This is my first time to post on any forum, and I will warn that this is a touchy subject, sexually related.<BR>I do not know how to handle the fact that my husband is very fixated on S and M type sex. The two affairs he has had (one at ten yrs of marriage, one last year, we have been married 25 yrs)have revolved around S and M, and what he was doing was not genital sex, but rather being the submissive partner in this activity.<BR>This is what he wants me to do, and although it's not my "thing" I have done this because it makes him happy. He sees this behavior as a normal and natural behavior, and has found plenty of books to back up his point that it is not abberent behavior.<BR>But I feel that he is not even interested in what he refers to as "vanilla" sex (regular intercourse). He will do it, but its obvious he finds it boring and rushes it. I really don't find being a dominatrix very loving, affirming or even much fun....<P>How do I negoitate something like this?<P>Any ideas would be so welcome.<P>Thank you.

First I would like to say that sex for some is an addiction.By confronting him it may seem to him like an attack.My husband has a problem w/porn material.Which before we found God,it ruled our life.It is just like someone w/an alcohol problem or drugs.He cant even look at Victorias Secret w/o it getting out of hand.I'm not an expert,but I know what you are going through.I dont know if you and your family know Jesus as your saviour,he is the only way to become free from this.You may feel like w/the problems you have Jesus could not accept you.He takes you as you are,than makes you what you are supposed to be.He died on the cross because he knew we could not measure up.Accept him,and ask for him to change your life.Then pray for your husband.You must love your husband a great deal to be willing to negotitate this with him.Dont compromise your self and your dignity.Your wants and needs are just as important as his.Thats why your a couple not a single.