I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. MY HUSBAND AND I AHVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 4 YEARS. HE WAS RAISED IN A HOME WITH AN ABUSIVE FATHER AND AN ENABLING MOTHER. HE IS CARRYING ON THE CYCLE. HE DOES NOT EVER HIT ME, BUT HE DOES GET VIOLENT (THROWING THINGS ACROSS THE ROOM, ETC...). HE GETS ANGRY OVER EVERYTHING I DO. I NEVER KNOW WHEN HE'S GOING TO EXPLODE AT ME. I HAVE WALKED AROUND ON EGGSHELLS LONG ENOUGH AND I TOLD HIM I REFUSE TO LIVE THIS WAY ANY LONGER. HE HAS APOLOGIZED FOR HIS BEHAVIOR (SCREAMING AT ME AND CALLING ME NAMES BECAUSE HE SPILLED SOMETHING ON HIMSELF) AND SAYS HE WILL CHANGE. HE'S TOLD ME THIS SO MANY TIMES BEFORE, I DON'T BELIEVE HIM. I TOLD HIM IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN I'M LEAVING FOR GOOD. HE'S BEING EXTRA SWEET AND KIND RIGHT NOW, BUT I KNOW HE'LL DO IT AGAIN. WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE HIS ANGER TOWARDS ME?

I don't really have any advice for you since I am in a very similar situation. My husband, however, has been physical with me in the past with pushing and shoving me, holding me down by my arms, putting his hands around my neck and he's even kicked my leg. He denies that he did anything and dismisses it as playing around and then says that I am too sensitive. I deal with verbal abuse almost everyday and I too walk around on eggshells. It's been this way with him for 4 years but it got worse over the years. I am afraid to speak up about anything becasue I know he will yell and scream and tell me that he doesn't care or it is my problem - deal with it! He gets his way on everything and I can blame myself for allowing it to continue for so long. I am finally putting my foot down and I am speaking up, in a nice way, and I'm trying to deal with this. It has gone too far and I do not know if he will stop or not. He refuses to go to counseling and he further refuses to read any articles or books or look on the internet for any advice. I don't see much hope unless he hits rock bottom and wakes up. But until then, I just have to learn how to deal with it and try my best to respond appropriately without backing down. I've found great support from counselors and friends and I recommend you do the same. Although, by your going to counseling alone, it will not "cure" your marriage or stop your husband from being abusive, but it will give you ideas of how you can respond. It is difficult though. I wish you luck, as I am hoping for the same too. I will keep reading your responses since they might help me too. Hang in there. You are not alone!

I don't have any experience in this area, but wondered if you'd seen this article on this site...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5022_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5022_qa.html</A> <P>I am very sorry you are both going through this...<P>Kathi