Im married to a very loving man. We've been together 9 years, 2 being married. He does like to drink once and a while which Im ok with except when it comes to acting like a child. Also, let me point out that I have a control thing. I like my life straight & narrow. Ok. My husband who will be 40 wants to go to a concert 50 miles away with a friend on a Friday night without me. Both my husband & this friend will drink heavily that night. First i was upset about who will be doing the driving. Course hubby thought I didnt want him to go to the concert. So I asked him not to drink. Well, now they plan on staying at someones house that night so they can party more and not worry about driving. Guess I should be happy but im not. This will be the first time that i didnt have my husband with me at night. I dont understand why he just cant drink. He cant answer that himself. His last words to me was that he was going whether i like it or not regardless of the circumstance. Well, Im hurt & angry. Part of me just wants to give up on this marriage, yep, cuz of something so small. I know. But Im more hurt then anything. My stomach turns and my heart skips beats. I dont know how to handle this. HELP

You have come to a place that can help.

Up at the top is link says "Concepts". Click it, and read *everything* under it. 2x. You'll see that material referred to as "BC" for Basic Concepts.

Then hop over to the Q&A section, and read some letters from Dr. H on how to apply BC to real-world examples. Not all of them will apply, but it's the application of the principle that's important.

Both you and your H are engaging in LB (lovebusters). You with your "control" methods (Selfish Demands), your H is engaging in LB's as well with his "Independent Behavior", and potentially Dishonesty.

I'm assumign the conversations were probably not models of good communication, so toss in some DJ's and AO's as well for good measure.

One of the tenets of MB is the POJA, which Dr. H explains very well, but essentially, don't do anything in which you both don't enthusiastically agree. But in order to apply POJA, you (both of you), have to stop engaging in the activities that are causing you to be outside a state of intimacy, and in the state of conflict or potentially withdrawal.

I think both of you have your work cut out for you. The BC material is critical, and a thorough understanding of it, and then *doing*/applying it is critical to the success an dhealing of your marriage.

If either of you continues to engage in LB activity, then the relationship will just grind to a halt.

I encourage you to read all that stuff, then really sit back and take stock of your relationship.

Remember, BC and the principles apply to *you*. Your H has to apply them to himself, it's not your job to sit down and give him a list of all the way he engages in LB's.

It's your job to stop committing LB's on your part.

You can't change your H, you can only change yourself, and then work to have your H join you in your new relationship.