The only way you should sign that waiver is in the context of a marital settlement agreement which fairly separates all property interests and provides for division of debts, retirement accounts, the pets and anything else. <P>Tell him that if that means you have to pay him spousal support for a year or two then that's what will have to happen. But don't sign such a partial divorce settlement as he is asking for just so he can get the loan. <P>Why can't he get the loan with you? Do you have a lot of debt or bad credit history?<P>Get thee to an attorney. You cannot and should not trust your H. Even if you want to save the marriage, the best way to do that is from a position of superior knowledge and intelligence. Ignorance just kills you.

I feel awkward asking him to divided everything he owns. I don't want him to think that all I care about is his money. So if I sign a document stating what is being divided, then its ok for me to give him money for living expenses? This is confusing to me. Is this waiver of homestead considered a partial divorce settlement? If so how is that?<P>When I went in this relationship I had nothing but bills, which I was paying on time (even if it was the minimum payment). My debt right now is about $2,500. I probably don't have the cleanest credit out there and one of the reason is because of him. I come to find out by one of my creditors that they hadn't been paid in 3 months so they closed the account. That will be on my credit report. I am bothered by it but didn't say anything to him.<P>I told mom about this situation. She seems to think that what if we get divorced and he decided to put all his savings (everything he owns) into the house so I won't be able to get anything from him. Can this really happen by me signing this waiver? I feel so naïve about this whole thing.<P>I'm going to try to find an attorney on the internet to see if he can give me some advise over the phone during lunch.<P>One more thing. Yesterday he called his attorney so he could explain to this waiver of homestead to us. I asked him why is he acting as though he's not to sure what it's about either. I told him he knew what it is all about, that's why he is asking me to sign it. As if I'm going to listen to his attorney anyway. <P>This is really bother him. He said he never thought I would give him such a hard time over this. I told him I am just protecting myself. He then asked me how am I protecting myself over something that is not mine. I told him he doesn't have to play dumb with me. <BR>

All this over money. Money the root of all evil. Trust is definitely one of the upmost importance in any marriage. I was glad to read that you are not planning to start a family any time soon. I would hate to read that you had to pay the H back pay for maternity leave. Gosh, what would happen to you if you got hurt? What if you were laid up for a year, and could not work? The insurance coverage ran out. Would u be thrown out in the streets by him? This man seems to have not taken any of his vows seriously. God forbid if anything happened to him, and he had to rely on you to take care of him. Huh? <P>I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time with this issue. I hope the attorney can help you resolve the best way to handle this financial crisis.

I am so sorry to hear your plight. I agree with most of the wise advice of the other posters that it is not a money problem but a multifaceted group of problems and issues. Here is a refreshing example for you of a functional, possibly normal, newly married couple's idea of sharing money. Being older and wiser now, we figured out what works for us with no conflicts. We are in our 40's and have been dating for 3 years, married for 3 months. My H makes 1/3 of what I do. He works full time at a job. I run my real-estate rental home business. I got a pre-nup before we were married because I was the one with all the assets. But this did not cover everyday life. I asked him to pay a fair portion of his income for our house payment, (the $300K house is in my name). Then, I pay most of the utiliteies but he pays for his phone line and our sattelite dish cause he loves to watch TV. He also pays for food but we dont count every penny there, he pays what he can. Basically, he does not blow money except on me and the house when he can. But we have had no conflicts about this and are able to discuss money easily. We have conflicts about sex, not money ( I need more sex than he does). I always assumed I would keep my income and accounts and stocks separate from his and this is what we have done and will always do I think. The key is that the one who makes less money should only have to pay a percentage toward the living expenses. If he paid nothing, he would feel funny about it and so would I even though I am able to cover everything. His leftover money is his to do with what he wants. Once I had a very bad financial month and he saw me crying and worriying and he signed his whole check over to me to help me. I love him for that! This is how we are doing it and it seems to work because we love and trust each other so much. But I still got the pre-nup just because I am realistic. He trusted me enough to sign it willingly. And it has not affected the balance of power in our relationship. I will always meet people who make less than me and he is perfect for me in every way so I did not let this fact get in the way of our marriage. This is just one example for you of a smooth working money plan. Just another thought for you... It probably would not be the solution for you here but maybe in your next relationship. Do you feel that you must "pay your own way"? In the marriage? He knows that this could be the case and is using your own guilt against you so he can use your money. I had a boyfriend like this and I ended up paying for alot. WAtch out about the refinancing of the house, He may pull come cash out of there to daytrade it in the stock market and lose it.

On Friday, I went with him to take care of the refinancing. I did sign the waiver of homestead. I don't remember if I told you how nice he had been for the past couple weeks. Well, that changed real quick. Now that he doesn’t need me to sign waivers of homestead, he doesn’t need to be nice anymore. New Years eve, we were getting ready to go to his sisters. So, I said to him "lets go rey" (meaning "let go king"). He asked me what that meant and I told him. His response was somewhere in the effect of "I'm glad you finally realized it". Meaning I'm glad you accept the fact that I'm the king. Well, I then decided to take back what I said. He got all upset with me, because I took it back. Then he wanted an apology from me for taking it back. I apologized for calling him a king and for taking it back. That wasn’t good enough for him. I told him I took back what I said because of the comment he made and his cocky attitude. He said that wasn’t his intension. We didn't wish each other a happy new year went to bed at 11:30 and that was that. The next day he said 2000 was the worst year of his life and I agreed I told him it was the worst for me too. I also told him it was worst then when I was living in California. He didn't like hearing that. Yesterday, he asked me to go to the grocery store for him (to get food for his dinner). I complained because I was home in my pajamas, with this weather I don't care to go out after I am home comfortable. I told him he should have asked me before I left the office. Anyway, I did end up going to the store for him. He then was upset because when he came home from the gym I hadn't started on his dinner. I told him he didn't ask me to do it. He thinks I am not ready to be a wife because I never want to pick up after him, because I then feel as though he is my master. He thinks the cleaning lady pick up after him (which is not true). I told him how am I suppose to be a wife to him when he doesn't treat me as though I'm his wife. He hides his passwords to everything and doesn't include me in anything that has to do with finances. Right before he went to bed last night he came up to the room where I was watching TV and told me he had made a decision. His decision is that we need to separate for a month, for me to go home to my moms. He also said that he is moving forward and he is not going back on his decisions anymore. What do you think of this, is he crazy or what? What pissed him off more was the fact that I haven't pickup the messes he’s made in the house the past couple days. I’ve been to upset with him to do it for him, so I’ve had him do it.<P>I said to him “now that I don't have to sign anymore waivers of homestead you have gone back to your normal self”. “There is no reason why you have to be nice to me.” All he said was that I am crazy. I said, "no you are, you just proved me right".<P>I know I need to get out. What I don’t know is if I should just move all my belonging out or move some things out. There is no room at my mom’s house. Should I ask him to get me a place to stay? What will happen if I just leave? I’m confused. Please help. Thanks for your replies.<P>

Marcy,<P>I gave you this advice nearly a month ago. Look in the phone book for a local battered womens organization. They will be able to answer your questions and help you execute your "escape". Do not under any circumstances tell you H your intentions. I don't trust him and neither should you.<P>Mud<><

<BR>I will do that. I didn't give him any kind of response last night. I am going to find out the best way of getting out and when I do I will let him know then. I don't trust him.

Marcy, I'm glad you're getting out of there. I didn't respond to your previous post because I could see you were spinning your tires. I know how it is to keep trying when you're already up to your axles in mud. It's easy for someone else to say get outta there, but not so easy for you to admit you've had enough. I know you've put careful thought into your decision. I am confident you're making the right choice.<P>Start making a list mentally of what your essential belongings are. I spent about two weeks making mine. I moved out on December 18th. It took me 2 hours to pack and get out. My computer is my most important posession. You'll need paperwork and files. You'll need clothes. And it'll be a good idea to take a sleeping bag and blankets. Even if you don't need them to sleep in, you'll need them to drape over your belongings while they're in your vehicle. (do you have a vehicle?). <P>For your paperwork, go to the post office and grab a handful of priority mail envelopes. You need to stay organized after leaving home. I have an envelope for bills, one for correspondence, one for misc, etc. A similar concept works well for clothes too. Get plenty of plastic bags. Put your shirts in one, socks in another, etc. and put in extras for laundry later. It helps the packing process, but more important, it making living on the go a bit more manageable. I call it my backpack mentality. I travelled for a year in my younger days, and that backpack mentality is still with me 16 years later. Still comes in handy I guess. If nothing else, I know I can evacuate for a hurricane! <P>Bottom line, Marcy, is have a plan. Visualize every single step in advance. You won't get a second chance at the day you move out. <P>

You mentioned your husband's passwords, etc. and it made me think of your online activity. I can't recall if anyone else has mentioned this. Have you been deleting your history and cookies? Just a thought... you may not want him to be seeing where you've been and who you are talking to.<P>Best of luck to you.

Are you kidding? I don't use our home computer at all. My H has a computer-consulting firm. He knows everything there is to know about computers. I remember at the beginning I erased the history on the Internet. He got suspicious as to why I had done that. He told me he had another way of tracking the activity so I never used it for personal use after that. I do all my Internet activity during work hours. I get all my email at work and have another private email address, which I never told him about. With the way my H works I always make sure I watch what I do. Not that I do anything behind his back. But if there is something I don’t want him to know about. I have to do a darn good job at hiding my tracks.<P>Thank you for your concerns. I appreciate it.<BR>