I have read the columns on Mother in laws, but I still don't know what to do about my situation. My Mother in law lives in CA. we are on the opposite coast. My husband and I lived together before we were married and had no problems with his mother, if they spoke once a month that would be about it. Then we got married. His mother came for the wedding and spent our wedding night with us. Not wanting to be the bad guy I bit my tongue. The day we brought our first child home from the hospital my mother in law arrived. I had to almost fight with her to care for my child, she wanted to do everything since she would be going home in 8 days. At this point she said she wanted to be his god mother I explained she couldnt be and thought it was over. My mother in law came back for the christening. Since the real god mother was out of state and couldnt make it my mother in law wanted to stand in I was nice but said no. Once we got to the church, it almost turned into a wrestling match to get her to sit down when it was our turn. My husband conviently sat on the very outside farthest away. In the middle of the purchase of our home my mother in law called to inform me she was coming to visit. I told her our house was full of boxes and we werent in a position to entertain. I was told that this was the time she had and this was when she was coming to visit. Flash forward to the house warming party. I made it clear before anyone arrived that we would not be having overnight guests. My mother in law planned to stay with her sister, but spent the entire party telling everyone how I had put her out. The final straw was the premature birth of our second child. We were supposed to go visit my mother in law, but I went into preterm labor, the day that I arrived home from the hospital my mother in law arrived. She wanted to go shopping and here and there. We had a child in the NICU and when I made it clear to her that this was my priority, the visit turned very cold. Unfortunatly our child died. Once my mother in law arrived home I told her that before she bought any plane tickets to come visit for Christmas, I wanted to make it clear that Christmas morning was for my husband and our child. She isn't coming to visit now and my husband says this is my fault. My mother in law and my husbands father went through a very messy divorce when my husband was in his early twenties. He was told that his father was cheating on his mother and asked to follow him. My husband now views his mother as the victim and any time I speak up he tells me that she has had a tough life and can have whatever she wants. This woman is now remarried to a man that she started dating while he was married. I have no sympathy for her. As for my husband and I we do discuss everything before we make decisions and life is great if we dont discuss his mother. I think we are happy and well adjusted, but this mother in law is killing me. I've told him that I feel like the three of us are married and I asked if we could have some of lifes "Kodak moments" to ourselves, he tells me that Im selfish. For our sons birthday I told all of the relatives that I was taking his birthday money and we now had enough to open his college fund. Just yesterday as I was discussing this with my husband he told me that last week his mother told him that she would take care of our sons college education. I feel like Ive had enough. Saving for college is a parents thing, I want to save and do the college thing for my son if he chooses. I know this is a generous gift, but once again I feel like my mother in law is acting more like my husbands wife. Am I being selfish? Any advice?
