I am wondering how I can get my husband to trust me again. I have a history of lying about our bills and financial situation. I did it 2 years ago and I am doing it again. I have been caught and I am terribly ashamed. <P>I have apologized and apologized and he has asked me if I will do it again. Of course I say No...but I am afraid that I might. <P>He has taken away all my contact with our bills, checkbook, everything. I think that is reasonable and I don't dispute that action. <P>My husband thinks that because I lied to him about the bills, I could be having an affair as well. I am absolutely NOT having an affair. While one part of me understands his concern, another part of me is hurt and offended by his belief. Just because I lied about bills doesn't mean I am committing adultery. But that's what he thinks. <P>It feels like any attempts of mine to right this situation are being rebuffed. We have an appointment with a marriage counselor next week. I never know how to read my husband. One minute he is screaming at me--begging me to tell him every lie I have told. It's sad, but I can't remember them all and why would I want to tell a screaming man that I lied again? I told him as much as I can recall right now, but I can't say that I won't remember some other coverup later on. <P>i am terrified. One minute he is talking about separation and the next he is holding me saying he will never leave. I don't know what to do, what to say or how to react. <P>How can I rebuild trust in my husband? Is it just going to be a matter of time and an honest track record? How can I convince him that yelling and screaming at me doesn't make me want to tell him the truth about my financial lies. It makes me want to hide them. I hid one last one from him and finally confessed. He then threatened to move out. <P>Is there any hope here? I feel so ashamed and scared. I can't express my feelings right now to him because it doesn't matter to him. I am the bad guy. Period. That's what happens when you lie. <P>Any advice would be appreciated. I am hoping that when we get to counseling we will at least get some direction for both of us. But as for the upcoming week...I don't know what to do.

Well, I'm no expert on marriage but I do feel you both are taking the right direction with a marriage counsler. Bravo. To lie to your loved one is not a good thing to do-of course. My husband has lied to me on several occasions and I'm still having trouble trusting his words. I love him very much and I always tell him to treat me the way he wants to be treated. In other words--would he want me to lie to him??? No he wouldn't. So think of it that way. Would you want your husband to lie to you? If not then don't lie to him. I'm proud to say I never lied to my hubby but I will admit I have felt like it when he has to me. But I keep from doing it. Trust is hard to get back once you lose it. Like I said I still don't trust my husband and it's more than just his lieing. There are other issues. But I can say that I will know when the day comes that I can have my trust back and will not have a little voice in my head wondering what he's doing or saying that is wrong. My advice would be to strive very hard to restrain from lieing to him. Prove with all your strength that you CAN be trusted. Tell him the truth. Always. I always want my hubby to be honest. It hurts me more-so when I find out days later or months later. When he fesses up immediately I can deal with it better. Though I don't want him to lie and or do me wrong and expect to have me accept his apology and still keep on doing it. That's unfair.I feel if you love your hubby enough you will be able to be honest with him and in time his trust in you will return. Good luck and always remember the saying: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.<BR>Ree