My husband and I moved out to the country from the city. Shortly after moving here, I realized that I did not want to be here. But I stayed, knowing that I could handle it for a couple of years. Six years later, we're still here. I have often expressed to him that I'm isolated and lonely here. And he knows that I want to move. My husband drives 40 minutes to work, and I drive an hour to work everyday. When I get home, I stay here because to do anything would entail more driving. My favorite things to do: the beach with the dog, people, friends are all a good drive away. For the past few years I've listened to "we'll buy a house" and move back to the city. This gave me something to hold on to. Last year, hubby bought a boat--not a small boat, mind you. He paid cash (down payment for house cash) for it. Well, we're still living here in the country. I find on my days off, I become crippled with depression. I look around at where I am, and feel so imprisoned that I just cry. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow to ask him for anti-depressants. I know I can't stay here. Do I just up and leave my husband? What do I do? We don't have children so that is not an issue.

SSSA31:<P>I'd suggest that you read everything on this site first, and order a couple books from the bookstore here---"Give and Take", and "Lovebusters". And I'd go further and suggest that you try the MB phone counseling (888-639-1639)---Dr. Harley's "kids", Steve and Jennifer, do the counseling. I've counseled with Steve and he's a terrific coach and a very effective counselor.<P>It sounds like you and your husband don't make decisions together using <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>"The Policy of Joint Agreement".</A> You've probably been the "silent" partner in the marriage---happy to be the Giver. But you've sacrificed, and too much sacrifice in a relationship makes the Giver pretty bitter and resentful. Eventually, your Taker gets pretty pissed.<P>My guess is that your husband doesn't have a clue as to how deeply you're down. Why should he??? You're giving him everything he wants, so the marriage is going great, as far as he's concerned. <P>You can change this, but it's going to take some time, and some effort to learn the appropriate marriage skills to redefine the balance in the marriage. It's very much worth the effort to do this NOW!!! If you leave and divorce your husband, you'll probably end up in exactly the same situation somewhere down the line. You need to learn how to get your Taker satisfied in the context of a healthy marriage---by following the "Four Rules" of Protection, Care, Time, and Honesty. It's hard to say how difficult this will be for you, because it's unclear how difficult your husband will be to get him on board. You CAN do this even if he's unwilling (and you can be successful as well), but I'm getting the feeling that most of your husband's behaviors fall into the "thoughtless" category, and if he's given behavioral tools to practice "thinking" before making decisions that affect the marriage, he'll be able to correct a lot of his mistakes.<P>Try the counseling---it should help.

Dear K,<BR>Thank you so much for your response. I cried when reading it (my usual state these days). I agree with you that counseling would be very beneficial and I will get it. However, I'm emotionally drained and not sure I have the energy to work on negotiating skills in this marriage. Anyway, that's how I feel today. Tomorrow is another day. I saw my doctor today and he put me on an antidepressant. Again, thanks so much.