Thanks Kathie. Unfortunately, I have read and have given my wife these articles but she said that she did not want to restore our marriage. She said that her heart was not in it and that she wasn't going to take another chance to try to work on things just to be disappointed after a couple of months. She wants to have a baby and says that she is not going to waste her time any longer on a relationship that she is not happy in. I am heart broken over this and don't know where to turn. I love her more than anything in the world but see her interests turning toward herself and to other people, including that of the male persuasion. I'm starting to believe that you cannot influence people's behavior once their minds are made up. My wife is very angry right now and is doing anything she can to push me to the breaking point. No physical or emotional contact, she keeps a duffle bag with all sorts of documents in it like phone bills, division of assets, tax forms, and the like and carries it with her wherever she goes so that I can't see it. She has been to a consultation with an attorney and says that she is definitely going through with the separation. She will not listen to reason and we have been going to church recently. She said she felt defensive because I had spoken to the pastor for help. <P>I don't know where to turn but right now she hates me. We can't have a discussion without her becoming resentful, hateful, and hurtful. Every time I try to initiate any sexual contact, she become furuiou

When your spouse is angry and withdrawn, you cannot get them to work on things. Why should they work on somethign they want to leave? And, I have been there (tho my H had not consulted an attorney, he had put a deposit down on a new place)...and he called the articles and info I printed out "useless pyschobabble )."<P>What you can do is work in things in a one-sided manner...eliminate all LBs (including pressing someone who doesn't want sex) and meet whatever emotional needs they will allow you to...and that may be pretty minmal right now. The hope is that you can demonstrate enough change that they will decide that just maybe there is a possibility for the marriage, and give it a real shot. <P>Again, I would suggest that you try a session or two of marriage coaching by phone...your wife does not have to participate at first, but you can get some expert guidance on how to make your actions most effective.<P>Good luck--<P>Kathi<P>PS--You will get more response to your posts if you try the Emotional Needs area...I think there are a couple of guys there in similar positions.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited April 05, 2001).]