I've been married for almost 2 years and we have a beautiful 11 month old son. I don't "love" my husband like I used to and I'm getting tired of the person he is turning into. He bugs me about sex a lot and I just don't want to. He never helps me out around the house. I moved to his home state after we married and now I am so homesick for my family. I want my boy to grow up around my parents. I've heard that even if we did divorce, I would not be able to move out of state if I had custody of our boy. I'm confused and depressed and I need some advice. Thanks.

Jenn,<p>I suggest that you get into marriage counseling pretty quick. I bet that if you felt your husband "loved" you more (he was protecting you from his lovebusters and meeting your emotional needs), that you'd be happy to meet his need for sex.<p>Read this site and get a grasp of the principles involved. I'd suggest that you order Give and Take as a first book. Work through the concepts: first eliminate lovebusters in your marriage, and then start to work towards meeting each others emotional needs.<p>The "Policy of Joint Agreement" is a powerful tool in coming to decisions concerning major issues that you disagree about.<p>You want your son to grow up around your parents. That's commendable, but not if it's at the expense of a father. Divorce is very tough on kids, and I would really urge you to take the time to seriously work on your marriage: it's a committment that shouldn't be abandoned in two short years.

I can relate - I'm in a very similar situation. If I was to leave my H I'd want to move back to my home state, but I'm sure that wouldn't be possible due to potential custody arrangements for our 3 yr old. So, I feel I have no choices, which makes me depressed. Have you discussed marriage counseling with your H? Give it a try. I've found it's been very helpful to have a neutral "place" where things can be aired, and having someone else there in the room can in some ways make you feel more protected, acting as a referee if need be. Good luck.

Studies have shown that marital satisfaction goes down after the birth of children, and you guys weren't married all that long before children came along. It's hard to accept, because we love our children. My H and I are separated now, and one of the biggest problems was that I was so wrapped up in our daughter I neglected our marriage. In the long run, kids are so much happier in an intact, happy marriage that nothing else really matters. So make sure you and your H are taking time for dates, recreational companionship, and intimacy. <p>Also, are you breastfeeding? This can definitely put a damper on your sex drive. With your child at 11 months, think about weaning if you haven't -- believe me, your marriage is more important to your son than a few more months of breast milk!<p>This is a time of changing roles for you and your H, and figuring out how to meet each others needs is a challenge. But working on it now can help you build a much more satisfying marriage for the long haul. Good luck!

Animac - I don't want to flame you, but I have to disagree with you regarding weaning a child in order to save a marriage. Breastfeeding is hardly ever the only problem in a marriage. True, it tends to lower some of the hormones related to sex drive, and frequently inhibits adequate lubrication - but IMHO most of sex drive is in the mind anyway, and there are excellent products to deal with the 2nd issue.<p>Children do put a serious strain on a relationship, but it is usually due to feelings of being overwhelmed and not getting appropriate support from the other person. I would suspect that there is some resentment over the husband not doing any work around the house. This becomes a very deep, hurtful resentment, especially if Mom had to go back to work. Yes, spend more time working on your relationship, get counseling, but don't quit breastfeeding for this reason.<p>There are SO many reasons to continue breastfeeding, and the most recent medical recommendations and studies say to continue breastfeeding if at all possible, well into the 2nd year. There is simply no substitute for human breast milk, and especially if there is a history of allergies, immune problems, asthma, or ear infections in a baby's family, it becomes even more important. I was forced to give up breastfeeding due to a protracted bout with food poisoning, and my daughter immediately became ill, proceeded to have over a year of non-stop ear infections, and ended up with tubes in her ears. Now, nothing says she wouldn't have had the problems anyway, given my family history, but I consider it more than coincidence that the first ear infection occurred almost exactly 1 week after starting formula because I couldn't nurse anymore.<p>Jenn, you didn't say that you were breastfeeding, but if you are, PLEASE don't stop because of the lowered sex drive. Address the other problems in your marriage, and I really believe your sex drive will return - maybe not at its fullest until you wean, but you really shouldn't be feeling an aversion because of breastfeeding.