W left for job in NY back in September last year. We lived in FL for over 2 years. I made it a point (before our engagement) to tell her that moving to FL was my priority. She was fine with it back then. She says now that she hates it up there (weather, traffic, attitudes, etc.), but she likes being close to family/friends in NJ.<P>She comes home for a weekend every 3 weeks or so. About every time, she says that she'll come home soon. Unfortunatly, this date always seems to be about 2-3 months down the road. Previously, she has said that she would stay in NY until her niece was born. Now that the baby was born in mid-Feb, she says she'll come home in June.<P>I told her last time she was here, that I didn't think I can last much longer like this. 3 weeks is too long a break. When I think about it, I feel abandoned and end up depressed about the situation. It used to be that I could handle the first 2 weeks she was gone. The 3rd week was a roller coaster...because it has been so long (low point), but I get to see her soon (high point). Now it just takes a few days until I feel depressed.<P>Some might think that I should just move to NY...not that easy. Just started new company, and money is real tight. Have perfect home in FL that I won't ever get in NY, and W knows that as well. I haven't felt that she has ever been truly commited to the marriage, so why abandon FL if it won't work in NY. Whenever I questioned her commitment before, she would say, "but I left everything to come to FL!" Not easy for her to use that line again. We have different last names, different bank accounts, and I pay all bills except for HER credit cards and car payment. I have thought about moving to NY to save marriage, but not after she is gone for 6 months! I can't sit here waiting for the house to sell, while she is up there waiting for me. This marriage should be a joint effort. Her job allows her to work from anywhere in the US, so that's not a problem.<P>Sorry for length, but I really needed to vent and this has helped. I feel like I am losing my sanity, and may need to see therapist soon before it's too late. I hope someone out there has some suggestions.<BR>

I am sorry to hear of your plight. You are not crazy. Your wife sounds like she is not committed to your marriage. You have a marriage in name only. I would suggest that you give her a deadline and inform her you will seek a divorce. It is <BR>simply not a marriage. I am sure you did not sign up for this. I would have a deep discussion with her. It really sounds like she is running away from the marriage and not mentally prepared to work on it. You deserve much better than this.

Thanks for the reply. I will be going to NY for a weekend in a couple weeks. I plan on writing a letter about my feelings about the situation, and giving it to her before I leave. I usually have problems when openly discussing issues with her, because she gets all defensive and I lose my train of thought.<P>A while back, I agreed to make the best of our times together. She has noticed this, saying that I have been more close and loving. I told her the last time she was here, that maybe I didn't change at all...she's just seeing it because it lasts for the whole weekend she's here. When before, I was able to provide her with the most attention on the weekend anyway, but it was only 2 out of 7 days.<P>My letter will basically state how I become more disappointed when her moving plans change. Plus, I need to see a therapist about how to handle my emotional state. Any advise on the letter? Or is there a better way to handle the situation?

Your situation is all too familiar to me. My husband's job moved him from Dallas to Houston. It was supposed to be temporary so I stayed in Dallas. But months turned into years and now he is so entrenched in Houston, he doesn't want to move back to Dallas. Meanwhile, I'm a student at a college in Dallas, and I'm very allergic to the Houston environment, so I don't want to move to Houston.<P>Definately, ask your wife to give you a fixed time period for when she will return. Life is about opportunity costs (if you know anything economics, you'll understand). For everything you get, you have to give something up. So you and your wife both have decide which is more important. Is your business really so important that you would give up your marriage? Is the in-person family contact so important to your wife that she is willing to give up your marriage (I mean, there are so many ways to keep in contact, does she really need familial physical touch?)<P>A year is more than enough time for you to decide, so don't let your wife waste your life and be careful that you don't waste her life. <BR>

I sent her an email the other day. I said that I didn't feel she was committed to the marriage, and that I was upset about it. I tried to explain that I don't have a problem moving to NJ, it's just that I need to know that I'm in a committed relationship before I make that sacrifice.<P>Her response was the same as it has been before. She says, "what do you want to do?" That just makes me crazy. It seems that if it's going to end, she wants me to do it. She said that she loves me and wants what she has in both places. Can't have both though!<P>She called me a dozen times yesterday, jsut to say that she loves me. I think she is just trying to drag it out more. I did tell her that I want her to see a therapist, because I don't think she even knows why she is doing this. She keeps saying, "I'll come haome soon. don't worry." Easy for her to say.<P>Oh well. What can I do. Our anniversary is at the end of June, and I think that is where I draw the line. I'm thinking of just cutting off communication at that point, unless she tells me she is seeing a therapist on a regular basis.<BR>