My husband told me a week ago that he would probably be moving out. He doesn't have any desire to try to put more effort into makeing things work. We just bought a house two weeks ago. He had mentioned it to my parents, his friends and several other family members before he even told me (in the heat of an argument). Now that I look at things, I know I've been a big part of the problem and have pushed him away. I love him more than anything and will not give up. What can I do?<P>------------------<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Cali:<BR><B>My husband told me a week ago that he would probably be moving out. He doesn't have any desire to try to put more effort into makeing things work. We just bought a house two weeks ago. He had mentioned it to my parents, his friends and several other family members before he even told me (in the heat of an argument). Now that I look at things, I know I've been a big part of the problem and have pushed him away. I love him more than anything and will not give up. What can I do?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I wonder if husbands really do leave for good after saying things like that, or if they just say them to hurt? I wonder if this is just some way men have of getting attention or gaining control? Emotional control? Psychological Control? Kind of like, "If I keep her guessing and off guard about whether I'm leaving or when I'm leaving, she'll do anything I want her to," type of control.<P>Does that sound familiar to anyone?<P>

What can I say, I have read your post. You seem to be more interested in what you have in the way of posessions rather than what you have in the way of feeling. You said you pushed him away. WHY???. You want him back now because YOUR needs are not fulfilled. Wake up to yourself. A relationship takes two. When you push some-one away and it a hard push don't expect them to hang around for too long. <P>Some people say they are leaving cause they need some space. It sounds that H has been trying to get closer to you. He just snapped. For you to get him back you will have to WANT him and everything he has to offer.<P>Good luck and work on yourself before you start working on him.<P>Cheers

Anthony -<P>Thanks for the honesty. It is actually the truth that has been long in coming to me. <P>Read my whole saga in my two HUGE posts over at Emotional Needs. You'll get the picture. Lots of great advice over there. <P>Thanks again,<P>Cali

Hi Cali,<P>I just wanted to remind you that not everything is your fault you know. I think somes our spouses find it easier to place blame on our shoulders because they cannot face their part of it. It is ok to accept your part of the blame but not the whole thing.<BR>Don't give up, just let him go and have some space to clear his mind and your own mind. Sometimes things become much clearer when you are not on top of one another. Take care of you and your son and put your trust in a higher power. Remember He doesn't give us anything that He feels we cannot handle.<BR>It will be a growing period for two of you. I believe no matter what, divorce, seperation or whatever can keep two people apart that are meant to be together. <BR>Hang on to some happy thoughts!<BR>LH

Thanks LH, you don't know how much I needed that. If you've been following my events in Emotional Needs and today in Just Found Out, you'll understand how timely your message really is.<P>Thank you so much,<P>Cali

Hi Cali,<P>I have been following your posts and I just want to tell you to hang in there.<BR>I too was accused of being too "controling". I know how much that hurts. But I then reminded him he put me in that position and at any time that he wanted to take charge of the things he put on my shoulders I was willing to give up the burden!<BR>I realize that I do have faults but so does he. And by accepting our own faults and doing the best to change them into something that we can live with is one great step! <BR>I just don't want to see you placing all the blame on you. I did it for too long and I spiraled deep into depression. It took me a long time to finally realize that everything does not revolve around me and what I have done....<BR>I'm thinking of you!<BR>LH

first you need to find out why hes leaving. then try to sit down and find a anwser. it takes two to make it work If he loves you he'll try

Yea to Anthony V!!!