My spouse continues to have contact with the OP inspite of my requests to end it. She says it is friendship but I have found a note from OP saying love. Wife says she wants to work on our marriage but not give up 1-3 hours per week (in public setting) with OP. We're 3 months past DD and I am losing patience and not doing well building her love bank -- I can't get past her insistence to keep him as a "friend". She says I am "badgering" her, controlling her, ect. We're somewhat stuck. Every time I bring up OP, she explodes with anger -- saying that it is us, not him that is the problem. I want to work on us, but cannot understand her belief that it is okay to maintain this "friendship". Question: Do I (re) confront OP and tell his wife, whom I believe does not know? I am hoping that OP might back off if his wife was aware. I am sure this will anger my wife further, but a talk with OP's wife and him may expose this for what it really is and possibly force and end to their contact...Advice? Help?

You might have to.

I would encourage you to post this over in Just Found Out, or perhaps GQ 2, as they get a lot more traffic from people in similar situations.