About a month ago, I told my husband that I wanted to separate, because I was not happy. We have never really had intimacy in our marriage, and I wanted my independence. He has never really met my emotional needs, however we are best friends, and we have been through so much, and made it through the worst of times. We are a team. He begged me for a second chance, but I pushed him away. He got his own apartment, and I drove myself crazy because I was so confused about whether or not I wanted him to stay. We had decided that he would move back in. Well one night we were honest with each other, and I told him that I had had feelings for another man. I have never, and will never cheat on my husband but it crushed him to hear that. His ex-wife had an affair, so he is afraid, and has put up a wall of defense. He is now living in his apartment, and I'm staying in the 3 bedroom house we once lived in together. He forgives me for the feelings I told him I had for another, however he wants me to understand that he needs this time to deal with things, and he hopes that one day we can live together again. We are not talking about divorce or anything of the sort. We still see each other and spend the weekends together.<p>I want more than anything to have my husband back home. I know I can make it on my own, however life without him is un-imaginable. He tells me that he knows that I am the only woman that he wants to be with, and the only woman that will ever love him for the person he is. I'm trying to be so strong, and respect his decision, and I hope that he will come home.<p>I cherrish every moment I'm with him, and I told him that I was so sorry for every thinking of a separation, and for putting him through so much pain. He and I both cry, and he asks me to please understand that he really needs this time.<p>I truly believe in my heart that things will work out, and one day we'll be under the same roof again. I love him with all my heart, it's just so hard. No one seems to understand what I'm going through so I don't get the advice, or support I could really use.<p>I pray everyday that he'll come home.<p>I'm not afraid of being alone, I just hope that I can give him the support, love, and understanding he needs, and it will one day bring him home.<p>Any suggestions or any of you who have been, or are going through something similar, your input will be greatly appreciated.<p>Thank you for letting me share my situation.<p>Sassy<br>sassy@katt.com<p>

I have no words of comfort for you, just some thoughts. <p>I don't understand the best friends part. If he is your friend he is meeting some of your needs.<p>I also have some problem with the concept of total honesty. I am beginning to think that some things have to happen in stages, over time. Your honesty has opened an old wound, that spans two relationships. He is probably making unconscious comparisons, and when you pushed him away, he crossed that "line". There is no going back. Only going forward.<p>Why suddenly did you realize that you needed him? If he was not meeting your needs then, what is he doing now that is different that is meeting your needs? There was another that must have been looking pretty good to you, good enough for you to think it was ok to dump your best friend. You thought about it. You had a pretty good idea of the consequences of your actions. As far as the "other man", I am beginning to think that the difference between "I'd never..." and "I made a mistake" is just a matter of opportunity.<p>Some times I think we do things in order to bring about a result that we want but are unwilling to take responsibility for. Decide what you want.<p>You need to let go of what no longer is, what was destroyed, and greive. Give him time and space. Become friends. Let go of the romance. Relax and enjoy his company, allow him to enjoy being with you, don't act out of desperation. Relationships take alot of work. And although I initially disagreed with Dr. H., I think that spending time together doing things is second only to daily communication. The cards, the flowers that you send him at work will also show some of your interest.<p>You are hurt and confused, and that is not a good state to make decisions in.<p>gotta go back to work now....

I am currently going through a tough marrige,although it is my husband wanting to leave. You have to as yourself, did I ever really give my marriage a shot. The things that you were lacking before, did you ever try to fix them. It sounds to me that you two were ment to be together, but conflict has overtaken feelings. I believe that most marriages can work that don't. We make excuses, and feel that everyone else is doing it, without knowing what it is we really wanted from the start. No matter what (under the circumstances) you will always have feelings for your husband, you have become one. You have not spiritually separated. Think about that, and if he's willing to do what it takes.

Dear Sassy:<p>I do understand your feelings and going through similar circumstances. My husband is out of the home and it's hard. But, if there is any way you could concentrate on making yourself a more self-happy person right now, it would be better for your children and husband if/when he comes home. I'm using Charles Stanley Tapes (christain In Touch ministries) and counseling. I was too dependend on my husband to make me happy. I can't begin to compare your feelings to mine from one letter, but it sounds like you are desparate to have him home (like me). Separation can be helpful if the time is used for self improvement. God wants our marriages to be permanent. But he wants us to love Him first, and our spouses are not replace our love for Him. I hope your situation will resolve quickly and I'll say a prayer for you and your family.