We've been married for less than 6 months. We certainly have more than our share of fights. We work different schedules and dont see each other as often as we'd both like. Somehow, because she works days and I work nights, Im made to "pay" for the time we dont spend together. Tensions will build and fights will start. Once that happens, all hell breaks loose. To her, she can say anything to me and Im supposed to be understanding and supportive. She'll then ask me my feelings on whatever it is that we are fighting about, but if I answer, she goes off. It seems to me that no matter how I phrase my answer, or any tone that I have while answering is completely unacceptable to her. Every conversation (argument) that we have always ends with her telling me that she doesnt want to hear all the things that she's done wrong because she already knows how wrong she is. It so very frustrating. I mean really, why ask a question if you know you cant handle the answer. Today, after talking about problems we had over the weekend so far,her response was "get out or I'll have the cops escort you out". Keep in mind, there was no physical violence..she just wanted me out and when I wouldnt leave, I was threatend by her with police involvment. <BR> Anyone have any suggestions on how I can get her to talk without freaking out? (Ive already learned that flowers, new dresses, dinner, etc. do not work in this case)<P>------------------<BR>with hope for tranquility

Well I know what you are going through. What you need to do is give your wife the space but not too much. Don't give in to the "SPACE" needs. That means don't leave the house and have a temporary separation. This does nothing for the relationship. I don't know how long you 2 have been together but I can tell you that there is nothing worse than getting a divorce. Relationships take two to work and some-times the best gift you can give some-one is time. Buying gifts only buys a little time and in my case it has back fired everytime and it looks like it has for you too. You have probably heard the saying "Quality not Quantity" Spending a lot of time fighting is wasting the time you have together. What you need to say to your wife is "I can understand you are angry toward me and I am willing to fight for another 10 minutes, and after that I want us to get back to love how about you." Well I used this line on my W and it blew her away. She calmed down straight away. It takes the wind out of their sales and shows them that you are willing to listen but also work out the problems, and get back to love. From what you have written and from what I have learnt she is fighting for your time (quality). Give this to her but don't forget you need it back too. You need to give her token to put into her love bucket but you need someback for your too. More is learnt through pain than from pleasure. Don't blame her for things she says or does. When some-one is in rage you must forgive them for they know not what they do. Things are said in anger and later regretted, but regret is hard to take back. Before you say some-thing to your wife stop and think, what are the repercusions. This is not being a "woos" but being a man. Remember you are responsible for your feelings not her and you need to realise that you both have made a comittment to each other when you walked down the isle. "For better, for worse....". Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Dear Totally confused:<BR>I am in the same boat for the fact that I work an overnight shift and when I get home, my husband leaves for work. I am with the kids all day until he gets home, then, I go to bed for a couple fo hours to get some sleep and off to work I go (hi ho,hi ho...). Anyway, time is very important part of a marriage. It seems to me that the both of you deseparately need to spend time together. But, not just time but qualitity time. Get to know each other again, laugh, relax and just really be together. I know it is very difficult when working different shifts. But, on your days off, that is when you and your w can really spend qualitity time together.

I am a grumpy wife and when this happens to me its because I have nothing left for me - I am always good at putting my eggs in everyone else's basket until mine is empty - i.e. no energy to look after my own emotional needs. Perhaps you are both putting too much commitment into setting yourselves up and not thinking about your emotional needs at the moment. I mean your honeymoon would barely be over and your already slogging with your work commitments. I understand that you need a home and security etc but your also newly married and this relationship needs nourishment and establishment from both you too. Good luck to you both Shaz<P><P>------------------<BR>