I need some real help here. I have been married seven years. We've both had abuse issues in our past, and we brought them into our marriage. I've survived my wife leaving me because of lack of communication and fear issues. We resolved them, tried to reunite only to have things fall apart again. We never had God as the central focus of our marriage, and it showed. In december of 1999, my wife and I celebrated the birth of a beutiful baby boy. I love him and miss him. I got to be a father for a month and a half!!! I had some depression problems and she couldn't take it. She feared for the baby's safety and her own as well. She moved out and left me to fend for myself. Now she has gotten a restraining order against me so I may never get to see my boy again. I want so bad to have a family life, but if families are like this, then forget it!

Chiliboy-<P>I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Rest assured, not all families are like what you've experienced, so don't give up hope!<P>It's not exactly easy to convince a judge to issue a restraining order, so I have to ask - were you abusive to your wife? Does she have reason to fear for her safety, and that of your son?<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by younglove:<BR><B>Chiliboy-<P>I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Rest assured, not all families are like what you've experienced, so don't give up hope!<P>It's not exactly easy to convince a judge to issue a restraining order, so I have to ask - were you abusive to your wife? Does she have reason to fear for her safety, and that of your son?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

To Younglove,<BR> Yes, I must admit that we got physical two times in our relationship. But, it was both of us. I am ashamed of it, and the last time was in 1995. I've learned since then not to engage your spouse in that fashion. I've had some depression problems in the past which are now being treated. I love my family and don't want to scare anyone. But a wife has a duty to stick by her man, EVEN in the tough times and not run away every time we have aproblem. If every mariage was that way there wouldn't be marriages. I pray for healing for myself and my wife through all of this. <BR>

If your marriage has not contained an element of physical abuse since 1995, on what grounds has your W obtained a restraining order? What are its limits? For how long is it in effect? I want to try to help you - as I'm sure others do - but you really haven't posted very much information and it's hard to tell what's going on.<P>Is your depression being treated? With therapy, medication, or both? My understanding of restraining orders is - one cannot be issued until physical harm has actually been done, the threat of future harm is not enough, and I'm not sure a mutual physical fight five years ago would be enough, so I suspect there's more to this situation than you're letting on. <P>If you're willing to share a little more about what's happened, there are many people here who'll offer advice and support. Do you currently have any contact with your W at all? Is she filing for divorce or legal separation? What are the current custody/visitation arrangements?

If your marriage has not contained an element of physical abuse since 1995, on what grounds has your W obtained a restraining order? What are its limits? For how long is it in effect? I want to try to help you - as I'm sure others do - but you really haven't posted very much information and it's hard to tell what's going on.<P>Is your depression being treated? With therapy, medication, or both? My understanding of restraining orders is - one cannot be issued until physical harm has actually been done, the threat of future harm is not enough, and I'm not sure a mutual physical fight five years ago would be enough, so I suspect there's more to this situation than you're letting on. <P>If you're willing to share a little more about what's happened, there are many people here who'll offer advice and support. Do you currently have any contact with your W at all? Is she filing for divorce or legal separation? What are the current custody/visitation arrangements? Don't give up hope!

sorry for the duplicate - I got an error message about "flood control"? So I sent it again but it turns out that wasn't necessary. oops!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by younglove:<BR><B>If your marriage has not contained an element of physical abuse since 1995, on what grounds has your W obtained a restraining order? What are its limits? For how long is it in effect? I want to try to help you - as I'm sure others do - but you really haven't posted very much information and it's hard to tell what's going on.<P>Is your depression being treated? With therapy, medication, or both? My understanding of restraining orders is - one cannot be issued until physical harm has actually been done, the threat of future harm is not enough, and I'm not sure a mutual physical fight five years ago would be enough, so I suspect there's more to this situation than you're letting on. <P>If you're willing to share a little more about what's happened, there are many people here who'll offer advice and support. Do you currently have any contact with your W at all? Is she filing for divorce or legal separation? What are the current custody/visitation arrangements? Don't give up hope!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

To Younglove,<BR> In response to your response, I don't know anything more than a restraining order has been issued. I haven't recieved a thing yet. I guess that when I am in Idaho the police will issue it to me. I don't know if it was a bluff or real or what.<BR> The only thing my wife has to go on is possibly emotional "abuse". Head games, lying, not knowing all the time how to treat her with dignity and respect. <BR> My depression is being treated with medication and counseling. It's a slow process, but I pray the Lord will help me out of my pit someday.<BR> My wife is seeing a pastor's wife for guidance. I pray she can get help for her pain, too. She was sexually abused when she was five. She has never been able to deal with it fully. I hope God can heal this gaping wound. <BR> I've been told that I'm seeking the wrong thing. I pray every day that God would restore my marriage. I've been told that I should be getting my life right with God, to deal with the people and situations that have caused my anger and depression. Only with Jesus as my guide will I be able to clean out the dark rooms of my heart and feel fully alive again. I want to find this path. <BR> I am going to try to seek legal advise for my wife and myself to work out some visitation rights. If anyone can give me some pointers as to an Oregon attorney that does Idaho law, just respond and I'll see it. Thanks to anyone who prays for this situation.--Chiliboy!<BR>

I assume from your post that the person who's informed you that a restraining order has been issued is your W - perhaps Wisconsin (my state) has tougher laws, but here you can't get a restraining order without evidence of past physical harm - if that's not true in your situation, perhaps your W is bluffing after all.<P>I certainly will pray for you, chiliboy, that you will seek a closer walk with Jesus. "Seek and you shall find..." Don't give up hope!<P>Is there any chance for reconciliation with your W? Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts - which lead to the refilling of the "Love Bank" by fulfilling Emotional Needs and the plugging of holes which drain the Love Bank by ending LoveBusters - had a very high success rate when he was in private practice. It may be possible to restore the love to your marriage...