. I am confused though. Although she is spending some time with her family 170 miles away over the next week to think, she has twice today told me she loves me. Once over the phone then again about 20 minutes ago when she went to bed. I asked her why. She said she meant ' i love you as a friend'. I asked about earlier when she said it. She said she regretted it. She also says she tells her best friend she loves her. I am so confused now. Is she getting back at me, does she actually love me but actually has other problems or is she in denial? I hav not eaten for 4 days and am in turmoil. She had been behaving with a very hard pursona earlier until I said be yourself or it will push as both away. She now seems more like her old self, but......she loves me....as a friend and tells me. Then says to me it will be a long and hard process to get her love back for me as a husband if at all. Anyone ever experienced this?

I am 37 she is 24. We have been together 7 years.

Did you mean she was 34 or 24???

Either way, yes... I have felt that a little before... and I believe that I know generally why it happens. Last year, about this time, my fiancee lost his job. Our wedding was cancelled, we lost quite a bit of money (on deposits, etc.) and we got a puppy at the same time. Lots was going on, at the same time, I was on a break from school.

When you are married or living together and there are other stresses that you have to worry about, it is hard to have a fun and happy relationship. Everytime during this period that I was with my fiancee, we argued or discussed "issues"... there should be time for this, but I realized that there should be time for other things.

I think the best way to restore things is to try to set all of the issues of life (ie. finances) aside for a little while and concentrate on what you married into... you loved her, she loved you. At this time, you were both physically attracted to each other.

Try going on a date, do something fun, don't talk about feelings or issues... just be together (without children) and enjoy each other's company. I think that after doing this repeatedly... it should help put things back into perspective that could have been blurred before because of all of the regularities of life!

Good luck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

She is 24. We met when I was 31 and she was 17. But during these past 7 years (married after 3) had proved to outlast so many other relationships. The age difference has never even come into it.

Thanks for your reply. I really want my marriage to work and will take on board what you say. I love her with my heart and feel such a fool for putting other things before her.

Thanks again.

Basically, I'm in the exact situation as you including, almost, the age difference. My wife is 30 and I'm 39.

So, first of all, welcome to the "men only" club. I am also guilty of neglecting my wife. I am currently paying the price with what still has the potential to end up in divorce. This evening I convinced her that I/we deserve more than that. So for the next 3 days she will take into account most of what I told her tonite.

What I did first was own up to my mistakes. Apologizing is one of those things that seem easy but really isn't, kinda like drumming. "Sorry" really doesn't do it sometimes. Especially under the circumstances you're dealing with. What I did was ask her what it was that bothered her. She explained and I had to take the train ride back in time with her and understand, from her point of view, what it was she was actually seeing, NOT what I was thinking. I understood her point and explained why I behaved the way I did. In my case, I was selfish. I was only thinking of myself and my only goal was to be right. I was NOT thinking about the marriage. It was more important for me to be right.

I think that along with my promise to have a brighter future is what did it. The fact that she was away actually worked in my favor because I had told her that she was hasty in her decision because she hadn't even experienced the "new" me. All she had to live with was her thoughts and the thoughts of those that supported her. In other words, she only got to see how good it would be to live without me and not how much better it would be to live with me.

I also asked her if it would be hard to leave (divorce). She said that it would be very hard. Understanding her hesitance to come back because of possible false promises on my part, I said that if it's hard to leave, take the lesser of 2 evils. "At least if you work through the rough time of seeing how I've changed, you have a 50/50 chance of living the dream that you've always wanted because you already know what I have to offer. If you leave, you'll have to start from scratch again and go thru the whole process of re-inventing the wheel."

I also helped her see what she was missing. I asked her if there was anything that she missed since she's been gone. She replied, "My home. Walking up the stairs and coming home to you guys.(Our dog and myself.)" in a tearing-happy-reminiscing sorta way.

I hope this helps. I had to get it out while it was fresh in my mind.

Good luck!!