My husband has said that, after almost 14 years of marriage he no longer loves me "like he should". He says there is noone else. We have a 4 yr old and an 8 year old. Although he has said he wants to leave, he has not done so yet.<P>The only thing pulling me through this is my faith in God. I do not believe in divorce unless one spouse has been unfaithful. I have decided that I will not ask him to leave. To me, this is the "worse" in the "for better or worse" in our marriage vows. I want to work through this.<P>Even though I have not given up on our marriage, I feel that I must be prepared. I don't know what to tell my kids if he leaves. I don't think a divorce would be in the plans immediately, so I want to be very careful in what I tell them. Our 8 year old is very perceptive and KNOWS things aren't right.<P>My kind and loving husband has turned into a sullen, angry, unfeeling person. He says that if he leaves, nothing will change - he'll still help out- he'll stay at the house to help with bedtime (then leave) and be back in the mornings to help and then take the kids to school. He also says he'll be here to mow the yard (we have about 1 acre to mow), take care of the cars, etc.<P>Any advice?<P>

-<p>[This message has been edited by MaryBB (edited June 26, 2000).]

edited<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

Thanks to you both for responding. Sorry it's taken so long for me to get back. Not a lot has changed since I last posted. We are going to a new counselor. We've both been individually and our first visit together is this coming Saturday.<P>Thanks so much for your words of advice. I am reading Tough Love. There are some great things in that book and it has been a tremendous help to me. Still, the most helpful book has been Holding Onto Heaven While Your Husband Goes Through Hell by Connie Neal. <P>My husband is still home and every day is like a roller coaster ride. The counselor says the rebounding means neither of us is ready to call it quits, but we've got to learn to communicate in order to stop the roller coastering. <P>I feel like such a failure. I still haven't found any good resources on dealing with the kids, but I keep looking.<P>My husband did spend some time with a friend of ours who had an affair and then reconciled his marriage. I don't know exactly what they discussed, but it did seem to have some effect on him. At least he's not threatening to leave.<P>It is very hard not to plead and cry. This has been my greatest struggle. My self respect is zero right now and I feel like I've spent the last month groveling. I really do love him and he's a wonderful person. <P>As far as depression, the counselor did an evaluation (not in-depth) and determined that he has mild depression, but the counselor seems to think it is related to our relationship (doesn't that make me feel better).<P>Thanks again for your support. <P><BR>

edited<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

edited<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

-<p>[This message has been edited by MaryBB (edited June 26, 2000).]