On our vacation, my wife told me she doesn't know if she wants to come back home after being away for 3 months! I don't know how to react to this. Obviously, a compromise needs to be made to save the marriage. My compromise would be to leave everything that makes me happy (house, weather, cost of living, and my closest sister). Her compromise would be to leave her family and friends.<P>Here's our background:<P>Before I proposed marriage 3 years ago, I asked her if she could handle being away from her family. She agreed, and we eventually got married in June '98. We moved to Florida right after the honeymoon. Things seemed okay. Her job was the same as NJ, but now the travel was farther (she drives to customer sites each day). She never like doing her job, but she liked the salary. Money was never an issue, and I ALWAYS encouraged her to find a job she would love, whether she had to go back to school or whatever. But she never tried it.<P>About 3-4 months ago, we noticed there was a lot of tension, and she decided to move to Long Island (doing same job up there). At first, she said the job was getting to her, and that the same job in NY would be better (she admits the job is worse, but she gets more money). This increased salary would help her pay off her creadit card debts quicker (another story in itself), and get her closer to her family. <P>We both cried when she moved, and she has been coming home every other weekend. Things seemed to get better in the marriage. She's been saying how she hates a lot of things up there, but she still hasn't talked about moving back. Her stand up to now was saying that the debt is important to get paid off...only then can we talk about what's next. But on this vacation, it sounded like she doesn't want to come back. She asked me if I was so upset about it, if I wanted to get seperated.<P>How can I handle the pain of not having my wife around? I know I won't like living in NJ/NY, but I'll be with my wife. But if my wife can't make the commitment to stay with me in FL, then maybe it won't work out up there either. Then I'll be without the home in FL that I worked so hard and long for.<P>What can we do?

Wow! I thought I was the only one in this situation. My situation is similar; my husband moved to PA with me but left to go "back home" to Michigan after being here only 5 months. I'm kind of in your wife's situation in that I love being near my family plus I make considerably more than my husband. A move back to MI would mean less $$ for our family and me being unhappy about being away again. My husband has been gone 3 months and desparately wants me to come back. I'm struggling with whether or not to go. <P>After agonizing about this for the past three months, here's what I decided (maybe this will help you). Divorce is not an option. One of us has to sacrifice and it's going to be me. We met in MI and I didn't push to move to PA until after we were married and had a child. I felt the pull to be near my family and have my daughter be with her cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. My husband just isn't happy in PA and this whole mess isn't what he bargained for. I'm going to move back there and "choose" to be happy. This is our only life and not one that we want to spend wishing we were somewhere else. It's a matter of acceptance and sacrifice for love.<P>So what does this mean for you? Well, what is the best move for your family overall? By overall I mean where is the better place to raise kids, own a home and advance your career? Who can make the sacrifice and be happy? I think if she agreed to go to FL with you when you married then she needs to give it more time. You don't have kids so she can visit NJ anytime she wants. Just don't have children until you figure this mess out.<P>I hope this helps and I hope you will let me know what happens.

I talked to a friend who just is going through a separation. We checked out this web site earlier in the year to get some answers for his situation. He's been a great help, and we decided that I should write her an email.<P>The email started by telling her that I love her and want her to move back down. So, I got my desires out of the way first. Then I told her that we (jointly) agreed that she move to "find herself". And, it was unfair for me to pressure her to move back (which I have been doing at most opportunities). I ended it by saying I would give her the space and time she needs, and that above all else I love her and want her to be happy.<P>Everything in the email was true, and I printed it out so that I can look at it when I think about how I miss her. That way I know what I said, and I can react appropriately.<P>My problem when thinking about myself moving up there: my sister just recently decided to move to FL to be near us. Even though I would (reluctantly) move to be with my wife, it would eat me up inside that I would ditch my sister like that. Plus, there are other signs of non-commitment that make me think twice about moving (no joint accounts and she hasn't taken my last name).<P>At this point, I'm willing to just give it more time. I figured I would wait a month after my sister moves here, and then I will re-evaluate the situation. Otherwise, I'll just enjoy the time I get with my wife.<BR>