My wife and I have a huge problem. We cannot have a normal conversation without it turning into an argument. We can't talk about serious issues (money, remodeling, etc) without us flipping out on each other. Nine times out of ten she starts yelling and I just shut down, because I don't want start a huge conflict. So what happens is she yells and screams and I just say nothing. This makes me resent her and our whole communication process.

This morning was a prime example. We had a discussion about money. She told me that I need to increase what was to be taken out of my paycheck. Then I told her that I would contact payroll and change my exemptions. Well, I guess two things happened. First, she had not completed her train of thought and I cut her off mid-sentence with my thoughts. Second, I may have sounded like I was not fully interested in the issue. Then it turned into an arugument that I was not interested in the issue.

I just feel there is no way that I can have a discussion without it turning into a fight. Her tone turns defensive and then I get move defensive. Then something as simple as, "Please increase the amount to be taken out of your check.", turns into a fight of me not caring about our family issues. How do we communicate more effectively?

I get so resentful, I make myself mental. HELP.

I feel for you, really, because that sounds exactly like my husband and I. Have you read "Love Busters"? My husband and I read a chapter together whenever we can, and amazingly after just two chapters we are already doing better. Is your wife willing to share a book with you like this? Just learning about selfish demands and learning that we BOTH have to be happy with decisions has cut down on our arguing. My husband and I love each other, but it seems like we absolutely cannot talk about anything at all. Not dishes, kids, dinner, clothes, ANYTHING. It seems like we NEVER agree at all. Until we started reading, now we are in the middle of a huge argument right now, so things aren't perfect. But we have cut out SO much of the petty meaningless, how the heck did we get into an argument AGAIN type of arguments that we actually have a lot of peace now, and most importantly, we have hope that there is more in the book that will help us do even better. Of course I have read a lot more than him and that is frustrating at times because then I KNOW all the stuff he is doing that isn't right, but I find myself reacting wrong as well. It is hard, but it is definitely a shot of hope. I hope that offers some encouragement to you.

We've read the book and tried some of the exercises. And this is more my fault than hers, I find myself slipping back into my old habits. At least now I don't have ESPN on when we come home, but the PC may be on. We eat dinner together and the kids don't watch TV until after dinner and homework.

I just find communication with her is judgemental. I feel like it's an inquisition. More often than not I feel like it's her way or the highway. When it comes to the communication department I definitely feel like a third rate citizen.

It feels like it's her dictating than communicating. Her thing is if I don't give the proper response to a question or situation it turns into an arugment. It's just easier to give her her way and give up that battle.

She gets frustrated with me, because she feels I apathetic. I'm not, it's that I don't need to drama and stress of fighting with her about every little thing. Those the times that regardless of what I say or do it would be wrong.

I feel that the problem is me being afraid to communicate with her, because of her temper and outbursts.