I read the section on addictions on the website. It said that you could not really accomplish marital recovery with a spouse who is addicted. My husband is an alcoholic who is working on recovery right now. How long should we wait before pursuing marriage counseling?

Please talk to a neutral counselor (not your husband's AA sponsor) about this. The rules on dealing with addicted people have to be flexible to deal with consurrent growth. Recovery from alcohol may be an additional burden right now, but it doesn't mean that you have to put your own life on hold. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by italia99:<BR><B>I read the section on addictions on the website. It said that you could not really accomplish marital recovery with a spouse who is addicted. My husband is an alcoholic who is working on recovery right now. How long should we wait before pursuing marriage counseling?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I was reading your post about your husband in recovery, my h is wanting to reconcile our marriage but refuses to give up alcohol. He says he can handle it and promises he won't get out of hand anymore. He never abused me physically, it just really changes him. He suffers from depression normally and this just makes it worse. How did you finally get your h to seek recovery? We've been separated for a year and a half now.

I know this isn't your thread, but I want to suggest that you attend at least one Al-Anon meeting (for friends and family of alcoholics). I think you'll find a lot of support from others who have been affected by alcohol. And speaking from experience, I know that when someone is that defensive about drinking, they have a problem. Remember - alcoholics sometimes don't realize that their drinking problem is yours too - if you want them to get help, start by getting help yourself first and defend yourself from this disease. It took me years to recognize what my drinking was doing to my wife, and thankfully it's not too late. Remember - alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by confusedspouse:<BR><B>I was reading your post about your husband in recovery, my h is wanting to reconcile our marriage but refuses to give up alcohol. He says he can handle it and promises he won't get out of hand anymore. He never abused me physically, it just really changes him. He suffers from depression normally and this just makes it worse. How did you finally get your h to seek recovery? We've been separated for a year and a half now. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

My husband and I have been separated for 2 months. From time to time, when we talked, I would mention that whenever he was ready to get help for his problem, to let me know and I would help him arrange it. He usually put me off, or would say OK, and drop it. Apparently things were getting worse for him, because one day I said it again, and he said he was ready and would I please make the call for help. He went to a counselor who referred him to a treatment hospital. He was admitted. He stayed for 10 days and is now in outpatient treatment. He seems overwhelmed with how serious a problem he has. He thought he would check in for a few days, come out, and be back to normal. Now, he wonders if he will ever feel normal again. He hasn't come back home. He acts like I would be better off without him, because of this disease. I've been going to the family support group at the hospital. They tell me not to pay too much attention to him right now. He is just starting out and that is all he can handle right now. I guess I just got my hopes a little too high, just because he was seeking help. I told him I think we should just wait and see how it goes and not make any decisions right now. That is very hard for me, being patient, after being patient all summer while he was drinking.

It's great to hear that you're get5ting some support for yourself. Receovery is a difficult time for everyone, I have a family member who has been in recovery for 15 years now and she's one of the most important people in my life. There are so many talented, wonderful people out there who get involved in addiction that it amazes me. Your husband is feeling a lot of guilt right now, and since addicts almost always believe, on a subconscious level, that they're not good people, his reactions are normal and predictable. Stay in a support group yourself, that's equally important right now. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by italia99:<BR><B>My husband and I have been separated for 2 months. From time to time, when we talked, I would mention that whenever he was ready to get help for his problem, to let me know and I would help him arrange it. He usually put me off, or would say OK, and drop it. Apparently things were getting worse for him, because one day I said it again, and he said he was ready and would I please make the call for help. He went to a counselor who referred him to a treatment hospital. He was admitted. He stayed for 10 days and is now in outpatient treatment. He seems overwhelmed with how serious a problem he has. He thought he would check in for a few days, come out, and be back to normal. Now, he wonders if he will ever feel normal again. He hasn't come back home. He acts like I would be better off without him, because of this disease. I've been going to the family support group at the hospital. They tell me not to pay too much attention to him right now. He is just starting out and that is all he can handle right now. I guess I just got my hopes a little too high, just because he was seeking help. I told him I think we should just wait and see how it goes and not make any decisions right now. That is very hard for me, being patient, after being patient all summer while he was drinking. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>