My husband (who cheated on me 8 months ago on a business trip) has just told me he has to go on a training trip from Sunday to Tuesday. The problem I have is that he will be traveling with 2 women. This is his first trip away from home since the affair. I am having a hard time with this. I don't think he should go. Am I being to controlling?

Hi karlea..<BR> Let me briefly introduce myself...My H travels a lot. Last fall, was gone at a 10 day convention and finally declared himself "in-love" with a co-worker who had long been a friend. Did not become physical, but the emotional attachement was HUGE, and we are still rebuilding (tho he has gotten thru most of withdrawal...not sure I've yet gotten over supprting him while he missed er so much)...<P>Lcukily, we had a couple of months where his travel was minimal, but I was definitely nervous about him traveling again. However, the fact that we had (and still are) strengthening our marriage makes me feel good about him. I do not know about your H, but mine is a good, honest guy, who was feeling lonely and out-of-touch emotionally with me. Now, we are a lot closer, and make a big effort to stay close even when he is traveling, and I don't worry about these trips.<P>My advice. Your H should understand that this is hard for you. He should be willing to do what he can to help you trust him again. If the trip is optional, discuss him not going (in a POJA way, of course). If it is not (mine H's are not), think of ways to stay in touch while he's gone...phone, email, notes, etc. Ask HIM to help you feel reassured while he is gone.<P>BTW, have you read Surviving an Affair (from this site)...it suggests that the wayward spouse go so far as to give the other very detailed accounting of their time...I've never felt the need to ask for that, but you might think about it, if it would help.<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi

Kathi's reply is soooo good. <P>I, too, am having to build trust again and it's difficult. My husband travels, too, even internationally and for 2 to 3 weeks at the time. If detailed "time" logs of when, what, where, and who seems a little "much," just remember...... if you have nothing to hide, then hide nothing~!<P>The Bible says "Love is patient and kind....Love endureth all things," but good sense will protect our hearts from being broken over and over again.<P>This isn't as easy as it sounds, as the section in Dr. Harley's text says about "honesty." But when couples are needing to rebuild trust, that means from the foundation, up.... detailed logs are not unreasonable during this time; they can be absolutely necessary when laying footings for a good solid structure!<P>What I have to work on when my husband is on the road is that I don't turn healthy concern into paranoia and unreasonable fear. When we wives are alone and our husbands are gone on business, our imaginations can work overtime with all the shadows that can be displayed in the darkness. But it sounds like you have a good handle on the flashlight!!<P>I do admire you and you are both in my prayers.<P>Katherine

Unfortunately, I have not been thru this, but I have read the replies and I can say that I think having his schedule and staying in contact with him while he is gone is a great idea.<BR>Explain to him that this is important to you. Trust is so important. If you are both working to rebuild and strenghten your bond, it will be good for both of you.<BR>Keep it is prayer also.<BR>

Several years ago my H travelled a lot, overseas. He would pay for a female to stay with him (In some countries the hotels supply this service).<P><BR>He transferred to another office, and his travels are in the States. He invites me to join him when ever possible. Inviting me to all the conventions did help not only to ease my mind that no rendevous were being planned, but also the alone man and woman time we had. There are still problems that need delt with but this does help.<P>

I am assuming your husbands company will pay for him to either fly home on the weekends or fly you up on the weekends. With the combination of phoning, writing, and flying that should pacify your insecurities a bit, until you two can get past this obstacle in your relationship.