Well, to cut a long story short, my wife tells me she is no longer in love with me, and wants to bail on our marriage. I admit maybe i din't do all the things right for the past 5yrs but whatever i did i always felt in my heart it was in her best interest. I didn't do the little things that matter, but i did always tell her that i loved her. It took along time to get me to go see a marriage doc. I always (<deined> for the lack of a better word) to see there was a problem because i never knew how to fix it beacuse i see my self as a fixer, i had no solution.I now see the problem and feel i am working real hard to do something about it. But now i find the marriage doc we have been going to is no good she is not tring to bring us closer but has plently of idea's on how to split so i am going to dump this one and find a doc that wants to save marriages. My wife now has given up all hope of working things out, she refuses to read new materal (won't read anything for this site or listen to the radio bits.It's tough on both of us as we now have a 9 month old son. I still have faith and hope but the days are long and hard i wish i could get to her heart, I love my wife, my child, my family, i don't want to give up i know i can show her the love she needs that i need but i can't reach her.My vows ment the world to me. I wish i knew how to open the door for her to come inside and see that there is a better place for us, but how when she has much resentment for me. Some days i think that ther may be hope becuase of the way she might hold me or kiss me with passion, but then she says that it shouldn't have happened . It feels good when she is reaching out to touch me and i desire her so, but if i reach out to touch her she turns to stone and is so cold it huts me so but i still love her. She has also begun to pick on everthing i say or do , my spech and the way i describe things are not the best, but now it seems nothing i say is correct and by her correcting them makes me feel so small, i've become quite and now when i don't say a thing she's mad because i'm not responding to her i can't win . I've become afraid to speek. I love my wife and need help now but i can't find it, someone please must have the answers to save our marriage our family, I will do anything if it helps, there will be no winners if it ends, not my wife,not me and most of all our son will not be a winner we owe it to him,we made him now we must raise him, together all as one. <P><BR>

as i am in the same boat. my wife wants to leave me for a man that she has fun with.well we have always been an active couple. to do things with the kids. but not each other.take her away and treat her like a queen but not to much like it seems that you are over doing it. rember like it was in the past go there be there for her you must feel her mind with yours and react as soon as posssiable.i amgoing to do these things.hang in there and give her some space but be ther to catch her when she stumbles she will respect you for that.

Tuf,<BR>From a female point of view, its hard to trust a person if you think that its all as act.<BR>You can change completely, and that would be great. But how sincere are you, how long would it be before you go back to your old ways. For some reason I haven't quite understood us women like reassurance that our H loves us. We like to be romanced, and courted. We need the companionship, that makes us feel worthy. I know, I need it from my H , and when I didn't get it. I just closed the door to the bedroom. Now, tho we are working on fixing our marriage, I don't know how sincere he is in his actions, and already I see the same old pattern appearing. <BR>For a few weeks I actually felt like it was all my fault. I made him feel lonely so he left for the night. I talked him into coming back, working things out. Now I see that most of the time, I was considerate of his long working hours, letting him sleep instead of making love to all hours. Not pushing him to take me out any or send me flowers or all the other things ppl. do to keep a marriage going strong. I could and did tell him daily of my love, but that didn't make him tell me. I was suppose to be the responsible person to always initiate sex always. Why not him? Maybe I wanted him to start things. A simple kiss, a touch, a gentle look in his eye would have had me jump his body everytime. But I didn't get that. Words aren't the only thing a women needs, we need the everyday reassurance that we are still attractive to our spouse. <BR>So please romance your W , but please mean it and let her feel you mean it. Don't just put on a 10 minute show. Then close the Act.<P>Love her with all your heart, Thats what I need, it may be what she needs. For it to feel sincere from you.<P>God's blessings upon you, You are in my prayers.

I'm in the same boat with my marriage and what unsure says rings true with my W. I have tried to change but it is hard to keep up with the changes when she just thinks it's an act and shows nothing for the changes I have made. As for unsures comments about showing your W instead of just telling, it's the exact opposite here. Instead of her wanting to go out with me, I always want to go out with her, yet she would rather go with her friends. Even when we had opportunities this summer while the kids were visiting grandma, she left me at home and went out. I was always the affectionate one, kisses goodbye, holding hands, snuggling on the couch etc. For the last 6-8 weeks she has totally shut me out and since I found out she had problems with me I have tried to change and she just doesn't acknowledge it. She thinks it's an act and when I do something extra special for her I think it makes her get further away. Telling her doesn't work, showing her doesn't work, what do women want?

My H was good at NOT acknowledging my changes in behavior too. He held onto many resentments and blames me for his unhapppiness. So, he cheated twice. He knows how MADLY I was in love with him. And he did it to HURT me. Now we are reconcilling but I do not trust his emotions/ He has been Dr Jekyl and Mr Hide . I will never trust his mind. I hope your wife is not having problems with resentment. It destroys everyone. Find out what her Love Language is. Book by Chapman at Christian bookstore.

Thanks for the advise, well the paper came today for a temp seperation for six months o boy i'm i happy not.