About a month ago, my husband of 4 yrs. informed me he no longer loves me and has felt this way since Christmas. Around that time his mother was diagnosed with cancer, not expected to live long. The past 4 months he has spent every non working and waking hour by her bedside, but that's not the problem. We've always been a loving, affectionate couple and considered each other our best friend. Since the diagnoses, he has shut me completely out. Now she's on her death bed and I have moved into the spare bedroom. We always said we were soul mates and would be together forever-we've always been very close. I know this illness is hurting him deeply, but to claim he no longer loves me? I no longer know what to do. I've given him space, I've smothered him with kindness and compassion and he shows no response to anything. This is both of our second marriage and you would think that we would work harder on keeping it together. I love him so very much and can't imagine being without him. Should we seek marriage counseling? Do I give up? Should I fight for someone who says they don't want me? Please give suggestions before I completely lose it!

yes you definately fight!<P>I would suggest you see a counsellor to help you make it through this really difficult time. Maybe he will then start to go with you, after you go initially by yourself.<BR> <BR>How did his first marriage break up?<BR>this might give you and us some clues.

Today, at about noon, his mother died peacefully in her own bed surrounded by her family. My husband has talked to me more today than he has in weeks. He has allowed me to comfort him. Could this whole thing been because of his mothers illness? Or his he just being considerate because I drove an hour and a half each way to pick his kids up? I am a little ashamed to tell you of his first marriage. I was seeing him while he was still married to her. Believe me, I fought against my feelings for him in the beginning. But, 6 mths after we met, all I felt was a deep love that I never felt before. (I knew he felt the same for me). I could really drag that story out, if you have the time. There was a lot of problems in that relationship-he questioned the patetnity of his last child-he found out she was having a long term affair of her own. So, you see, I don't believe I was the cause of the failure of that marriage.

tustangs1 --<P>Oh, your original message and my story sound so much alike. I feel I have to butt in <P>Yes, do *fight* for your marriage. I am although my H isn't and says he never will be able to again. He doesn't love me and only sees me as friend.<P>I have so many people telling me that he's made up his mind and I'm only setting myself up for a fall, but I can't sit back and let him tear us apart. He always said we were soul mates, destined to be together, etc, etc, etc.<P>This place has brought me such peace of mind that if a difference can be made, I can start it forming. <P>Do what you can, pray for what you can't handle and come here to vent . . . it's the best advice I can give.<P>Blessed be.<P>------------------<BR>Listen to your heart and your head . . . between the two you can find happiness.

These situations sound so familiar. My wife of 10 yrs has said she no longer loves me. She is getting ready to move out in a few weeks. She says she needs space and time to think. We've gone to counseling once, she won't go back. <P>It's our second marriage also. When we were first married, my teen age daughters moved in with us. We had some terrible fights over them. Those fights are now coming into play as a reason for her feelings.<P>I love her dearly and am fighting to keep us together. I've tried with letters, phone calls, cards. She says I'm smothering her. This weekend her two boys were staying with her ex and she stayed with a friend. My efforts to go on a "date" have been ignored.<P>Her weekends have turned into night clubbing with some divorced friends. This makes me wonder if she wants to be married any longer. A married life with responsibilities vs party time. I feel I've lost her, but I haven't given up.<P>