I have a big problem and I hope you can give me some advice. I was married in Aug. of 1998 when I was just 18 years old. My parents had a big problem with my husband (boyfriend at the time) and didn't even know we were married until the first time we seperated in Nov. of 1998. The reason we got married so young is because we wanted to move in together and his parents wouldn't support us unless we were married.<BR> I was not ready for any of this. I made a choice with not enough thought and we didn't plan things out right. All of this stress was making me sick. I got IBS and I was so tired all the time because of this big secret I was hiding from my family. Finally in Nov. I left and this would not be the first time. We were on and off for about 9 or 10 months. By this time my parents already knew everything that was going on but it was still very hard for me. <BR> For about 5 months things were going pretty good for us. We were getting along good and I felt much better about things. My Grandfather passed on in Nov. of 1999. I was very upset and flew right out to be with my family(which is where i would always go when my husband and I would seperate). A few days after I got home I was thinking about my husband and I moving closer to my parents.When I brought it up to him he was very much against it and got mad when I asked him about it. We got into a huge fight and I ended up going to be with my parents.<BR> I love my husband more than anything in this world and want to make it work no matter what I have to do but i lost his trust when I decided I needed to be with my family for awhile after my Grandfathers death. I know he has a right to be mad and I have made some very immature decisions regarding our marriage but I am ready to make it work and make a change. I just don't know how to prove it when in the past all I would ever do was run away from it all. <BR> I thank you very much for reading my message. I appreciate any advice given. Thank you very much.<P>Adrienne<BR>

Well firstly can I say that you have made the first move, coming to this site might help you. Read the posts by other people and especially the area in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html</A> <P>Getting married just to move in with some-one and to satify their needs is not a reason to go ahead. You should marry because you want to spend the rest of life with that person. Now we all know that some-times this does not happen and we deal with it when it arises.<P>Seeing as you are married now, you must work on it. Stop running away when things get a little difficult. Get your H to meet and be a part of your family. Marriage is a shared thing amougst couples. <P>You realise that you run when things get a little warm or even hot. When you make a decision remember to count everyone into it. You say you love your H. Running away from problems does not solve them it only pushes them aside for a short time. One big thing in relationships which pulls them togther as well as apart is communication, talk to your H and work it out with him. <P>This is a hard time for you both. Have arguement and start them off as "Look I have a problem and I would like to dicuss it with you, are you ready to talk with me, and after we solve my problem I would like to get back to love, are you OK with this, or should I pick a better time". Or something along those lines. Give your partner the chance to respond. We don't always feel like talking so give your spouse room to make the time and you will find he will be more receptive.<P>Talk to him and make it work. All the best and God bless.