I know this forum is for mothers, but I need help as a husband. Last Friday, my wife came home 2:30 in the morning drunk/wasted/sick after a girls night out with a few old high school friends. Needless to say, I was very disappointed and upset. My wife is 30 years old and we have the cutest one and a half-year-old daughter.

I understand and realize it is important for my wife to socialize with friends, as she is a full time stay at home mom. I’m happy to spend some alone time with my daughter so baby sitting for me is not an issue. In fact, I took half a day off from work on Friday so that my wife can have the afternoon to take care of things and had the opportunity to spend time with her mom at the spa.

These outings with her old high school friends take place once every two months. Only one other women is married and have children and the rest are single. I only ask that my wife be home at a reasonable hour (around 11pm) for a variety of practical reasons. Her response is that I should not ask her what time she will be home. I feel that since we live in the same household that I should know.

Help!

Review the "Basic Concepts" link up at the top. One of those is something called POJA, which is what you and your wife need to reach about the outings.

There's lots of good material there. Perhaps these outings meet some need outside the marriage that isn't being met inside it. The BC link can hlep with that. There is also an EN questionnaire that has lots of good stuff in it.

Of course, there's a couple questions you have to ask yourself. (And don't get me wrong, how you feel about it is how you feel about it, there's nothing wrong with that). Are you worried that perhaps something is going on? Or perhaps holding her accountable for some reason because she doesn't want to be there with a 1.5 year old?

There could be a vast myriad of reasons as to why it's happening. It's also possible that what you consider to be practical reasons, she does not. And so again, an area where applying BC and then working towards a POJA can help.

Perhaps she perceives your request to be home by 11 as some kind of control issue. So because you wnat it, she's not going to do it. There's a bunch of things that can be playing here.

But the stuff in the Concepts link, and then the Q&A link will help you get a good start.

After you've reviewed that material in detail, try re-evaluating what you're asking, and *how* you're asking it. See if some progress can be made from there.