my mom has watched our boys sence my youngest son was about 6 to 8 months old,he is now 6 and the oldest is 14. we have had talks with her before about difrences in the way she treats the boys.
we found out last night that the oldest son was fighting with the youngest,they do this from time to time. oldest and grandma have the basic same story,oldest was hitting{not hard}the younger in the face. grandma told him to stop. he said he wasnt hitting his bro that hardhe can hit much harder and punched the bed,walked out of the room picked up a big plastic bottle and started hitting tables and knocking over stools.
grandma said it didnt last long and after she said to him maybe you need some anger counseling.
my wife has been quite angry about this and has said that maybe we should have her mom watch the boys. i feel that i have been put in the middle on this becouse its been about a year or so secnce we have had any problems with my mom and every one has bad days.

thanks for any advice. dmb1967

I'm appalled that your 14 year old was hitting your 6 year old. But where does the discipline thing fit in? At 14, he's old enough that grandma shouldn't need to even worry about him punching his little brother. Unless there's something I missed in your story, the issue isn't with who watches them. I agree with grandma that the oldest does need some sort of counseling. Hitting his brother and then having a temper tantrum like that doesn't seem at all age appropriate.

the hitting thing was lite. they wresle around quite a bit,i wresle with them also witch will now stop.
the disaplining was more with her telling 14 year old that he needs counseling insted of coming to us first.

Wrestling and punching a small child in the face are very different things. I still can't see it as being appropriate. Do you feel that his reaction to being told to stop was appropriate for his age?

We are often blind to our children's faults. Please try to view it from a different angle. Imagine that your wife did in-home daycare for boys of that age and the oldest was punching the youngest. She told him to stop and he starts destructive behavior in the home. Would you feel that it was your wife's fault, or that the child was out of control? Many care providors would refuse to watch the children again after an incident like this.

At 14, I feel he's old enough to be told that he has anger management problems. She also should have told you. I think you and your wife are focusing on the very small detail of whether grandma should have said that to him when you should be focusing on helping your child learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.

Dobie

no i dont feel that it was appropriate and i have told him that.
i agree that she should have told us and i told her that this morning.
she is normaly very good with the boy and loves them very much.
and it is my W that is focusing on this insted of his fit. i think that the convesation i had with my mom should be the end of that focus and we should focus on the boy in stead of the incedent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dmb1967:
<strong> i think that the convesation i had with my mom should be the end of that focus and we should focus on the boy in stead of the incedent. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you're right. Perhaps your wife is unwilling to face the issue (my child couldn't have done that), and so deflects the issue to be about the grandparent, to avoid facing the reality that perhaps she didn't raise a perfect child.

But you are right, the focus has to be the incident and what's behind it. Frankly, I don't see anything hugely wrong with what was said.

thank you for your inputs it is invalueble