It’s been four months now that my wife has left me and I have been seeing a counselor regularly. I never thought I would go to one and whether they help. But it’s good to talk to some one that has no direct relationship with my wife and I. I’m telling him things I never thought I would tell a stranger. I think it is helping me. The only thing is I still think about my wife and whom she is with and what she is doing. We went to court a couple of weeks ago to file for settlement on the property. We came to an agreement on what I need to pay her. She lives with her family but I still miss her every day. When we were at court she did say that she wanted to be friends but needed at least 6 months apart from me. She says she hasn’t got a life and that she can’t have one if I keep calling her. I sent her a letter in the mail that said basically that no matter what happens. I shall always be there for her as a friend. Yet when we met ion court she was angry with me with regards to the letter. I was not asking for her to come back but said I will be there for her if she needs a friend to talk to. We have not spoken now for 3 weeks and it does not seem to get easier for me. I did suggest some time ago that her and I should see a counselor and she said she would think about it. I am too afraid to ask her what she has thought with regards to this. We were only married for 12 months before she left. She says that there is no one in her life as a partner as she says she doesn’t know what she wants. I wonder if there is hope for her and I. I have been asked out on a number of dates in the last months but I do not feel ready to commit to any relationship. I have gone out to dinner with these girls but when it comes to the kiss, I can’t go through with it. I feel I am being unfaithful, yet my wife doesn’t want me anywhere near her. She said that she only married me because she wanted to walk down the isle and was caught up in the hype of being married, and that she left me because she is not in love with me. Do I give up or give her the time she so desperately wants, I'm afraid that the time she wants could be the time to start a new relationship.

There is a saying which you may have heard "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink". If she does not want to work on the marriage there is nothing else you can do. Move on and find someone who will love you and want to make you happy. Best wishes.

edited<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

Thanks for your response. Most of my friends and family are saying just give up and find a new relationship. I know you are right by leaving her alone. This is what she wants. It hard to just let go, I love her too much. I have had a bad week this week as I have been thinking of her and what she is doing. i have not seen her for about 3 weeks now and my hurt is growing. I have gone through the hate stage and now are in the confused stage. i have ordered the book and hopefully it will arrive soon. I have read virtually the entire web site and have found it very useful. I hope and pray every night that she will come back to me. I'm just confused whether if she does could I take her back. i don't want to lover her but I do. This was the year we were to start a family and I was looking forward to this. The family was not my idea but hers. She started buying books clothes etc and was so excited I started doing similar things too. Once again thank you for your support. As to the unmet emotional needs she has not expressed these to me she just said she wanted out. She is just keeping away from me in all aspects.<p>[This message has been edited by anthonyv (edited May 05, 1999).]