Hello, Im new here but in desperate need of some advice. Here goes-my husband and I have only been married 8 months and we are unhappy. We've only known eachother about a year and a half all together. Anyway, we cant seem to get along very well. This is especially frusterating for him because he feels that we shouldnt been argueing this early in our marriage. I feel like its a very big transition for the both of us, especially because we got married so quickly. He's on the verge of just giving up. I have tried to suggest good, postive ways to improve our marriage. Like going on dates and spending more quality time together outside of the house. But he just comes back with a negative comment. I dont want our marriage to end, but he's ready to give up. I didnt know that I married someone that would give up on "us" so easily. Also, I do have an anxiety disorder that he doesnt even try to understand, and when he tries he just gets fruserated with me. I just feel like he has these "false" expectations of marriage. I think that marriage is work. It is what you make it. When I tell him this he says- You cant make it what its not. Someone please help!<BR> -Rickey

Dear Rickey:<P>Welcome. Have you read the Plan A and Plan B and Emotional Needs on this site? If not, NSR, the MB guru, will probably be along shortly to provide you with links.<P>Are you taking medication for your anxiety?<P>Sorry for the upset in your life right now.<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Well, I haven't done this before, but I felt compelled to answer this one since I am in a similar situation. I can't beleive it but you and I have been married about the same time and were seeing our husband's about the same time until we got married. Like I said, we have been married about 9 months now and we are figthing more now then we ever have. Sometimes, I think that we got married too soon before we actually knew each other, but then again I know that we are meant to be together. We are actually fighting right now...can you beleive it. I often ask myself, how can two people love each other so much and still fight as often as we do. But it is starting to get a little weird, he makes it out to be my fault all the time. When I try to talk to him instead of getting in a fight he gets defensive. Sometimes I think that we is just waiting to leave. So I guess what I am trying to say, don't feel bad...I feel your pain. And just remember...marriage is work...more work then I would ever imagine. But eventually, I feel that everyone works through the little stuff, and breaks through to the extreme happiness of marriage (yeah right). It might be a crazy belief, but marriage will drive you crazy if you don't beleive it! Good luck with your marriage, and I pray that things get better!

I might suggest you post on the emotional needs thread. More people over there...so... more responses.<P>Marriage the first year is the toughest. Getting acustomed to living w/someone is quite an adjustment. Expectations run high and fulfillment sometimes is low...keep trying.<P>D/2000<BR>

Rickey and KenanDog,<P>I have been exactly where you are! Only my husband and I divorced. He seemed absolutely BENT on divorcing, so I went ahead and moved out. The next day he was back, crying and begging (see my post). We've been together for another two years since, even though the divorce went through. I know how it feels to try to talk about something being wrong, and only get negative remarks. This has been the hardest experience of my life. I am still very resentful towards him for giving up on our marriage so fast. It makes me feel much better to know that I'm not the only one in love with an emotional idiot. I know that sounds bad, but sometimes he seems not to have a clue how to be sensitive. I have problems with anxiety, too, and since I have been with him, I have been in the hospital with depression twice. I just gave up because all the crying and pleading with him didn't work. It only made him colder and harder. The only thing that makes him love me is to feel as if he might lose me. Do your husbands do that? Get very loving and understanding and supportive after you've gotten so frustrated and upset that it's hard to care?