I like the policy of joint agreement, but feel like there are some areas where we will never agree. When it is time to go to my inlaws cabin (we do this every summer) I just dont want to go. It doesn't seem to matter to anyone that I don't want to go, and if we were following the policy of joint agreement, then wouldn't I have to enthusiasticly agree. I don't like going. How could we resolve this? Whenever I have expressed this in the past, I have been told that we have to go, because mom wants us to come up. Does this mean that she is more important than me? If I say this, then my husband says that I am being selfish. Why should she always get her way? Anyway, if we started doing the policy of joint agreement then, we would never go, because I find it hard to believe that I would be enthusiastic about going. So does it break down then, or do we keep following it and make his parents mad? I feel like it is not our decision, and maybe that is part of why I don't want to go. Please help me understand how to work this kind of thing out. I know I have some problems with my mother-in-law, but it seems to be a problem with my husband, too, that her feelings are more important than mine, since she cries, and gets mad, etc. Thanks<BR>LN

\<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

I agreed with HollyAnn at some points. <P>HollyAnn, do you think is possible to discuss with your husband whether he could take turn with his brother to fetch their mother?<P>Another point that I would like to point out here is that we'll be old someday too. And I believe, somewhere inside a mother's heart, there's always a feeling that we had stolen their precious son.<P>I have to go now, good luck!!! <P>------------------<BR>Time heals all wounds.<P>

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

Thanks gals, you give me a lot to think about. I think that if our husbands would read the books or talk to Dr Harley, they might understand a little better. When I say things it does seem very selfish. I read some stuff to my husband the other day and he said,"Wow, this guy is right on," so I know he would learn a lot if he only had the time to read the stuff. As for my mother-in-law, she hasn't changed her expectations for her children that much now that they are married, and has freely admitted that she does not like sharing them with other people. So, I think that as my husband and I grow closer, we can talk more about this and we could negotiate better. I do tend to get very defensive, and that does not help things. Thanks again,<BR>LN