If you repost it on a section with more traffic, like Emotional Needs, it'll get more of a response.
I agree, this one's a toughie.
Here's a question -- does it happen both ways? I know there are things you say that you each remember differently -- is the same true of things she says?
Wife: "I am really hurt because you have done XYZ"
Husband: "I am sorry you are hurt. What exactly did I do?"
This sounds like a good response so far.
Wife: "I wish you just knew, but if I have to explain it, here it is...<explaination>"
Husband: "I'm sorry hun, but you need to know I didn't say those things. I think you mis-heard me."
Ok, I can see a problem with your response here. You should never use phrasing like "you need to know that..." to your spouse -- it's disrespectful.
Wife: "Great. So I am a liar. You didn't even take a second to validate my feelings!"
Ok, so what this last bit tells you is that what she is looking for, first and foremost, is some validation of her feelings. If you're willing to do some of that first, *before* you settle the question of what was actually said or not, it might really rearrange this dynamic. It's worth a shot anyway.
Wife: "I am really hurt because you have done XYZ"
Husband: "I am sorry you are hurt. What exactly did I do?"
Wife: "I wish you just knew, but if I have to explain it, here it is...<explaination>"
Husband: "Wow, that's not how I remember it, but I could see how that would hurt you. Can you tell me more about it?"
Take a few minutes to explore her feelings and agree that she has them -- if she says she is hurt, agree that she's hurt, and do what you would normally do for her feeling hurt about something whether or not it has to do with you -- would you hold her for a bit? Long squishy hug? What does she like in the way of a gesture of support when she feels hurt?
Note that none of this involves agreeing that you said exactly what she's saying you said.
Here's a really important part: The above bit of supporting her doesn't need to take very long in terms of time, but it's critical it doesn't feel rushed or cut short.
After a bit, you could say:
Husband: "You know what? I feel hurt too. Can I tell you about it?"
Wife: hopefully replies in some kind of affirmative
Husband: "I feel hurt because I'm sure that I didn't say XYZ, but PQR. I feel hurt and sad and misunderstood."
What do you like from her as a gesture of support when you feel bad about something? If you like a hug, ask for one at this point.
What do you think? Worth a shot?