Hi Elaina,<P>I may take some heat for this, I know the Harley Philosophy is never end a marriage unless physical abuse is occurring. I agree in principle, and as a Christian believe in the sanctity and permanency of marriage.<P>BUT. Others on this website are more qualified than I to discuss the possibilities of saving the marriage, what I am qualified to do is give you the child's point of view. Right now, all your H cares about - all he can care about as an addict - is where his next hit is going to come from. "Staying together so the children can have a father" is something adults say to ease their guilt, your children don't have a father right now anyway. They are looking to the marriage of their mother and father to learn about relationships and parenting, and the example they are seeing IS damaging to them. I apologize if I sound harsh, I know your husband's addiction is no fault of your own and it is already a difficult situation for you, but you want the truth, right? My father too was a drug abuser and our home was much more broken with him in it than it was after he left. I was 12 when my mother finally filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of me, my brother and my sister. Our home wasn't perfect after that, and it was very hard for my mom to raise three kids alone. But we were so much happier with him gone. I don't know the specifics of your situation, so I'm not entirely sure that may be the only good solution for your kids, but I suspect it might be. Please don't underestimate the amount of damage your H can do, emotionally, to your children. Your marriage is important and should be saved if possible. But someone needs to look out for your children, and since your H won't do it, it's up to you. <P>Please meet with a counselor or attend an Alanon meeting. They're free. Good luck.
