I need help. My wife loves me, but after 13 years of marriage, she says she never has been "in love" with me. Both of us would like to create this for us, so we are both able to be fulfilled.
She began to fall for another man, and wants to make it work with us. Any adivce on what she and/or I should do?
This may not sound like it, but we are both currently miserable and at a loss for what to do.

<small>[ March 16, 2005, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: Xian ]</small>

Since you have not received any comments since the 15th, I’ll at least do that -

This sounds familiar to me, however I am the wife who stated the never been “in love” line. At this point, I’m not so sure that that line holds weight. I believe I used that line to try and push my husband away further so that I could be free to pursue a new partner. I feel that I did love my husband and continue to on many levels. Saying that you’ve never been “in love” is mean and I think it’s just a jab to provoke a breakup AND/OR it’s a sincere cry for help to get their needs met. Assuming your wife is over this other man, that’s great. And it’s great you’re both talking about it all. We talk about it too. It’s been over a period of about two years that we’ve been struggling with it. He’s 100% committed and doing everything right. For some reason I’m still not 100% on board. I can only think that from years of being unhappy, it’s a struggle to give up on the fantasy of another man and an imaginary “perfect” relationship...plus, I still see the man I idealized on a daily basis. That’s got to be bad for moving forward. Hopefully that’s not the case for you. I think reading all the material on the site helps tons. I also think that short vacations together is a great step forward. Also dinners.... My husband encourages me to do these things and it does help. It’s funny because I actually introduced him to this site and the books at a time that I wanted to jump ship! But this is has held us together. I think continuing to talk about it and do special things together will eventually make your wife realize that she is and was “in love” but things need some attention. You’ll succeed - stick to it.