Spent my second weekend in the apartment. Sat. I told H I was going to the house to get some more of my son's things. I was okay. We had made love Thurs. night. When I drove up, he hardly acknowledged me. He was doing some things home inspector had asked for. I went upstairs and hauled crap down the steps and into the car. I was in a sweat. I felt myself getting more and more pissed and then I started slinging stuff. Lovebusted................... I let him know my feelings were hurt he could hardly speak, and the only time he could show my any attention is when he's needs a little, etc, etc. I guess I was hurt coming back to my house for the first time -- whatever. I left, then felt bad. Went back and apologized. Told him it was hard coming back to the house and I needed a target. He was it. We ate some lunch and I left. Went back Sunday after church to get some more things. Much more pleasant. told him he was welcome to come sit by the pool. He accepted. We sat by pool, had pleasant afternoon. I cooked supper. He left around 9:00, as he had to go to grocery store -- dog out of food. Pleasant evening. We are going out to dinner alone one night this week, and our daughter is coming home (?? - I guess she'll stay at apartment with me, I don't know). We are planning all three going out to dinner. <P>He has appointment with therapist Wednesday morning and has appt for physical tommorrow. I don't know if therapy will change his feelings for me or not. I just want him to get help for himself.<P>I've made my mind up no more outbursts. I guess going back into the house set me off big time, don't know what happened. sunday I didn't feel that, but he was much more pleasant.<P>I lit candles, etc. last night and had a great dinner. He kept saying how much he appreciated me cooking dinner and doing his laundry (yeah, I'm a sucker). <P>So, yeah I'm pretty lonesome at times, but I'm getting better. Don't feel the need to cry all the time (after saturday morning). I just try to stay busy. Don't feel the need to call him anymore. Told him the ball was in his court for now.<P>

You sound pretty good. And it you spent quite a bit of time with your H. I've said before that there are times my H & I get along better when we're separated because when he is with me, he's really here, we sit on the deck and talk. Now that he's home again, it's TV & the computer.

Janie, that is a wonderful decision to cut the angry outbursts out of your behavior. Seems like your husband responds better with honey vs. vinegar!<P>Good job. Hope the visit with your daughter is memorable and great.

You sound like you are doing pretty good to me. Maybe moving on will help him see what he's missing.<P>------------------<BR>You are in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>* Viki

Hi, Janie,<BR> I think that each of us must decided to do what's right for us in our marriages, but I do have a question for you.<BR> What is moving out accomplishing for you if you are still doing your H's laundry and sleeping with him? I know you're still trying to do Plan A (although I had thought you were going to Plan B), but I just have trouble understanding the point of moving out if you're going to continue Plan A.<BR> And, I don't blame you for being upset when you went to the house and he ignored you. I'd have love-busted, too.<BR> Anyway, I just think that if I decided to move out, I would NOT do H's laundry and would NOT have sex with him, although I might continue to be sweet to him and not love-bust. I think that I would not want my H to be satisfied living alone, having me available to perform wifely duties when HE wanted me to do so. I just think that if my H wants some of me, he is gonna have to be able to accept ALL of me. Does that make sense?<BR> Anyway, if you feel like you're getting good results, keep on keeping on!!

I don't know why I did his laundry. He nicely asked. I don't intend to continue doing it on an ongoing basis. As far as sleeping with him, it seemed right at the time.

Janie -<P>I think you're doing great!!<P>Good for you for going back and explaining your outburst - shows H that things can be said in anger of moment and then worked out later with no problem.<P>As far as laundry and sex or anything else - you just keep doing as much or as little as you "feel" is right.<P>Hugs and keep up the good work,<P>Sheba

Janie,<BR> I wasn't trying to make you feel like you shouldn't have done your H's laundry or slept with him after you moved out. You should do as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing. You are the one who knows your H and know how he would react. I was mostly wondering what his reaction would be if you told him very nicely, "Dear, I've written up these directions so you can do your own laundry.. I really can't do it for you anymore, as I have found some other things to occupy my time."<BR> Or, "H, you know I do still love you and want to rebuild our marriage; but, I've decided that the next time I make love, it will be with a man who is truly in love with me and committed to only me."<BR> Would he flip his lid, or would he withdraw any further?<BR> I was also just thinking that if and when I ever move out, I wouldn't perform any wifely duties, but that's just what I would do. I would figure that if I kept on doing those things for him, he wouldn't have a chance to miss me or decide that he'd better do some changing if he wanted to get me back.<BR> But, I've been spending a great deal of time "supposin'" about my own H and his behavior. Mostly trying to figure out the trigger that will get the truth out of him.

Went to a candle party last night. When I got home, I did a few things then went to bed. I had been fighting the urge to call him at night, but didn't have it as bad last night. I watched him walk in the Y after work yesterday and one can tell by looking at him that he's depressed. He has his physical today and appt with new therapist (this will make the fourth one) tomorrow. <P>As far as "me", I know there will be days I think I won't make it. Right now I feel like I have to "plan something" to keep me busy most of the time. It takes me about 30 min to clean my appt, whereas the house took all day. I don't cook and I don't have yard work. No kids now either. What an adjustment!!!! <P>I'm sure I'll get stronger each day. <P>