My husband and I are trying to give our marriage another chance. We both are working real hard to make this time a success. During our separation we dated others, and we have tough issues associated with that. Additionally, there are elements of substance abuse, anger control, affairs, and other trust issues. Regardless of all this, we always seems to come back to the fact that we love each other deeply. When its good, its really good...when its bad its awful. Before now, it has been one or the other trying -- this is the 1st time its both 100%. We are both actively making conscious effort to change behaviors and choices. Both active in church now, for example. We are separated and living in two different homes. We spend the night at my place part of the week, and at his the rest. We have been actively working on it about a month. The plan is for him to move in with me as soon as he can sell his place. Then if we can continue to hold it together from now to our 10th anniversary (May 06), I think it will stick for good.

My family is 100% behind us, no reservations. His family is behind us, for the most part, but I can feel a physical reservation coming from his parents. On the surface, they are very 'nice' like one would be to an acquaintance. Its very hard for me because before the separation, I was very close to them -- particularly his mother. Now her body language is neutral, at best, and guarded a lot of the time. I think this stems from her growing to like his last girlfriend a lot and seeing her as a valid replacement. They developed a relationship that I think probably replaced the one she & I had. His dad just goes with the flow. So, what can I do? Mostly I think I should let time take care of it. Let her see that I am still the same, even after the separation & reconsiliation. But another part feels so discouraged and hurt by the distance that may not go away. I am very close to his family, as we live in their city. Mine is scattered across the world. I feel that I need that closeness to feel our efforts to reconsile are truly successful...what do I do?

Chimie

Keep your focus on the fact that you're marrying your H, not your H's family.

In the end, it's really about you and your H.

I suspect that if you and your H make it work, and the family can see the fruits of it, then your MIL will most likely soften up, and you can re-establish your relationship with her.

Sounds like there's enough for you to be working on, if you try to take on too much, you'll break.

Thanks Jaye -- I feel that you're probably right. I just miss the closeness so.