I have been married for 5 years, together with my husband for 7. he has a daughter 17, 5 (no custody) and a son 15,5 (custody but in boarding school abroad), and we have a son 3,5 and a daughter 19 months. As said in Dr Harley's column very few of blended family marriages survive 5 yrs. Well, we're there. Harassment of his ex-wife. Daughter upsets me so much that finally i have asked my husband to see her elsewhere. As quoted in column of june 10, 1996: ...still find living with each others children to be intolerable... children and upset spouse remain seperated. Which is not the case says my husband because he has not custody, but I say even part-time living is living together. But this is just one point. The whole point is Why Women Leave Men, which my husband says is biased, since there is no article Why Men Leave Women. The emotianal neglect is as follows: it started about a year after our son was born. I found out my husband had put a huge amount of money in an insurance policy without telling me, and always claiming to have financial difficulties at the moment. So bad he couldn't reimburse 1700 FRF into my son's savings account. I felt so cheated. It was, he said, because he thought I didn't love him anymore. That was the start of a regular "You don't love me anymore, do you? Tell me you love" Then I was pregnant with our daughter, when I was 4 months pregnant, after a fight, we wtopped having sexual relations for 10 months. But more than that, in this vulnerable period for me (pregnant and then breastfeeding) I received no tenderness, no affection, no caring. Never asked about the baby. And on top this was also the period of the worst tension with his daughter before I stopped seeing her. I had nightmares all the time, if I wasn't lying awake. Even my gynocologist noticed something was wrong. This time of joy and expectation was a time of sadness, loneliness, hurt, abandonment, the worst of my life. There are lots of other smaller things but htese two left the biggest scars. Now my husband is someone who doesn't like conflict and will do anything to avoid it. He'll ignore it for the sake of peace and quiet. EG when his son asked 2 years ago to come live with us because he wanted to have a stable family life and someone who took care of his education, his mother brainwashed him that she wouldn't have any money left to live if he came to live with us. And my husband didn't even fight for his son, whose education is now zero (school and home education). And he's trying to make up by putting him in a strict English boarding school. (after his son second request to come with us). He didn't want to upset the boy by going to court. <br>Now I am someone who likes to fight for the ones I love and I'll defend them when I think it is necessary. I admit I have a temper, and the fact that my husband doesn't fight and I can't understand this, I now have a temper for two. Meaning I try to fight for two. I asked my husband to see a counsellor many years ago, on the subject of his daughter and our marriage. But he didn't think it was necessary. By the time he accepted, It had gone too far for me with his daughter. Anyway, in France they know nothing about stepfamilies. Now I want to save my marriage. Now again on neglect: quote Why Women Leave Men: he ignores me except when he wants sex. So true. It is a big subject for him the sex, but he doesn't seem to get the reason why, that we have to fix our relationship first before this comes an issue again. Then the recreational companionship. My husband works, plays golf, sees his kids and works in the garden. If we don't have a fight, we go out on Friday night. When his kids cancel their meeting, he goes to work. I feel as if I'm not good enough to take time off for. We don't do things together, we don't have fun anymore. For him golf (twice a week) is his only escape from it all. Oh, yes las thing. My husband had "malaise cardiaque" dizzy spell related to the heart, for which he was kept for 24 hours under observation. I was scared and worried. When I went to see him , he said it was nothing, due to stress for sure. He has always been under stress from his work. So I told him he had to let go of all those problems with clients. But that was not it anymore. All the stress now came from me only, so I was the cause of his malaise!!! That hurt making me feel guilty like that. And he won't back of it. It's my fault. What should I do????<p>Thank you for your answers.<br>Nadine
