You know Chris, I'm becoming tired of your fixation on an affair. That's not what is happening here, and even if it were my wife does not need me to be in no-contact so she can see another man, we ARE separated.

I do not care how we rebuild our relationship, so long as we do.

She has looked, just yesterday, at my write up of "the plan," best summarised as draw a metaphorical line under our old relationship, have a cooling off period, re-connect as friends and explore a new relationship, in the meantime neither of us are thinking divorce and neither of us are looking for another relationship with anyone else.

She wants to meet with me next week and add a few small things, what they are I do not know, but I am quietly optimistic that she is now engaged in a dialogue with me on a possible way forward for us. It may not work, it may leave us purely as friends or it may lead to something new and wonderful, only time is going to show that.

I have had a number of relationship breakups in my life, never anything like htis, to me it is extremely positive and I think will lead to our reconnecting properly the way we always should have been.

To do that is going to involve a lot of work, for both of us, and a lot of faith, but we are trying, and that is how it starts.....

Thankyou for your input in this thread, but you are wrong in your assumptions and wrong in your comments, sorry.

Cheers

I'm becoming tired of your fixation on an affair. That's not what is happening here
Okay.

and even if it were my wife does not need me to be in no-contact so she can see another man, we ARE separated.
But when (some) people DO have affairs with NO intent to end the marriage, they like to do a no-contact separation. This makes it easier on their conscience. But your wife is not having an affair, so I don't see why she would want no contact with you, especially when she is planning on a "new relationship" with you.

neither of us are looking for another relationship with anyone else.
Do you think it's okay to have sex with other people without having a relationship?
You did write that your wife IS planning on having sex with other people. "she specifically talked about sex, she intends to have partners,"

She wants to meet with me next week and add a few small things, what they are I do not know, but I am quietly optimistic that she is now engaged in a dialogue with me on a possible way forward for us.
Yes, dialog of ANY kind is better than none.

but you are wrong in your assumptions and wrong in your comments
As I have written previously, yes, your wife may not be having an affair.
But from what you have described, her actions are identical to 100's of other relationships in which there IS an affair going on.

I have had a number of relationship breakups in my life, never anything like htis, to me it is extremely positive
This is a POSITIVE breakup?
Your wife of 18 months moves out & lives with another guy (who is also estranged from his wife).

Is "casual sex" okay for both of you in your marriage?

I'll leave you alone now. Prayin for ya'.

<small>[ January 22, 2005, 05:38 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

:-) I don't imagine there is any such thing as a positive breakup, I meant that to me this is a positve step towards reconciliation.

I do know quite well how my wife thinks, she needs to draw a line in her mind between the old and the new, that's what the brief period of no-contact is, she has confirmed that. In a way some casual sex is also part of that process for her as well.

I'm not hugely happy about the sex part, but it is the way our relationship has been, if we do get back together I think we will be discussing closing our marriage in that regard, it's already come up in conversation.

So, perhaps there is a "last fling" to be had for both of us. I guess if you have been in an open relationship for a long time, and I have, you don't get as upset as someone would discovering an affair when they thought they had fidelity from their partner. I think I've mentioned before though, in the present circumstance it certainly does hurt somewhat.

I've no idea who it is she is having sex with, it could be the guy she shares with, although I somewhat doubt it, he's hardly ever there.

A pity in a way, with him it would definitely be a no strings kind of thing in my view.

But she has assured me its casual, and I've no reason to question that, its just not something she would bother to lie about. You could only appreciate that if you understood her attitude to sex I guess. Perversely its a good thing she is not yet offering me sex, it shows she treats that seriously, but she certainly does not the other men she uses, and yes, I do get your point over sex without a relationship.

That's something that I can't really warm to, which is why I'm only thinking about it, no need for extra complication or risking harm to anyone else.

Thanks for your thoughts, I'll let you know what transpires after I see her this coming Thursday to add whatever it is she wants to our plan.

Cheers

Hmm,

Initially I receive an edited version of the plan, full of emotional stuff basically.

But what it came down to was to discuss and remove, apart from her adding a caveat to the fact that neither of us are contemplating divorce at this time, that being that if either of us do then we discuss first, no sudden paper serving, her noting that the no-contact period would be longer than her intial fortnight, and the inclusion of one of our cats to be taken by her to where she is living.

I can live with all of that, especialy after the discussion surrounding it.

Her original inclusions were, as I said, very emotional, including wanting/needing some money, well that can be done, but not this month, and a bit of a rant about the ex-partner of her flatmate.

Those were struck out.

But I will get her some money.

The discussion was more along the lines of her treating this as hope, otherwise there was none, and some in general chat.

Not an unpleasant meeting at all, and I was expecting it to be.

Cheers