My H went back home to live with his parents about 10 days ago. He said it was only going to be for about 3 or 4 days until we worked some things out between us. Since, he hasnt mentioned it at all. We see each other every morning for about 15 or 20 minutes, he takes me to work and on Sundays, which is our mutual day off. <BR>He has written me to tell me that he loves me but he isnt in love with me anymore. <BR>Right now, I feel as if we are in limbo. He doesnt live with me, but still wants to have sex with me. He doesnt seem to want to answer to anyone. I feel as if he is being irresponsible to be acting this way since we have two children and a house. <BR>I cry every night, especially after he calls. It's so depressing to hear his voice, instead of see him next to me. <BR>He only seems to want to be friends with me. I just dont want to hang there in limbo, until he figures out what he wants. This is driving me crazy. <BR>Any thoughts?<BR>Thanks,<BR>Roberta

RL... I can relate to what you're going through - marriage in limbo with H lacking responsibility (we have 3 boys and currently are staying with my parents since moving back from overseas). <P>Though, the difference is that my H won't have sex with me. He feels it's only destructive (and he says it's empty). I think it would be much more difficult to deal with your situation - it has to do with self-esteem and being "used" I would think. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your impasse...<P>I think we need to devise some kind of incentive to get these men making the right decision... I prefer this mode to an ultimatum. Any thoughts ANYONE? A marriage isn't progressing, but is stagnating... Plan A'ing all over the place but the sainthood full-time isn't goin' anywhere!!! HELP US, please!<P>Well, at least Plan A makes us a better person... but that doesn't change the pain of our current circumstances. I wish I had wise words that you could think on... but I don't since I feel I'm in the same boat... only even without the affection of SF. <P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Doing what you like is freedom... Liking what you do is happiness<p>[This message has been edited by OvrCs (edited March 31, 2001).]

I know how you feel too. I am also in Limbo... right now I feel much better than I did before though. (It's been 4 months.) Personally, I have finally learned to give it over to God because I realize I can't control the situation. Now I'm just waiting but I am not suffering like before. If you haven't already seen it, try the site <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org." TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org.</A> <P>Be strong and have faith. It takes a lot of patience and courage but I do think it strengthens you as a person. God won't give you more than you can handle, even if it seems like too much right now.<P>The only other advice I can add is to expect nothing from your husband. Don't set yourself up to be disappointed.<BR>I wish you all the best.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RobertaLea:<BR>I don't know if you will revisit this site, I hope you do. I can understand you and your position very well.<P>I am married for 20 years and still hanging in limbo. Seems to me that when women marry, they are more incline to know what they want and what are the rights and wrongs of marriage. We, women, are more dedicated to our marriage and we do our best to save our marriages too.<P>My problems is that my husband can't totally dedicate his love for me, our marriage, children and himself. He lives in his own insecure world, not trusting me at all. Yes I may have given some stuff not to trust me through the years but, I have given him stuff to trust me with too. I know he has tried to but, I don't believe in the degree that I have tried. He lives with one foot in our marriage and one foot out. He has clothes with his mom and mail going ever where, 4 houses. My clothes is here and so is my mail. He hides poscessions that should be in our names in his families name or that of his friends names. I can't get him to open a checking acct to our names for the house expenses and each of us having our own allowences, he wants me to give him my pay check for him to deposit in his acct. I ask him to do things with me, he doesn't want to or he is to buzy. I try to talk to him and all he does is point my conversations back to me. A reversal of role. I have ask him if he has learned anything from me, he has no answer. I learn from him and I believe he has a lot I can learn from.<P>All in all, I feel unappreciated, disrespected, untrusted, unloved, unimportant to my spouse. Sometimes I believe he notices me but, in most part not much else.<P>I am as you are in limbo. He is now living with his mom, (since he already had most of his clothes there) as of fathers day. I am waiting for time to tell me what is my next step. We have been separated more than you can count with your toes and fingers through out these 20 years. The sad thing is, I love him still, and I would forgive him and still let him in. Just this time I want a change. We need to change if we want our marriage. I want us but his pride is going to lose me.<P><B>My H went back home to live with his parents about 10 days ago. He said it was only going to be for about 3 or 4 days until we worked some things out between us. Since, he hasnt mentioned it at all. We see each other every morning for about 15 or 20 minutes, he takes me to work and on Sundays, which is our mutual day off. <BR>He has written me to tell me that he loves me but he isnt in love with me anymore. <BR>Right now, I feel as if we are in limbo. He doesnt live with me, but still wants to have sex with me. He doesnt seem to want to answer to anyone. I feel as if he is being irresponsible to be acting this way since we have two children and a house. <BR>I cry every night, especially after he calls. It's so depressing to hear his voice, instead of see him next to me. <BR>He only seems to want to be friends with me. I just dont want to hang there in limbo, until he figures out what he wants. This is driving me crazy. <BR>Any thoughts?<BR>Thanks,<BR>Roberta</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>

Hi Roberta<P>I can understand you are going through a lot of hurt at the moment and it sounds like something said between you and him has caused a wall of fear to grow<P>I am glad he comes to you for his need and not elsewhere which shows that he is faithful to you<P>Moving in with his parents sounds like he trust them<P>If you are on speaking terms with his parents and they are able to communicate with you perhaps they can be of help as they know and raised him<P>Please mail me if you found this information helpful<BR>and I will assist you further and have a team of <BR>counsellors and friends who will emotionally support you<P>Carol<BR>kidnpuppetshow@yahoo.com<P>

RobertaLea,<BR> Sorry your in the same boat as many of us. The life in limbo is an awful place to be. My husband also said he loves me but is not "in love" with me. We are separated and he has gone back to school. In a way, I think he wants to be free of responsibility of having a wife to worry about and wants to continue the life of a college student. Don't get me wrong, there are many other issues my husband needs to deal with, some that have to do with us. But mostly his own. <BR> I can't give advice, because that is what I'm looking for too. But I agree with OvrCs when saying that some sort of plan needs to be devised. I don't have any leverage for an ultimatum since we are already separated, and don't like the idea of them anyway.<BR> I want my husband to go to counseling. But he has already written the dialogue in his head of what will happen and is convinced it won't work. Afterall, he says, how can they tell me how to feel? <BR> He says he wishes he were different for me, but is unwilling/can't make himself do anything.<BR> Maybe enlisting the help of his parents isn't such a bad idea. My in-laws were sick over the fact of what happened between us, but were incapable of doing anything. They tend to not deal with things and hope they will go away...just like my husband. But if your in-laws can communitcate with him, they might give you a heads-up of what is happening.<BR> Good luck,<BR> Kathy