I have read all the issues covered in the Q&A and none relate to what I have going on. My husband and I will be celebrating our 1 year ann. in less than 3 weeks. we met, fell in love and married in 3 months. (first mistake) We never went over the financial obligations of each (2nd mistake) Over months he couldn't work because of the weather and I had to pick up the slack. I was paying for the rent, utilities, auto insurance, both of our monthly child support payments and the automobile insurance. Suddenly money was missing from my bag and he wouldn't tell me about it until I asked. Several times this happened and I informed him that I didn't mind if he took money, just let me know so I could adjust it for the bills. It got worse and one day our change jar wound up missing. I asked about it and he said he took it, so I explained to him that I was saving it for a little splurge at the years end. He agreed and replaced it. Three days later it was gone. I called and again asked if he took it. He said yes and didn't think it was that big a deal. I eventually had to buy a safe to keep him from the money in the house. He has no access to the checking account and refused to be joint when it was opened. I called this "taking of money without telling" stealing. Is it between a married couple??? Please help!

It's definitely dishonest, IMHO.

You might have more luck on the "Emotional Needs" or "General Questions II" boards - there's more traffic there.

C

Well, you may want to look and see if something a little deeper is going on. Yes, I agree with you, I think it's dishonest.

But perhaps there's some other issue/addiction, lik egambling, or drugs, or something else.

It would definitely be something that I wouldn't just let slide.

I hate to say that I know how you feel. I am going through a similar experience with my husband. Though not exactly like yours. I bet you have read the issues with lying husbands section of the book and just felt total despair, as I did. Stealing is a form of dishonesty. There may not be underlying issues with substances, he could be just like my husband and just plain ignorant when it comes to money. I have been arguing all day with my husband about a hobby he wants to start that is going to cost thousands of dollars. For a long time I could not sleep at night for fear of financial obligations and worries. Then, after reading a lot of the concepts found here and in "His Needs Her Needs" I decided to create a budget that accounted for every penny spent. I cannot begin to tell you how much better my life, stress, anxiety, has been since the day I put this budget into effect. I know exactly how much money can be spent and still cover all the bills. This also gives my husband a set amount that he can use every week. I had to take away his debit a long time ago because he would nickel and dime us to death, literally $1200 worth of overdraft CHARGES in a year. (That is just the bank charges, not counting the money he went over our means). So for some time now I would get to the store in check out only to find he had taken my debit that morning from my purse. This has happened on so many occasions that checkers almost ask me if I am sure before I step in line. I am now in the habit of checking before I go into the store to avoid the public humility. Over the past couple of weeks we have implemented our budget and it seems to be really working for us. I would love to swap ideas with you about no good stealing husbands, feel free to email me through this board. I wish you the best of luck and I will post any new ideas as they work out for me as well.