my question is to find out about the principles for my marriage. they are filled with wrongs and rights on both sides of the table. we have been married a little over 4 years and im not sure if we ever got the start on OUR life together from the time the Vows were read.we have been in conflict from shortly after that time. not the abuse of harming,but of the comitment as one.which has resulted in the drifting and total lose of all respect for the other.as my wife will say we are just roommates under one roof.<br>there had been undue stress in the marriage from alcohol and depresion for 3 years of the time. it placed me in a condition of resentment to it and that is my biggest problem now.i feel im letting go of it ,but still the hard part is not being felt that i was the person that was there for her through it,i lived it everyday.but it was not me she looked to.these issues are now resolved and now she has the guiding of faith to see her future.i support her and have in everything she does.i have been wrong in the way of trying to get my position across to her.dening important things as intimency as if this was to make her see my way.this in turn has gotten deeper into a seperation.the things of my complaining are for use to be one to share "everything".this is the real problem EVERYTHING.we have seperate lives i dont know the person i married.before and after. there has always been something clouding the picture and me always looking for when we will start at the begining.this is why i withhold.i feel that im not total wrong in what is my true feelings that we need a true begining.but the start for it was never right.there is the feeling of there is to much to give up,being one would not work for the other.i dont have that feeling because thats what i thought marriage was from the start.i do resent her feeling from her that all care about is money,that she thinks all i wont is for her to be like me,all i ask is for her save some money and not spend it all.<br>and im seen as if i dont care.when we married it was a strugle to get her to move into our home.to this date she still doesnt have her vital personal info in our residency address its at her parents address.there are many things here but i take them to heart that we are be dependant upon each other.not the support of her parents to fix it if its broken that her parents do for her.it hurts me deeply that it is never me, the person that she comes to.im seen as the husband that is not caring,not there,and not emotional.<br>all i want is the marriage to have a sound chance for it to hav a future.what does it need from both of us to get that start.we have never given it that chance to start with such a rough past.its at the point where she wants a divorse,i said no she would have to fight me for it because we never gave it fair chance.we did some councling but to no true effort it ended (my deep feelings for a true starting was my down fall)she said i put no effort.i was holding out for the begining not the where in the middle so lets start.i had the feeling that we would never solve or problems the way things where going there.i have printed very much or the info at site and have told her that i would agree to any of her wishes if she could read through it and us discuse it.if she felt that after reading it that we did the best we could do with the past that i would give her what she was asking for now.im ordering several of the books that are avaible because i have much to learn and if willing they will be of great help in the future.thank you for this time.but i feel as if im alone now as she has said to me in the past. thank you <br> TODD <br>

Well, Let me say this about your situation. It seems to me that you have tried to work this marriage very hard and fact that she would never commit to you in the sence that you get all of her attention as a marriage should be. I would look closly at the situation and think is it worth saving first, and do both parties agree on that or not...Understanding each others feelings is a major part in a marriage and nothing can be one sided when it comes to feelings, they always need to be worked out.<br> You are a good man and I know you love her very much, But if the events you describe dont show you that the start you are looking for was never done 4 years ago, then maybe the start was not ment to be and you should move on. Loving someone can't be a oneway street, and you need to make her sit down and ask her the tough questions about your relationship. I mean the Tough ones and try to see what she is thinking and you try to tell her what you are thinking. Communication is the key to any marriage, once the link of that is broken, then everything is locked inside waiting to explode and only make the situation worse. I know I am not who you wanted to hear from on this but I have a say and I understand your feelings. You have always worked very hard to have what you wanted and you can do this also, you just have to thnk about what it is you really want and try to do it....Nothing is too hard, it is just easy to quit..thats all.<br> You have to look at the pain, she put you through her being a alcoholic and you were there , i know that was tough but you were there regardless of how she sees it, and now through the spending, i can only see this one way,,,If you spend $12,000 in credit cards and my husband pays them off and in 3 years it is back up to $12,000 again....there is a problem and it is worse than being a Alcoholic...it is a sickness that needs help, and again you have been there and helped her out...What is next...you have been more than a normal husband through this...You have been a Friend and for that you get beat up...Think very hard Todd.....Is she worth that..I dont think so but that is my opinion....it is up to you to look into yourself and find that...And we support you in what ever your choice is.<p>Helper