Most of you know my wife (yes, small case w) left on 17 Feb).<P>Sat night we were watching a show on the Nature channel about male/females during courtship. This bird from S America builds a nest with flowers & seeds. Very cool. If it can’t attract a female, then it reorganizes everything.<P>My 8 year daughter was laying on my lap and said, “Dad, you should do something like that.” I asked her what she meant. She said, “I don’t know.” I told her I was doing everything I could & she said, ”I know.”<P>Tonight (Sunday) we were on the way home from my Mom’s house. We were talking about getting rid of some of her old clothes. I said we should give them to the Goodwill & she said, “that’s nice because poor people can’t afford clothes.” It changed to the people on the road with “feed me” signs.” We talked about homeless shelters & she said they were like an orphange. I asked her if she knew what an orphanage was. No. I told her it was for kids who don’t have any parents. She said, “You’ll always be my Dad.” I told her, “Yes, absolutely forever & ever I would, but accidents happen. I might get into a car wreck & die. But I would watch over her from Heaven.”<P>She said, “I would go live with Grammy (my Mom) or Uncle Scott or...<P>No mention of my wife. Pretty heartwrenching. I did start to cry a bit ’cause I Love Her so much! She’s my little baby & always will be. I couldn’t tell her mom would be there for her, ‘cause I don’t know if she will.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Aw, Chris, my heart aches for your girls. This has to be hard for them, but you know your w will be the one who has to live with herself over this. You are and have been doing all you can, you sir are an exemplery parent. The girls are sooo lucky to have you , I know of kids who's moms have left, only to have their dads leave them with verious relatives so they could be free to party too. Chris, I am proud to call you my friend. I noticed you switched to lower case w, when did that start ?<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

The lower case w started when my daughter told me that tonight. No I don’t love my wife any less, but I am losing respect for her. I have only talked to her for 2 minutes in the last 4 weeks.<BR>Jeez, my daughters mean so much to me! I really thin my 8 year old will go on to be EXTREMELY successful. She is very smart & knows EVERYTHING! Watch out world, a cure for cancer is coming!<P>My 13 (14 today, 30th) year old is a bit ticked off sometimes ‘cause she has to watch her sister at times, but what can I do? I have told her I appreciate everything she does in the house, but mom’s not here to do some stuff so we have to pick up the slack. She knows & is pissed off at mom.<P>Tonight, we are going to Red Lobster for her birthday & then to a movie. Mom may call but we won’t be home. Bummer.

Hi Chris,<BR> What in the world can your wife be thinking or do you think she's just not allowing any thoughts whatsoever? Do you think she's on drugs? You have said she was a good mom in the past ....it's like her brain has short circuited or something. I'm trying to understand but it's the fantasy I guess.....do you think the guilt is killing her? You are a wonderful dad, when I hear your story I think about Meg Ryan and how her mother took off and left the kids with her father.... obviously she turned out ok and is really close to her Dad....(not too fond of her mom, but I don't think she ever came back).Just rambling and trying to understand .....Lu

I feel so bad for your girls. My oldest two, especially the 19 year old, have already talked about how if anything happened to me, they would raise the little children. I don't know how the betrayers can do this to their kids.

Chris - When we see our children hurt, it doubles up our own pain. One day it is going to hit your wife between the eyes as to what she has done. She will die inside. My prayers to you. Hope your daughter has a nice birthday.

I can not imagine how it must feel for you or your kids. It is so unacceptable to abandon your kids. If there is any bright spot, at least they instinctively "know" they can not count on her and maybe that is just a little better than either trying to get her affection or holding out false hope of her coming through for them.<P>It also shows how safe they feel with you. <P>As always you are in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Dear Chris:<BR>It is always so very sad when children are involved. It is very sad what your child said to you, but, in the end, your wife will have the loss. Because, your daughter (if anything happens to you) will have your parents and they will give her lots of love, but, your wife will most likely be disrespected, rejected from your children because of her lack of concern or involvement. Things always work out somehow. It is ashame though because all children need their mothers, but, you never know who you can meet. That person could also be like a second mother to them. I know there's nothing like your own mother. I wish you the best of luck and my prayers go out to you and your children. Katya

Maybe the forgiveness workbook is something you and kids could go through together.<P>Especially for the 13 year old, before bitterness really affects her life. Both the girls have to know that what mom did is wrong, and D-13 is very angry, because not only did she need her mother - she's been picking up a lot of the slack.<P>Just an idea. <P>Maybe the 8 year old is thinking about you getting her a "new" mom? I think I would ask her what her feelings were, as she was thinking about that bird. There are no wrong feelings, ya know. Feelings just are!

Chris<BR>Your kids have something very imprortant. They have a parent who recognizes the potential trauma they could go through.<BR>You have won half the battle for them just by caring how this affects them. Kids are not always as resilient as one would like to believe. But with a parent who recognizes that, it will be much easier for them. <BR>You are there for them in every way and they do not have to go it alone. <BR>Be very proud of yourself.

They haven't said really anything about her. Occasionally they say something like, "is that one of Mom's friends", but not anything about her.<BR>I have told them what Mom is doing is wrong. I made sure I did not tell them she was bad or anything like that. They are gonna draw their own conclusions.<P>I did probe a bit about the bird, she just said she didn't know what she meant. <P>Received a packet from her teacher. There is a sheet with family info on it for a project they are going to do. One of the questions for her to answer is;<BR>My family consists of ______________.<BR>She asked me what that means. I told her, "who is your family?"<BR>She said you , me & sister. After a pause she said Mom.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Hi Chris -<P>Don't have much to say except I'm sorry!<P>I know it's hell and I wish you three weren't in it!!<P>Really worried about the oldest - she's at an age where the anger she has is adding so much to the hormones, peer pressure and all the "normal" trials of growing up. Make sure, somehow, that she works through that with an adult - you, SIL, etc. I know that you will, I'm just concerned.<P>Have they talked with her more than you have in the past month? Do they relate any feelings to her or do they keep it in and not ask her anything?<P>I'm sorry you're at the small w point!<P>Hugs and Hang In,<P>Sheba

They have talked to her. They just talk about school & stuff. Nothing important. Mom says she loves them a bit and she misses them, but not about coming home. <P>Tonight we’re off to Red Lobster & to see “Bowfinger”.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hope you enjoyed the evening!!<P>How's the food?<P>What is Bowfinger? Didn't see promos for that one - movie or cartoon? Who's in it if movie?<P>Talk to you later,<P>Sheba<BR>

Chris, <BR>My kids are the same age as yours. I don't know which is worse, your w not around or my w popping in and out for 5-10 min, 2-3 min phone calls daily , or a couple hour shopping trip. Sometimes I wish she would have moved far away.<BR>I told my daughter last week what w was doing was wrong because w told daughter that I was keeping her away from them by not allowing them to go to her and om apartment, not allowing w to come on and clean and to go grocery shopping for us. I've tried not to drag them into our mess but she forced my hand.<BR>Good luck to you and if you have any pointers on raising those 13-14 yo girls please let me know !

The food was most excellent. I had the shrimp feast. (still not enough shrimp for me though!)<P>Bowfinger was an excellent movie. Steve Martin plays a real dumpy director. Eddy Murphy is THE top Hollywood star. Martin has people runnign up to him and he films it. Murphy doesn’t know what’s going on. Very funny show.<P>How to raise a 14 year old female?!? An EXTREME amount of patience for one thing! She’s a good kid & I love her.<P>There was a preview of the movie, “The Story of Us”. Jezz, I bawled for the whole three minutes. Looked like, “The Story of Me!”<BR>“Can a marriage survive 15 years of marriage?” is what they ask at the end. I’ll go see it & cry like a baby the whole time. Bruce Willis & Michelle Pfeiffer (I think I’m in love again )<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Glad you had a good time!!<P>Someone had mentioned "the story of us" somewhere on here not too long ago.<P>Sounded good but I'm not gonna see it - can't!!!!<P>Going to go to the scary movie - yup, that's what I need - no happy sad relationship stuff, got enough of that!!<P>Give me a good fright and then I'll be thankful that there are scarier situations than this nightmare!!<P>Had a dream the other night that H went to Disneyworld with OW!! It's on my mind cuz for our tenth anniversary we had planned to go (sept. 30) instead he took her - awful dream and I was a veeeeeeery baaaaaaaad girl!!!!!!<P>

Drat.... double post! <P>B<p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited August 31, 1999).]

"Kids are like sponges.... they absorb all your strength, love and life. But one good SQUEEZE, and you get it all back!"<P>Hang in there Chirs. My thoughts & prayers are with you now and always.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>