My marriage became troubled in Jan. of 2000 when my H took a new position w/his police dept. He now works many more hours and can't leave his work at work like he could before. We have had big changes over the last year--a new baby (who was a surprise), a new house, and my H's new job. In Feb. I told him I wasn't happy and I wanted him home more, and he ignored me. I took him the same thing in March, April, and May, and got the same non-response. During those months I questioned myself if I still love him and I decided that I do and for our marriage and our three children I would do anything to make it happy. During the past several months our marriage has deteriorated; We don't say or do nice things for each other, we argue all the time, and sex is infrequent and passionless. I told him three weeks ago that I was not happy and I said he would see the kids more if we were divorced--he asked if I wanted a divorce and I said if things did not change that I didn't know. He started being home more and appeared as though he were trying to make me happy--for about a week, then things went back to the same. Last week we talked again and he said he loves me but doesn't know if he is still "in love" with me. I told him I had felt the same way months ago but decided that I do and I want to save our marriage. He does not know if he wants to try and is unsure of everything, including when he may have an answer for me. We talk and talk and life has gone on as normal as can be for the past week (except for not eating or sleeping for me.) I am confident that we could repair our marriage if only he would try, but for now, I am LIVING IN LIMBO and can't function! Does anyone have any suggestions, or stories of hope??

YES !!!! BOTH of you run screaming to a therapist and get help NOW !!!!! It sounds as if both of you are overwhelmed with all that has happened, and do not feel appreciated by the other right at this moment. If either of you did not care, we would not be having this e mail conversation --- call his HR dept at work, and find out if there is an employee assistance program --- then one night --- arrange to have a sitter take the children out for a while, and you and he have a romantic quiet dinner in your new home --- make small talk, and then express your love and need to help with his issues, and that you also need his help, and request him to please consider joint counselling ---- do not answer you right away --- think about it, and let you know --- but know that you love him -- because you really do ! Then have exoctic sex, and take each day as a gift- because that is exactly what God has awarded you ! <P>God Bless and good luck, keep in touch

I am not sure how much advice I can give but let me just say that after two years of doing the same thing you have been doing, I had an A. My husband was totally devestated and wanted to know why I had not told him I was unhappy. I went over all the times I could think of to show him that I had and he told me I should have beat him over the head with it any way I could have! Funny, that's exactly what I thought I was doing. If your marriage means anything to you, and I think it does, you owe it to both of you to figure out what it is you are lacking and write to him, scream at him, pin it on his forehead until he understands what it is that is missing. If you don't you will regret it for all time. Hope this helps.