My wife and I have been married for 8 ½ years. We have been together for the past 15 years. Last Thursday found a CD in our car that had all these love songs on it and questioned her about it. At first she said that it came from a girlfriend of hers from work then finally confessed that it came from a guy that she worked with. She says that she never has sex with this guy. She says that she feel as though she had an emotional affair on me but that no physical contact was ever happened. Apparently the guy found a new job and he no longer works with her. At first she said that they only talked at work but later confessed to 1 meeting outside the work environment after I started to question her about missing pay from her paycheck. I know prier to that she has come home last saying she worked overtime or was part of a union drive at her work. The only meeting she admit to outside the work environment took place sometime in the last 3 weeks. She said that he asked her to meet with him because he as leaving and wanted to talk and that is when he gave her the CD. She also said that that is when she told him that she couldn’t see him any longer. She says there has been no contact since then but for some reason she kept the CD.

Q 1 - I’m having a had time believing her as to what has happened between them.
Do I need to details to be able to move forward?

Q 2 – If I just let it go and try to move on thinking she is still lying to me will I ever be able to move forward?

Q 3 - After listening to the music on the CD and time from work/working overtime I find it very hard to believe that there was no sexual contact between them.
Does it matter?

Q 4 – If the relationship was over why keep the CD?
It was the only way I would have ever found out about them if it was truly over 3 weeks ago like she says.
Did she keep it hoping I’d find it or because of feelings for him?

I know she didn’t do this in isolation. I haven’t been living up to my end as of late. I’ll go into that in my next post.

Our relationship has always been pretty good. When we first started to date we both wanted children very badly. My wife has endometriosis and it took us 5 years to finally have our son. After a couple/5 more years of trying after our son was born, using hormones, fertilization shots and surgery we decided that it was time to forget about more children and life was good. Her periods have always been bad so after we had decided no more kids she was going to have a hysterectomy. She never went to have the surgery and 2 years later we found ourselves pregnant. I had a very hard time with it. By that time I didn’t want another Baby. I was angry at her and was not there to support her at all through the entire pregnancy. At the same time some friends of mine found themselves on very hard time and I offered to help them out (They have 2 children) by offering them a place to stay for a bit. (Without her consent) She hated these people and thought that I had had and affair with his sister (I have never had an affair on my wife). They stayed here for a month but it was the month my daughter was born. I hurt her terribly. I wasn’t even willing to listen to her then. When we met I never drank at all. We met in 1990. I started to drink again in 2000. I was sober 12 years and stopped drinking @ 24 I’m now 41. I never thought it would end up being a problem. After I found out about the baby I started to drink a lot more. So now she has even more to resent me for. Since the birth of our daughters (June 03) our life (I thought) was getting back to normal. I was a fool, she is a beautiful little girl. We’ve talked, we’ve laughed, our sex life has been great, I bought her a new SUV in OCT, we had a great Xmas and went to Florida for 2 weeks in January. I didn’t see any signs that she was having a problem with us until I found the CD in the truck. She has been talking/whatever with this guy since well before Xmas. She says she just can get over how I treated her during the pregnancy and is not sure how she will or if she will ever be over it. She said there relationship started because his wife was pregnant and he was having trouble with it? She’s not sure when the relationship started.

To me these have been some of the best times of our life together. This was first vacation we’ve had since our son was born do to money. I think I have done everything since the birth of our daughter to convince her that I love both her and the baby. But I still drink. Not as much as during the pregnancy but I’m still drinking. There is probably a lot more going on but I can’t think right of anything right now.

Any comments /suggestions would be greatly appreciated.