I originally posted in error in the Infidelity area, whereas I would be fairly certain that infidelity has little to nothing to do with my sitch.

But I'm not getting a lot of replies over there so I thought I'd post here. The link to the thread with most of the scene-setting is this:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=034640

Under "Separation or on a break?"

Seven weeks in I still have no idea if we are going to resolve this or not. I know its not long, but its been through a very busy and emotional period and despite frequent contact with my wife it begins to feel like forever.

If I stand back and take a long look then there is little to suggest that this cannot be resolved, or even that she has really pulled that far away or put in place much in the way of barriers to reconciliation. There are tell-tale signs, her willingness now to see me, talk to me, which was never really shut down anyway, she hasn't taken all her possessions, she seems to be playing fair with my emotions and being as honest about where we are at as she can be, stuck in her trying to get over what made her leave in the first place would be a good summary.

But every now and then the darkneess creeps in and I wonder if we are ever going to make much progress.

For my part I've stayed calm, never become angry with her, worked on the love bank, avoided the love busters, put myself into therapy and faced up to my issues and am working on them.

I have a "maybe" from her right now on sharing the questionaires and on counselling, but a no at this stage on my sharing with her the many self help books that I am reading.

I'm taking her for brunch on Saturday to celebrate her birthday the next day, and she picked the location, the site of our first ever real date.

I guess that I can keep on with this for as long as it takes, waiting for her to respond, but what if she never does, or if she decides that it is final, that she prefers where she is at now over coming back?

I just don't know how I will cope with that....

...and yes before anyone comments, there is a big age difference between us and I somehow doubt she has been or intends to be totally celibate whilst we work forwards. I'm not letting that upset me, although of course it does.

What more can I do?

Cheers

Hi Chris,
Unfortunately, I don't think you'll get many responses here, either, since this forum gets little traffic. The Emotional Needs forum would be the best place for you.

I just skimmed over the thread that you linked to. I think that the fact that she met you when she was only 19 is VERY important. She is likely becoming a very different person now...I think women tend to change the most in their mid-twenties. Your health issues reflect what I believe to be one of the most significant problems when there is such a wide age gap in marriages. This young woman is not ready to live that teetering lifestyle of uncertainity and death. I don't know anyone that age who would be. I think you two are likely facing problems both because of the large age gap AND the fact that she was too young...she hasn't been with enough men during the time that she has been an adult. She obviously feels a strong level of committment to your marriage, but my guess is she is denying her own needs as a young woman in order to do that.

There are so many layers to your situation, that I'm scared to make any suggestions and some of them might be too harsh.

Do you know if she wants children? I'd certainly be scared to bring a child into a situation where the father is facing life-threatening health issues. Actually, I'd be scared to bring a child into a situation with a 50+ year old father...even if he was very healthy and very active. Even if she hasn't revealed to you any longing for children, please realize that our generation tends to experience baby fever later in life so she may just be starting to want children or realizing that if she ever does want children, this is not a very good situation.

What I would do is not push her. Celebrate her birthday, but don't pressure her to make any decisions, yet. First, see if she is willing to reveal her true fears about this marriage and PLEASE accept those fears as legitimate and extremely important. Part of me wants to blame you...not to sound nasty, but YOU are a mature man who fell in love with a child. You had to have known that she had lots of growing to do even if she was wise beyond her years, she could not have had the normal adult experiences to shape who she would become. I think it is your responsibility as an adult to recognize that as she matures, she will change and chances are high that she will want what the rest of us want. A normal life. A normal family. A healthy family. Young women with father figure issues (I was one!) are so incredibly vulnerable when it comes to relationships and you may just need to let the girl go. And from what you've said, I don't know that she'll come back. Do you want her to if her mind, body, and soul are screaming at her to be and do something else with her life? Do you want to lock her down if she is now realizing that she wants something totally different?

I have the feeling you found her to be very mature for her age. I just want to share my theory on that. I was very mature for my age. I had been through so much in my young life and became an adult before my friends. I suffered so much as a child and teenager and everyone always told me that I seemed so wise and strong. Well, you know what? I needed to be young and carefree like everyone else! I needed to live a piece of my life without pain before I could see what I wanted and deserved in life. All of those experiences that made me so mature for my age completely stole away from me those things I needed to experience before I could have possibly been ready to marry (and I didn't realize that at all until I finally began to experience them...I would have married any of several boyfriends had they proposed and I would have made a huge mistake). I wasn't a screwed up teenager. I was very talented, very smart, very aware and caring. I didn't drink or smoke or do drugs. I DID however, go through a stage of sexual promiscuity that later woke me up to some deep-rooted problems that I had to deal with by myself.

I've written enough. Sorry for being so long-winded. Basically, I think I see in your wife what would have happened to me if one of my boyfriends had stayed with me and proposed. Had any of them been older than me and ready to settle down, I'd be in your wife's shoes.

Take care,
Smile

I would be fairly certain that infidelity has little to nothing to do with my sitch.
Personall, I'm fairly certain it has a whole bunch to do with your sitch.
In you other post, you wrote, "My wife was 19 when I met her, young yes, but she had lived a lot."
No, she didn't live a lot. She may have partied a lot & "been around" but she had nowhere near the amount of life experience you did.
And as Smile pointed out, she is becoming who she is now vs. who she was.
When ages are similar, you can grow together. Your growing was pretty much done 10 years ago

I'm not suggesting this can't/shouldn't be worked out though. I suggest you get a good marriaige coach help you with this. Yuou masy need to visit a few to find one who you feel comfortable with and agree with your POV on what you want to do. Don't necessarily stick with the first one you talk with.

Hmm,
Again its always dificult to get the story across accurately on a forum.

The difference in our ages is of course not ideal, but it is something we addressed a long time ago, it's not the issue that you might think it to be.

I don't have life-threatening illness to worry about, I simply suffer from a mild amount of hypertension, most of it caused by life style, a factor that I'm changing. The collapse I experienced after my wife walked out was compounded of the shock of that event and the fatigue of having been travelling and working for over two weeks around the world. By any other measure I am extremely fit for my age, my doctor often remarks that I have more the body of a 35 year old. That's purely genetics, although I must now begin to exercise a little more.

We both want children, something I'm finding frustrating about this situation, its delaying when we can begin that planning. You see I have to have a vasectomy reversed before we can conceive.

I'm intrigued by the comment about infidelity, I assume it relates to my owning up to an open marriage because there is certainly no affair happening here, on either side.

It would seem a little mad to now go posting in Emotional Needs as well, perhaps I'll leave it be until/unless something more happens.

My plan, if it can be called that, and I haven't discussed it with my wife yet, is pretty simple.

Be loving and considerate to her at all times, see her as often as she is comfortable with, talk often on the phone and in email, look for dates.

Meanwhile read every self-help book I can get my hands on, attend regular counselling myself, go looking for a good relationship counsellor, as said, there must be one out there, and hope to encourage my wife to engage first in the questionaires and then in counselling.

Lastly, make a certain on-line florist very happy :-)

Cheers

The difference in our ages is of course not ideal, but it is something we addressed a long time ago, it's not the issue that you might think it to be.
Personally I don't think you can simply say there is no problem because it was addressed.
Yes, there may not be any "problems" as such just because of the age difference, but you are at completely different emotional & intellectual places.
You had 5-8 years of "adulthood" experiences before she was even born.

According to you, the age difference isn't the problem and there is no infidelity (which doesn't have to be sex. It could be an emotional affair). And more often than not, the spouse is the last to know or even suspect.

What do YOU think is happening?

but a no at this stage on my sharing with her the many self help books that I am reading
One thing you need to be careful about. You found all this great material (and it is good stuff) and you are learning from it and it's natural to want to share it.
But your wife is probably thinking, "he's the one who messed up everything. Now he reads a few books and wants me to change? I don't have any problems"

Don't try to educate her. The best way to prove anything to her is by doing it and let her see the changes without you having to point them out.

Also, read the links below.

Hmm,

I take both your points Chris.

I'm not saying the age difference is a non-issue I'm saying it is something that we are aware of and that we have agreed is not a barrier to our relationship.

What do I think is going on?

I've no reason to disbelieve her that she had a rough time with me last year being so busy travelling, bad work habits at home, I'm a home-worker at the moment, and that started a spiral of her rejecting my affection when I offered it and my then ceasing to offer much in the first place for fear of the rejection.

Add to that her reading of a book called "Quarter-Life Crisis" that even though she says did not have any affect certainly seems to have done when you get comments like "I've missed my early twenties being with you." That's not really true, she has always had the freedom to be her age with friends and colleagues but she is not seeing that at the moment.

Then put on top again alcohol and the withdrawal of alcohol on her diet and a picture starts to appear.

There is no doubt that behind the mostly confident face she shows to me there is a great deal of confusion and she has not completely withdrawn from our relationship as a result whilst she lets time pass in the hopes of that giving her clarity.

An affair?

There is a level of honesty between us that has me believe that she would tell me if that was the case, added to which it would be a closure for her, a fait accompli to move on from the realtionship with me.

An emotional affair? Well she is sharing a unit with a guy who is also in a relationship breakdown, udoubtedly there is some mutual support going on, but its more a brother/sister thing as the guys' estranged partner has described it to me.

Not simple, and I could be wrong on some of this, but as I have said communication seems open and honest between us.

Cheers

An emotional affair? Well she is sharing a unit with a guy who is also in a relationship breakdown,

As Robot says, "DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!!

What do you mean she is sharing a unit? A workplace, a home, what?

udoubtedly there is some mutual support going on, but its more a brother/sister thing as the guys' estranged partner has described it to me.
This is very typically how many, many affairs begin.
First it's the friendship with work partners or someone they know. The little problems at home get discussed with the other person because they are around them 8+ hours a day.
The other person lends a sympathetic ear and starts chiming in with their own little problems. Pretty soon they both feel a little sorry for themselves and the other person and since they are in the same boat, they have a "common bond".

Most affairs don't start out with someone actively seeking them. They start out innocently enough like above.

Now your wife may NOT be having an affair, emotional or otherwise.
However, the situation (as you described) is very, very ripe for one and I do believe it may be happening.

HAve you read "Surviving An Affair" by Dr Willard Harley?
It describes a situation with similar circumstances to yours. (emotioanl affair)

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris?

Why do you want to tease out that there must be an affair going on here?

You could be right, although I doubt it, but its not what caused the separation, and its not helpful to be suspecting an affair before there is evidence.

I'm taking my wife to brunch today, its a birthday celebration, so I do not plan on talking relationship, but if the subject does come up I'll ask if your suspicions are correct and I'll believe whatever she tells me.

Cheers

Why do you want to tease out that there must be an affair going on here?
I don't want to "tease" it out of you or get you simply to admit it.
As I said from your posts and also from (too much) experience, the situation seems very much like it.
This is one of the big kickers;
"Well she is sharing a unit with a guy who is also in a relationship breakdown,".
As I said, this is a very, VERY ripe situation in which affairs begin.

Also, these comments from your other post;
"within less than 24 hours my wife of 18 months walked out.

There has been tension the past few months but this time she really left. She'd been doing some planning, had a place to move to within a couple of days, with a flatmate who had just broken up from a relationship as well

Now she talks of needing to forgive me, of needing to go and live life for a while, of never having been independent, of needing to be not near me for a while

I love her very much and I'm painfully aware that I have not given her what she needs the past year or more, I've been very busy on a new company venture, travelling a lot, on-line a lot, she says she felt lonely even when I was here, and I understand that.

I'm seeing a counsellor over my issues and that seems to be going well, very early, but promising, but her only approach to resolving her own issues, and she has several, is to "go live life for a while."

She has left but not made it final, she says she needs to live life a while, she knows how analytical I am of nuances in these situations, she was there during my last break up and is being very careful of what she says, but her body language, and actions, are not of someone leaving for good.”


and its not helpful to be suspecting an affair before there is evidence.
You gave quite a bit of evidence.
Besides, what else is going on which may explain her actions?

so I do not plan on talking relationship, but if the subject does come up I'll ask if your suspicions are correct and I'll believe whatever she tells me.
Why would you simply believe it? Just because?
Many times, people don't even realize they are an emotional affair.

But your wife has moved out of your house, moved in with another guy who is in the midst of a break-up and she needs "to go and live life for a while, of never having been independent, of needing to be not near me for a while".

Have you spoken with the other guys wife/girlfriend? I recommend you call her and see what she has to say & compare that compare your wife's explanations.
I don't think you should simply "accuse" her of it but you should dig a little deeper and not simply take her word for it.
After alll, she did promise to love and stay with you until death do you part, right?She' snot doing that now... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I suppose you could look at it that way, but as I have had to say numerous times on here its hard to get the whole picture over.

Yes, I have spoken to the estranged partner of my wife's flatmate, she is adamant there is nothing going on. At the moment my wife's father is staying at the flat as well, further suggesting no affair.

Why can it simply not be that my wife was feeling unloved last year especially with my work load and wanted some independence to sort herself out?

I've had some experience of affairs myself, lost my first marriage to an affair my wife had, what is happening here has no feeling of that at all.

I'll stand to be proven wrong, but I don't think so, the last thing my wife wants right now is another relationship, she is very busy sorting out the life she already has.

We shall see what, if anything, comes out of our date today.

Cheers

....and not a lot happened on the date....Picked her up, drove to the port, had lunch, a bit of a wander, dropped her home, was invited in for a few mins, could have stayed longer.

Conversation was inconsequential but she volunteered plenty of information about the situation her flatmate is in, trying to put a marriage pre the current estrangement back together, drunk half the time, broke, going nowhere fast in either relationship.

There's nothing going on there.

She was pretty depressed overall, which there is ample reason for, therefore she was intermittently cynical, but not at me.

At the end as we hugged and had a small kiss I stated "no change with us yet then, I take it?" and received a downcast nod.

It was all about what I expected, not what I wanted, but what I expected.

More time needed.

Cheers

You know, this is probably just me in a somewhat black mood, but after meeting with my psych yesterday I do wonder if perhaps a Plan B type approach might not have more affect than the Plan A way that I have been proceeding.

My psych listened to all that has been going on and made the comment that he could not see much else that I could do and that my approach was precisely correct.

He also said that whilst one can never really predict in these matters the fact that my wife has not really moved to any form of avoidance of me as yet, always willing to talk, meet, email etc, within the constraints of her job, which is pretty busy at the moment, was a good sign.

I agree with that, but the possibility of a long amount of time passing here was also mentioned and that led to discussing anti-depressants.

I'm pretty anti those type of drugs, in particular having seen friends in the past have bad reactions to them and difficulty in getting back off them, so I said no.

However there is no doubt that I am suffering some depression, which is a rather novel feeling for me, ordinarily I'm a very positive sort of person in all things.

If there were something I could take to simply take the edge off of those black periods when they strike then I'd be tempted, but apparently there is not. I'm told its a six months course and once you start you have to continue.

Its not a subject I have any great knowledge in, any feedback much appreciated.

Returning to Plan B, my belief from reading extensively here is that having commenced on a Plan A I really must give it a decent amount of time, and that has no where near passed yet.

The question becomes, is the frequent contact at all levels making it easier for my wife to just go with the flow and not really address what is happening, and would no contact make her more likely to think, or would the opposite occur?

I'll stress, my Plan A is not an act, I've made some real changes in myself and continue to do so, my wife on the other hand does not appear to really be doing much apart from letting time go by.

I could well be wrong on that of course, but I don't think so.

Any comments?

Cheers

HI Chris,
My only comment is that my understanding of Plan A is that it is designed for a couple that has not yet separated the way and your wife has. I'd focus on the 360 degrees plan. Run a search for it in the emotional needs forum. The idea is that whatever you are doing is not working, so do the opposite!
You don't seem terribly open to some of the other Chris' suggestions...kind of defensive. But, I tend to come across that way, too, even though I'm usually spending a great deal of time chewing on the same things I appear to be rejecting. I still would not vacate the idea of an emotional affair...better to be prepared and know how to gather information and approach your wife without being further deceived...and that's not to say that she would be trying to deceive you as much as deceiving herself.

Please realize while it is difficult for all of us to accurately portray the details of our relationships in this medium, certain things are good triggers for those members who have posted here for a long time. Sometimes you don't have to know or understand all of the details to see through to the potential root of the problems.

Hang in there. You pretty much discounted everything I wrote before, so I won't repeat anything other than I think the fact that you met when she was so young is a very important factor. It would be a very important factor even if you were the same age only now it might be more difficult for you to remember when and how those changes happened for you--harder to see through her eyes and understand the current pressures that she is facing. There very well may not be an affair...she's just growing up and changing...very normal, very natural, very little you can do about it unless you want to be selfish and not acknowledge her new needs.

Take care,
Smile

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: SmileADay ]</small>

Plan A & Plan B are for someone who’s spouse is having an affair.

You could try St Johns Wort. It worked for me quite well. No adverse side effects for me. It is a natural, homeopathic anti-depressant.

Returning to Plan B, my belief from reading extensively here is that having commenced on a Plan A I really must give it a decent amount of time, and that has no where near passed yet.
True, but you should not be doing Plan A or Plan B (if she’s not having an affair).

Smile,
My only comment is that my understanding of Plan A is that it is designed for a couple that has not yet separated the way and your wife has.
There is no problem with doing Plan A while separated.

I'd focus on the 360 degrees plan.
Do you mean the 180 plan? (maybe since Chris is down under, it's the 360? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That is another completely different approach and should not be done used with Marriage Builders principles. You can read about it here [www.divorcebusting.com]Michele Weiner-Davis Divorce Busting[/Url]

Hmm, shorthand I suppose, I meant the giving of time and affection aspects of Plan A, there isn't anyone she has to cease contact with, unless she is indeed having an emotional affair with her flatmate. That's always a possibility, but the more I see of it all the less likely it appears.

It's interesting actually, a good friend of both my wife and I is in town this week and was seeing her last night. I'm wondering what if anything he will have discovered, she is certainly not exactly telling me everything, more keeping up the front of independence than anything else.

This same friend remarked the other evening that when he first met us he was concerned over the age difference but very quickly he realised how compatible and "good together" we were. He is by no means the only person to have made that comment, all of our friends see us much the same way.

But I'll happily admit that even with that age differences do have their warning signs, she most certainly is at a different emotional state of maturity to myself, although not by that much I suspect, I'm quite likely somewhat emotionally retarded :-)

The real thing is that an affair is just not something my wife would be likely to enter into, especially with a guy who in her own words is "just a bloke."

She could certainly entertain having sex with him, she is as I have said not very restrained in that way, but with her father living there? I doubt it.

In any event he went back onto shift work this week, they will hardly be seeing each other from hereon. My wife commented before Christmas that it worked out rather well that way, paying half the rent but essentially having the place to herself, with her father at the moment of course.

I just re-read all of that and it sounds defensive.

I'm not meaning to be, but odd as it may sound here an affair might be easier for me to cope with, at least partly because my wife would be very unlikely to hide the fact if it were happening.

In one way I suppose that does reveal some of her immaturity, she has always tended towards situations that can seem to others to be rather risky or even dangerous.

Her deceptions, such as they are, are considerably more simplistic.

For example I realised yesterday that she was probably deceiving me over a hundred dollars or so that she spent from the account before she left, whilst I was away.

I'd idly asked her what it was and received no reply. Then when she was getting the paperwork for her loan, which still seems not to have come through, I asked again and was told it was Christmas presents, including my own.

Well, there are two amounts, both spent at music stores.

One I think is the presents, the other is likely to be a concert ticket to REM in April.

Why do I think that?

I hadn't realised that they were touring until this past weekend. when I did I emailed her asking if I could take her. Her reply was that she was already going, had bought the ticket a while ago.

That didn't quite jibe with someone short of cash and when I checked the ticket price it pretty well lined up, including booking fee, with the amount on the statement.

Given that it would seem that either she was being a bit mercenary, or as late as a week before she walked out she had no plans to do so.

The money is irrelevant but I'm a little bemused by how she has probably caught herself in this deception through my innocent offer to take her to see a band we both like.

Just how that will have any affect here I have no idea, possibly make her a little embarassed and defensive, but it might also remind her of the life style she has walked away from. especially when/if it does come out and I tell her its not a problem.

a 180 plan?

Hmm, I'll go and have a look, but actually I'm inclined to believe that what I am dong at the moment is actually working quite well, and ironically it is pretty well 180 degrees from the stupid behaviour I was exhibiting far too much of last year.

Thanks for your comments, keeping me thinking and sane.

Cheers

The real thing is that an affair is just not something my wife would be likely to enter into,
Believe it or not, an affair is something MOST people would not enter into. They get there by developing a friendship with someone and it gets too close. And moreso, especially with someone who is “just some bloke”.

here an affair might be easier for me to cope with
Yeah, it usually is because at least then you at least KNOW what is going on are and that you are not crazy.

For example I realised yesterday that she was probably deceiving me over a hundred dollars or so that she spent from the account before she left, whilst I was away.

I'd idly asked her what it was and received no reply. Then when she was getting the paperwork for her loan, which still seems not to have come through, I asked again and was told it was Christmas presents, including my own.
And still you bring out more ammunition for it to seem as if it’s an affair.
Why lie about these little things?
It’s all these “little things” which usually trip up a spouse when having an affair.

Since they are no big deal, they forget to dispose of the “evidence”.

ALL of your descriptions of what she is doing is very consistent with someone having an affair.
Does this mean she is?
No. However, I suggest you do NOT discount the possibility simply because "it's not her style" or because she (and her flatmates partner) told you she's not.
Also, I'm not suggesting you change your mind and agree that she is having an affair because of all of this.
But I think it deserves some very, very serious consideration.

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 05:33 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Sorry...yeah 180 degrees. Last thing we need is a 360, right? Sounds like you're doing those on a daily basis. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True, but you should not be doing Plan A or Plan B (if she’s not having an affair).</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought Plan A/B wasn't reserved for affairs. I remember there being a lengthy discussion on that at some point because I actually thought it was just for affairs and someone corrected me.

Either way, I don't think I'm helping too much, so I'll butt out. I really hope everything works out! If you think things are getting better, keep plugging away!
Take care,
Smile

Sorry Chris, yet again not getting over what I mean. Yes, I'm open to the possibility of an affair, but you need to appreciate that coming from a long period in open relationships its not the huge deal that it could be for others I suppose. I'm damned sure it would still hurt, that's a downside to open relationships, when all is well there is no impact, when things are bad, yes, it hurts.

I'm afraid I cannot get across the way my wife is in that regard however, so I'll leave it there.

:-) Yes Smile a 180 is definitely preferable to a 360.....

I have the same opinion on Plan A/B, seems just as sensible and applicable in this situation as in one that definitely were to involve an affair.

I think I'm about to have a not too good a day, can feel the tension building up again, uncertainty is a killer...

Cheers

Straight from a post elsewhere in case anyone wanders the way I do :-)

I had a significant change in the situation here last night.

My wife called around and we began talking.

She seems to have, for whatever reason, decided it is necessary to move forward, perhaps accepting that we, she especially, have been stalled.

Her proposition came down to this:

Our old relationship is finished, we need to put it behind us.

She wants no contact separation, not for long, initially she said two weeks, I suggested a little longer made more sense.

She will, when comfortable, reinitiate contact so that we can resume our friendship.

She remains open to the possibility of a new relationship "after a while" one built on the knowledge of the past but learning from it, not making the same mistakes.

If we get to that point there will be counselling, and she is happy for it to be together.

In the meantime we both rebuild our lives, she specifically talked about sex, she intends to have partners, me? I'm not really that interested beyond her, and that promise was there as well.

It's hard to convey but this feels to me to be very healthy progress, far better than the stasis we have been in.

She even, finally, accepted that she was "at least 50%" responsible for what has gone wrong and speculated upon closing our relationship and having children, if we get to that point.

This is going to be tough, but no harder than the past few weeks.

I cannot see where she is being anything but honest with me, no case of letting me down gently, although there may have been aspects of that getting us to this point.

So, I'm going to write this up, as a plan, and send it to her, and we'll see.

In the meantime I have some personal development to do. Books to read, my health is shot, a business to finish building, a house to make mine, smoking to give up.

Plenty to keep me occupied.

Here hoping....and hoping that this is not the end but a new beginning, or at the least the beginning of a new beginning....

Cheers

Our old relationship is finished, we need to put it behind us.
You are married. What does this mean? A divorce?

She wants no contact separation, not for long, initially she said two weeks
This is so she can see the om without you “getting in the way”.

In the meantime we both rebuild our lives, she specifically talked about sex, she intends to have partners
She already has a partner.

So, I'm going to write this up, as a plan, and send it to her, and we'll see.
So in this plan, you are;
okay with her having sex with other people while still married to you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
okay with a separation? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
okay with no contact with you(because SHE wants no contact with you)? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>